Day by day , that is the principle Iam trying to learn . Nothing is guaranteed , nothing can be the same and change is the principle of our life.To expect the unexpected that is a question mark for alot is going around on daily basis.Filled with lots of anxieties.Some from the past others from the present. Walking out of fears to face new fears .Is this real or it is the consequences of The past trauma .Unexplained behaviors,conclusions that may lead to more fears and anxieties.Revealing all of that to each one you meet became a new gate for bringing you down. Questioning does anyone understand or Iam daydreaming about getting out of such fearful cycle of bondage and no one owns me.It is a stressful feeling, to feel from fears to the unknown of where you are or who you are dealing with.
So important to understand who is walking the way with you , who is real and who is not.That is the hard part of giving your life away and walking with uncertainties.I do admit my foolishness and being dummy. I do admit my naivety and unawareness of where I am and who I share my heart with.Ten years ago I symbolized myself once with a broken leg chair , if you think of using it , it will make you fall.Another time ,Iam a fried potatoes who was peeled, sliced then thrown in a hot oil pan ,the heat change how it look and the usage as well.Call me crazy as years pass,and I realize that my world was never exist ,yesterday or even at a certain time of my present.
Going through many multitudes of everyday life ,the theory of being fool and dummy , proves itself day by day. Lacking the main component of understanding the meritocracy .For years these multi-layered life stages and changes.Challenges and surrendering.How all of this can exist in one life.The Old testament is repeating itself with all the chapters of polygamy, inheritance, jealousy, revenge, plotting,ending lives and starting ones.
With strange factor that never changed in me , my eyes as a recording camera for all events that happened through the years , reflecting back many questions , some unanswered others seeking answers for them , others already been answered .This eye and mind that don't want to stop interpreting the whys and all these complex combinations of life that we create for ourselves that result in too many hurt happen around .
Yes,Coming back to the question why me always on a hot surface and giving the chance to be owned. The spirit of slavery and blind submission that rob you out of the true you or how God created you .Living the life of submission to the hurt , abuse and misuse , left you with this mentality that this won't come to an end . Unable to see the ray of hope that is surrounding you in God's gracious goodness.The past left you with this stubborn mentality that hurt is coming any way .You have to be defensive , sometimes you do lose yourself in despair and anger .Boiling feelings inside , You are afraid they will burst or the surface once again.A deep cry inside of you building itself without any control over it.
Patterns from the past keep repeating themselves , trying to run away from all this injustice around, asking why me and why Iam not free in the deep sense of true life , breaking free is a huge step to happen . Trying to find the true you , you have to give away anything that will measure you as a tool . Iam not a tool? Iam a human , body, soul and spirit. I have a human mind not a slave mind . No more slavery we are living in the 21st century .A conflict aroused to start saying no for no . To choose different way than what has been advised as this deep sound inside of ,repeating you are not a slave anymore . You are free, your life is different from so many patterns happen before .You are the one who can understand you.Seeking hope everywhere . Refusing and judgement comes my way. All criticism I receive on daily bases , all the rejection and the unspoken words about me. All this has to come to an end for we are honored because of Him not ourselves.
Carrying the cross to find the truth of the true me. The one He created one day. Feeling stranger , judged, criticized and even profiled ,all what comes to me is Jesus who made no sin and He was crucified on the cross . Walking with a wondering eye why me and what others see in me that they feel that it is their right to slice me ?///Hard spot for a human can find herself in ?? Days pass, years ,all what I learn is that I haven't found my world yet. With all the pain and trials Iam in the detouring spot .All ways look the same that means the same results you will get .Not being aware of who you are and what you are created for , will make you a traveler through tens and hundreds of valleys to explore who you are .
Traveling through the valleys , will allow you to meet with patterns from the past , here all fears and traumatic memories will rise over and over . It won't end .You will meet with others who you won't get the chance to know truly they are as they pass by so quick. Among all patterns you witness this breeze that coming your way , it is there and the heat from the past ,stumbling you to come to a fully realization of the calling for your body, mind and soul to be healed. Background noises break you down, they won't get you to a better place. They won't help you anyway , these are the voices from the past that keep repeating themselves in different faces and name and the nature is one , all what you get is that hot flames burning day. Robbing you from your peace and distract you fro finding your way.The hard way is to come familiar with these background voices and don't allow you to be beaten and fall apart that is their mission in life and it won't change .It is you who has to pay attention to the breeze of love that God led you to , to believe it and know that it is real not fake , to walk with Him in peace ,realizing the loving touch of the hearts that don't boast or shout out what they do, they are the true heart of Jesus. He is faithful and He never breaks a promise .
To realize The stop where He wants you , here the true healing journey will start as you know where you are, you hear His voice and the angels are guiding you through the gate to be in Journey in His loving kindness and allowing His love to heal you, to give it a chance as for so long you are seeking and searching , now you are reaching your destination where His breeze of love will never end .
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