Have you ever found yourself going with all your strength against all what is believed and happening around you? It is only you who see this vision and it takes all your thinking that you are unable to touch the ground of reality that you live in . This heart inside of you, filled with anger and resentment, sometimes calm and sometimes outrageous like a rough sea . These emotions and feelings that keep pushing themselves into your day . Thinking of multi directions , seeking the truth and understanding of what is real and what is not. This waves of thoughts like a rough sea. Taking you away from enjoying the real you .You can't meet anymore. Where are you and why all this change has happened inside of you ?
Watching many lives around and being so far to touch ground with them .You no longer belong .There is a huge wall has been built .The wall of Isolation and you are out of the norm. Looking around you to feel life ,the real life that everybody live .You can't see yourself in. My mind is far away , in someplace else. Calling me to come back and be with me , is something everyone will consider insane and out of maturity and reality that everyone else can see, feel ,touch and breathe in . Who is the person that I allowed her to be right now ,submissive and not confident in anything she does or know anymore? who is this wrecked ship , the remains of Titanic and the old castle of dreams and no one could break her apart and it happened. The rough waves broke her apart , like a gold fish easy to be turned mushy in a salty water not being a shark .This is not the old me , once was sure what is going on.Like a fairy tale , nothing really make sense. The nearest and the closest those who made the hurt .Why when we are facing storms we tend to believe anything or anyone around us. We lose our strength, our ground has been shaken and no clear vision in what is ahead. Here lies the deceit and the tricks have impact in us even we are not aware what is going on.We hang on life,We need to survive , to be alive , crying out loud : God this is not what you want . God teach me to trust even when I sail against the rough waves.let me believe that your power is above all powers on earth .The hurt has been done and I can't control it anymore. The pain is still happening taking me out of my joy in the moment of your endless grace. I believed in the word with all my heart .It is the food to my soul and the rest when I am weary. Your word lord that I live each day and can't imagine myself somewhere else , away from your word . The anger and resentment are still my great two big sins and yet ,Iam trying my best to overcome .
Month after month , I tell myself Iam not living in the past anymore. I'll live my day in a way to understand your unlimited grace, is it enough or I miss something .that beyond my understanding ? I seek your guidance and leadership into my life .I cannot imagine myself away from you lord .The hurt is too much to avoid .By prayers and my hope that lies in my lord and savior Jesus Christ that what keep me going each single day. Jesus you have been trialed and bore all the pain on the cross .You have been lived in the flesh as a son of man . You understand what does it mean when you do your best as much as you can to show God's love and kindness and it is opposed and being questioned .Jesus you know and see the pain that I can not explain it anymore. Allow me to walk in your grace and mercy .Allow me to be the one you meant me to be.Allow me to be a witness for your mighty power that you put beauty in the ashes .Help me to carry my cross willingly with no anger or resentment as I know the price you have paid for me in order to have life . Jesus many things had been happening in my life . I lift them all up to you .You are in control and I don't know anything else. I write my message to you to be known and to be acknowledge by you . As I walk with you each day ,I feel the anger the lies deep in my soul ,help me to reject it when it comes to my mind and day, help me to dwell in your goodness with no doubt that you are able to calm the rough seas .
I don't understand what lies ahead and I don't understand what else I can to to walk more in your righteousness. As a stranger in a strange land I know you carried me all way long , help me to pass whatever I am going through .It is only you Jesus who understands and knows me .Even before I think or write of make conclusions upon what is going around ,I give everything back to you ,for you promised , " Fear not for I am with you." Jesus everything is in your hand .All I seek is a simple Christian life , a life filled with hope and grace.A life to conquer all fears in your mighty name .A life of dignity and respect , knowing that Iam your .My life , my path , my breath , my vision is in you Jesus .Help me to lift your name higher .No believing any judgement or lies that make the seas go more and more rough each single day. Jesus help me to stand my ground no matter what for you are with me. You will never break a promise. You came to give me life. A life to be a witness to the truth in your promises and a thankful and grateful heart for each thing you have given to me. In you Jesus I know Iam safe , you rescued me , no matter is happening around ,I choose to swim in a rough sea, not knowing when Iam going to reach the shore . Where I can find me rest and wittiness your glory .
It is not about me Jesus .It is all about you within me .Iam found in you. Help me to understand my path in you even I can not see it or understand it, all I know that you are holding me in the palm of your hand . My day and my life is in you and with you .Help me to finish my race and be a witness for your glory .Help me not to believe anything is not from you Jesus ,for your ways are straight and clear . Jesus you brought me into life ,because in you alone there is always a life .A life of grace and mercy. A life of truth and endurance. A life of an endless love that has been given to us freely .
