Have you ever found yourself going with all your strength against all what is believed and happening around you? It is only you who see this vision and it takes all your thinking that you are unable to touch the ground of reality that you live in . This heart inside of you, filled with anger and resentment, sometimes calm and sometimes outrageous like a rough sea . These emotions and feelings that keep pushing themselves into your day . Thinking of multi directions , seeking the truth and understanding of what is real and what is not. This waves of thoughts like a rough sea. Taking you away from enjoying the real you .You can't meet anymore. Where are you and why all this change has happened inside of you ?
Watching many lives around and being so far to touch ground with them .You no longer belong .There is a huge wall has been built .The wall of Isolation and you are out of the norm. Looking around you to feel life ,the real life that everybody live .You can't see yourself in. My mind is far away , in someplace else. Calling me to come back and be with me , is something everyone will consider insane and out of maturity and reality that everyone else can see, feel ,touch and breathe in . Who is the person that I allowed her to be right now ,submissive and not confident in anything she does or know anymore? who is this wrecked ship , the remains of Titanic and the old castle of dreams and no one could break her apart and it happened. The rough waves broke her apart , like a gold fish easy to be turned mushy in a salty water not being a shark .This is not the old me , once was sure what is going on.Like a fairy tale , nothing really make sense. The nearest and the closest those who made the hurt .Why when we are facing storms we tend to believe anything or anyone around us. We lose our strength, our ground has been shaken and no clear vision in what is ahead. Here lies the deceit and the tricks have impact in us even we are not aware what is going on.We hang on life,We need to survive , to be alive , crying out loud : God this is not what you want . God teach me to trust even when I sail against the rough waves.let me believe that your power is above all powers on earth .The hurt has been done and I can't control it anymore. The pain is still happening taking me out of my joy in the moment of your endless grace. I believed in the word with all my heart .It is the food to my soul and the rest when I am weary. Your word lord that I live each day and can't imagine myself somewhere else , away from your word . The anger and resentment are still my great two big sins and yet ,Iam trying my best to overcome .
Month after month , I tell myself Iam not living in the past anymore. I'll live my day in a way to understand your unlimited grace, is it enough or I miss something .that beyond my understanding ? I seek your guidance and leadership into my life .I cannot imagine myself away from you lord .The hurt is too much to avoid .By prayers and my hope that lies in my lord and savior Jesus Christ that what keep me going each single day. Jesus you have been trialed and bore all the pain on the cross .You have been lived in the flesh as a son of man . You understand what does it mean when you do your best as much as you can to show God's love and kindness and it is opposed and being questioned .Jesus you know and see the pain that I can not explain it anymore. Allow me to walk in your grace and mercy .Allow me to be the one you meant me to be.Allow me to be a witness for your mighty power that you put beauty in the ashes .Help me to carry my cross willingly with no anger or resentment as I know the price you have paid for me in order to have life . Jesus many things had been happening in my life . I lift them all up to you .You are in control and I don't know anything else. I write my message to you to be known and to be acknowledge by you . As I walk with you each day ,I feel the anger the lies deep in my soul ,help me to reject it when it comes to my mind and day, help me to dwell in your goodness with no doubt that you are able to calm the rough seas .
I don't understand what lies ahead and I don't understand what else I can to to walk more in your righteousness. As a stranger in a strange land I know you carried me all way long , help me to pass whatever I am going through .It is only you Jesus who understands and knows me .Even before I think or write of make conclusions upon what is going around ,I give everything back to you ,for you promised , " Fear not for I am with you." Jesus everything is in your hand .All I seek is a simple Christian life , a life filled with hope and grace.A life to conquer all fears in your mighty name .A life of dignity and respect , knowing that Iam your .My life , my path , my breath , my vision is in you Jesus .Help me to lift your name higher .No believing any judgement or lies that make the seas go more and more rough each single day. Jesus help me to stand my ground no matter what for you are with me. You will never break a promise. You came to give me life. A life to be a witness to the truth in your promises and a thankful and grateful heart for each thing you have given to me. In you Jesus I know Iam safe , you rescued me , no matter is happening around ,I choose to swim in a rough sea, not knowing when Iam going to reach the shore . Where I can find me rest and wittiness your glory .
It is not about me Jesus .It is all about you within me .Iam found in you. Help me to understand my path in you even I can not see it or understand it, all I know that you are holding me in the palm of your hand . My day and my life is in you and with you .Help me to finish my race and be a witness for your glory .Help me not to believe anything is not from you Jesus ,for your ways are straight and clear . Jesus you brought me into life ,because in you alone there is always a life .A life of grace and mercy. A life of truth and endurance. A life of an endless love that has been given to us freely .
Iam still searching and seeking , knocking doors to understand my path in you . This is my life and it is all yours ,till I find my way in you Jesus ,I'll keep sailing against the waves , even I get weary , my rest in you . There is a whole world around me ,I don't understand anything else but my life in you .That is my true step and sense of the world around me .To praise you .To follow you , to give you honor and glory ,despite all the swords that keep beating me . Jesus you have the power . Let your glory shine . Even I sail against the rough waves , I know you are there ,calling up on your name to rescue me again and again as I can not do it alone .
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