So , No one choose when he/she will be born , parents, family . It is all come with a package in person's life and destiny . So, there are things that you cannot choose . Growing up, you come to learn and know what kind of life ,you have been brought to . You were born to follow with no questions . You were born to be a number . You were born to carry the shame and guilt of being a girl , a woman and such minor creature that has to be grateful for carrying the name and the heritage of her family and ancestors . So, choice is not an option , yet ,to think about.
It's not your crime to be born with a golden spoon in your mouth , as you don't know what is behind the curtains of gold and fame. It is not happening is each pattern of life like it happened with you .It is you . Your story and your unique lines of choices to be or not to be . who put this battle in you . You don't understand it is the rebellion and anger that grow up within your mind and soul . It is a whole different world behind.
It is not your choice to be raped , molested by your flesh.It is not your choice to be beaten , to be forced to get married as you are crazy to say " No" . I want to be educated and have the right to choose . You have no choice to say" NO" .I don't want that , I don't like that, or trust me as you trust a boy and a man.
So, your fight is not for money , wealth or possessions .As the more you say" NO" ,something is taken out of you.It's the fight for your identity worth and value and respect for that sacred creature that's created by Him our Mighty God. Being rebellious , fighter , like a fire burning everything around due to her anger and bitterness,why me? and why all this is happening ?
It's not your choice to be tortured as you seek your value and respect,to be treated with honesty and love............. love??? what is love????? That brought me back to my first read in the scripture while I was a teen " God is love" .So,the years had gone ,everything was left behind to find the ONE and ONLY TRUE GOD.The journey of exploring and wondering and wandering in the wilderness to start my EXODUS journey.
So,9/11 had happened and another journey started .The journey of belief and searching and finding Him in each place I go and each person I meet and each word I read.After trauma , came the struggle with my panic attack ,fears all over the way .....OH! Jesus,being crushed, smashed , thrown under the bus and wondering what is going on. OH! Jesus . thank you for showing me many parts of the world . Carrying my fears and scars to witness your presence even in the middle of the storms. walking along way . Trying to take my breath and walk even I don't feel life around me . Numbed emotionally. Taking the decision to walk till the end of the road .
Trails never end. Your mercy always surrounds me. Manipulation , broken promises and a burden that doesn't want to go away . Being open and trusty , exposed me to be torn apart .To break me into pieces.
shaken ground, uncertainty and like my isolation more than before .Questioning where peace and truth truly exist? past memories trigger themselves. Bringing me to the spot that I don't like to see my self in . The dark hole of desperate , hopless case . My body starts to attack itself once again .Walking , not knowing where my steps will take me . Unable to see what is true and what is not . Going in circles , swimming in the deep ocean of grief and questioning is there a solution or a way I have to take .The hurt comes from those who you think are the closest to you . The pain comes from the trails that surrounds you like fire works , bursting into your weak body and face . Can't breathe, Unable to have a simple normal life . Being judged in the flesh over and over .
Pressing hard on your wounds , never stop their bleeding and no mercy around . Thorns poke your fragile skin . As He paid the price on the cross , shedding His precious blood for me that's where we are united . In pain and suffering , you see Him stretching His hands around you and you can not ask for more .The loving kind father knows what you are going through . He knows what you need and when He can answer your prayers . Setting you from all the bondages that chained you for so many year . With peace and hope , you are calling for Him to save .
No comments:
Post a Comment