Iam still searching and seeking , knocking doors to understand my path in you . This is my life and it is all yours ,till I find my way in you Jesus ,I'll keep sailing against the waves , even I get weary , my rest in you . There is a whole world around me ,I don't understand anything else but my life in you .That is my true step and sense of the world around me .To praise you .To follow you , to give you honor and glory ,despite all the swords that keep beating me . Jesus you have the power . Let your glory shine . Even I sail against the rough waves , I know you are there ,calling up on your name to rescue me again and again as I can not do it alone .
Friday, April 29, 2016
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Jesus Heals.......That what I believe
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Wednesday, April 20, 2016
A profound view of Self Design
Maybe we take our bodies for granted as a mass of flesh, bones , Veins ,arteries, nerves and all connected to work together .To keep this indescribable machine that was granted for us to exist here on earth .What a complex profound design ever exist .Nothing can be compared to it and its ability to bear another load unto it our emotions and feelings and that is the main axis that the whole life revolves around . These two things that form our perception about everyone around us and how we choose what can be into our day and what is not .
The food you eat ,what you drink, what you wear ,everything you use in your day to day and yet, the big part is our combination of mixed , complex emotions and feelings about one another.These two factors can make your life like a symphony is played by the most brilliant maestro , who is aware of the master piece in his/her hand .That rhythm that capture all the attention for its greatness and uniqueness . Who don't want to experience this masterpiece is being played over and over and taking our souls into the realm of harmony and being lifted up .Imagine yourself this master piece here on earth how come you could allow any un- comprehensible piece , away from the harmony to mess up this piece ,It is you .And here we have to pay our attention to our two factors that move everything around into our minds , hearts and then the body react upon all these receptors .
Iam honored when I was created .I was valued when He gave me my name .I live by His spirit in me so what else I can see around me .You are hearing this master piece is being played in your ears and you can see it with your eyes and this what is reflected on the outside ,the embrace of such gift has been given to us .A non stop joy and satisfaction that you are able to live it ,what else I can enjoy above that ,that is the ultimate power of His greatness in me .So , I am His and I am grateful for that that was the mystery that surrounds my life why my smile as I live with Him all my life ,my heavenly father who made me and made everything .We all His ,celebrating His kingdom on earth happened that it doesn't exist .
How can I explain this realm of joy to others and all they can see is the flesh that my soul dwells in ? talking in the spirit what do you mean? being judged for each action and closing the air so tight for me, who am I to have all these hot lashes day by day and they are not declared to me openly , honestly and they are like cancer spreading around me to kill my humanity . God what wrong I did ,forgive me for misunderstanding the world around me .For you set us free and you created us equal no difference among us only efforts to have a better life can differ from one to another .And your teaching for us is to be humble and to respect the human in us , So ,I am not able anymore to understand the shadows around me and how these shadows spread ed over the years .
Thinking of our creation and that we were meant to walk with you and fear not , help me to believe that and have fully trust that you created us wonderfully and fearfully . Jesus how my journey turned that way , it is all yours. Thinking of freedom of choice and questioning what this means when everything I think of and do is to give you all the glory and honor? Jesus open my eyes to the truth , I lay it all in your hands again.I do believe in the power of the cross that you will walk me through this , to reveal the truth in your mighty name .
The food you eat ,what you drink, what you wear ,everything you use in your day to day and yet, the big part is our combination of mixed , complex emotions and feelings about one another.These two factors can make your life like a symphony is played by the most brilliant maestro , who is aware of the master piece in his/her hand .That rhythm that capture all the attention for its greatness and uniqueness . Who don't want to experience this masterpiece is being played over and over and taking our souls into the realm of harmony and being lifted up .Imagine yourself this master piece here on earth how come you could allow any un- comprehensible piece , away from the harmony to mess up this piece ,It is you .And here we have to pay our attention to our two factors that move everything around into our minds , hearts and then the body react upon all these receptors .
Iam honored when I was created .I was valued when He gave me my name .I live by His spirit in me so what else I can see around me .You are hearing this master piece is being played in your ears and you can see it with your eyes and this what is reflected on the outside ,the embrace of such gift has been given to us .A non stop joy and satisfaction that you are able to live it ,what else I can enjoy above that ,that is the ultimate power of His greatness in me .So , I am His and I am grateful for that that was the mystery that surrounds my life why my smile as I live with Him all my life ,my heavenly father who made me and made everything .We all His ,celebrating His kingdom on earth happened that it doesn't exist .
How can I explain this realm of joy to others and all they can see is the flesh that my soul dwells in ? talking in the spirit what do you mean? being judged for each action and closing the air so tight for me, who am I to have all these hot lashes day by day and they are not declared to me openly , honestly and they are like cancer spreading around me to kill my humanity . God what wrong I did ,forgive me for misunderstanding the world around me .For you set us free and you created us equal no difference among us only efforts to have a better life can differ from one to another .And your teaching for us is to be humble and to respect the human in us , So ,I am not able anymore to understand the shadows around me and how these shadows spread ed over the years .
Thinking of our creation and that we were meant to walk with you and fear not , help me to believe that and have fully trust that you created us wonderfully and fearfully . Jesus how my journey turned that way , it is all yours. Thinking of freedom of choice and questioning what this means when everything I think of and do is to give you all the glory and honor? Jesus open my eyes to the truth , I lay it all in your hands again.I do believe in the power of the cross that you will walk me through this , to reveal the truth in your mighty name .
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Coming to Know Our True Self
God of wonders, God Almighty, God my God ,my father and my Creator . These are the words the came to my mind once I stroke by this idea how can I identify myself ? Who am I or who Am I truly are? Year after year , I started to learn about me and try to go deep inside to understand this complexity of my structure that was built over years . The first time I realized this it was like this : dysfunctional, one hundred million pieces scattered everywhere , hysterical , panicked , chasing thought to collect words or ideas that can make sense . Humpty Dumpty story ,couldn't put together again. A piece from west , another from east ,even we went in all original directions and sub- directions to experience if we can put humpty dumpty once again.
That was the first picture to see that brought me to another picture to reinvent yourself so you might understand who you were .Following blindly like a yo yo in the air . A child is happy to play with for a while and then get bored ,moving from one hand into another and got banged on the head millions of times and since it is just a thing , you couldn't reject or say " hey , stop banging on my head ." So the cycle goes round and round till you find yourself in an endless concurrent of tangled thread .That is not a good thing. And this is not something you like to understand yourself within. It is just a thing .Nope, that is not what it meant .Humpty dumpty is trying not to be scrambled egg with everything on top .Humpty dumpty once was and it could happen again .
That doesn't make sense , let's go back again with identifying my own self .Wait a minute don't take me again in this silly tale to tell again and again and here you say to yourself , excuse me you have to know yourself or it won't ever happen to understand exactly what is the meaning of being here on earth. Ok. What about you are a number or you are a machine that is functioning only because it exists. What about that living as a living thing by means breathing ,eating ,go to night night and all what you need to know that you have daily tasks to do so no further understanding than this. That will be good to experience .So, being the machine means no feelings , no emotions as they are the ones who brought you to this point in your life .Feelings and emotions means hurt so machines don't feel and that is a good thing all they do when they are misused or burnt out ,they stop working and here the need for a technician either to repair it to be back to function or to replace it with brabd new one and as you know broken machines , if the function again, they won't function with the fill power once they had , you have to be so careful about using them , gentle usage and that is not a good thing either to know that you are a broken machine that need care and lots of repairs , no one will be comfortable around her .As the steering wheel is not functioning at its high perfect speed ,so come on.That is really exhausting .Will you please think again .This is not something anyone want to know or hear .Please try to remember me .How I functioned one day in the world .
It is a battle never end ,especially after trauma .Witnessing many examples of humpty dumpty around through these year , there end was so dramatic ,either addiction , committing crime or suicide or even being red flag everywhere they go.That lead me to ask many questions why their stories ended like that wait a minute each one of them had Jesus in their lives and were surrounded by Christians and yet , the bad events and drama never stopped till they disappeared from life and here the panic ,the anxiety are being lifted to a higher level why each story has to end like that .Humpty dumpty never put together again .Each story represents a life of a woman , a girl and a family ,each story leave a question mark why each story has to end like that .Is this will be my story as well ? Carrying my anxiety and fears to who ever I meet and here my life turned over istead of questioning it turned to me to be questioned and have question marks around me so instead of finding a way of hope and joy for humpty dumpty , I became again a scrambled eggs .
Jesus I turn the question to you now , you gave your life to give me life. Your promise come to me all ye heavy burden and I'll give you rest. You promised to let us drink from the living water to be filled with the fruit of the spirit love , joy , peace , forbearance, kindness , goodness, faithfulness ,gentleness and self-control.Fruits that crown us with your relentless mercy . Fruits means the most valuable harvest of good things to nurture our body , mind and soul . Jesus you never promised that those who dwell in you will live in bitterness and grieve till the end of their lives .This is not the hope that you came for Jesus .Now my question is turning to you in you we find our refuge and strength. Nothing else. So , hard to see the enemy's battle within your body , where we have to be one we stand against each other .I want to understand my soul in you Jesus.
That is how I would like to find myself and through you , not as the world design and plan .Let's go back to the origin of the story why God gives His only begotten son to be on earth in the flesh , being trialed and accused and those who opposed Him never accepted Him till He was on the cross and all this has to happen to fulfill our heavenly father on earth to reunite us again with our heavenly father , to forgive all our sins , to give us eternal life that starts once you invite Christ into your life .As he came for you .You become His own who was made and remade for His glory not for bitterness or sin.So why not I dwell in that this is me and that is the true me .
That is so simple , not being man-made toy or machine that can expire at anytime or being destroyed and crushed with no mercy .You are in Jesus and you represent the fruit of the holy spirit that is my life is all about .Away from all the hurt , pain or chains that are trying to rob you away from you foundation in Jesus Christ. Understanding your true self means know who you belong to and what he called you "His own child" .In Christ I found my salvation and the endless song of love and acceptance .Try to stand your ground for He called you by name .You are His daughter ,and He will never stain you or hurt you ,for His language always the language of love and healing .
My healing exists in my savior and lord who gives me life . LORD, help me to have my peace once again , to forgive all the transgressions and pain and hurt had been done. Jesus help me to break through into your grace and love and you already paved the way for me , I listened to the message of love that you always repeating and wants me to believe it at the church today " LOVE WINS" After the service i was all shaken , trembled as these moments from the past triggers themselves again into my mind and my body started to react .This shakiness that I want to break free from so help me LORD .Help me I do need it to live my present that you have gifted me with .
Jesus ,I know that you are wherever I go.. It is me who needs not to give a chance for the enemy to control how I feel when the words of pain and hurt are mentioned. Help me to get back to the spot of healing and understanding for all your love that overcome the whole world .Help me to forgive in Jesus name ,in Jesus name .In your Mighty name , in Your Holy presence .In Your endless grace and peace help me to forgive .Jesus ,Jesus you are my life .You gave your life already .It is me who needs to believe it even without seeing it .I lay everything again at the cross .You are my life ,Heavenly father who cares , loves and protect till you call me home Iam yours ,help me to forgive ,do help me to life a life to witness your goodness in our lives all these drama is not from you ,that is not you Jesus .In You ,I found my hope, healing and the joy that I lives once and I want it back.Help me to offer the life of hope not death lord .Lord Jesus this is not from you .You are the lord of love , mercy and kindness this is you mighty power and nothing on earth can bring this into a human life , only you Jesus and this me in you a witness to the hope that I found in Jesus Christ that is my ground.
That was the first picture to see that brought me to another picture to reinvent yourself so you might understand who you were .Following blindly like a yo yo in the air . A child is happy to play with for a while and then get bored ,moving from one hand into another and got banged on the head millions of times and since it is just a thing , you couldn't reject or say " hey , stop banging on my head ." So the cycle goes round and round till you find yourself in an endless concurrent of tangled thread .That is not a good thing. And this is not something you like to understand yourself within. It is just a thing .Nope, that is not what it meant .Humpty dumpty is trying not to be scrambled egg with everything on top .Humpty dumpty once was and it could happen again .
That doesn't make sense , let's go back again with identifying my own self .Wait a minute don't take me again in this silly tale to tell again and again and here you say to yourself , excuse me you have to know yourself or it won't ever happen to understand exactly what is the meaning of being here on earth. Ok. What about you are a number or you are a machine that is functioning only because it exists. What about that living as a living thing by means breathing ,eating ,go to night night and all what you need to know that you have daily tasks to do so no further understanding than this. That will be good to experience .So, being the machine means no feelings , no emotions as they are the ones who brought you to this point in your life .Feelings and emotions means hurt so machines don't feel and that is a good thing all they do when they are misused or burnt out ,they stop working and here the need for a technician either to repair it to be back to function or to replace it with brabd new one and as you know broken machines , if the function again, they won't function with the fill power once they had , you have to be so careful about using them , gentle usage and that is not a good thing either to know that you are a broken machine that need care and lots of repairs , no one will be comfortable around her .As the steering wheel is not functioning at its high perfect speed ,so come on.That is really exhausting .Will you please think again .This is not something anyone want to know or hear .Please try to remember me .How I functioned one day in the world .
It is a battle never end ,especially after trauma .Witnessing many examples of humpty dumpty around through these year , there end was so dramatic ,either addiction , committing crime or suicide or even being red flag everywhere they go.That lead me to ask many questions why their stories ended like that wait a minute each one of them had Jesus in their lives and were surrounded by Christians and yet , the bad events and drama never stopped till they disappeared from life and here the panic ,the anxiety are being lifted to a higher level why each story has to end like that .Humpty dumpty never put together again .Each story represents a life of a woman , a girl and a family ,each story leave a question mark why each story has to end like that .Is this will be my story as well ? Carrying my anxiety and fears to who ever I meet and here my life turned over istead of questioning it turned to me to be questioned and have question marks around me so instead of finding a way of hope and joy for humpty dumpty , I became again a scrambled eggs .
Jesus I turn the question to you now , you gave your life to give me life. Your promise come to me all ye heavy burden and I'll give you rest. You promised to let us drink from the living water to be filled with the fruit of the spirit love , joy , peace , forbearance, kindness , goodness, faithfulness ,gentleness and self-control.Fruits that crown us with your relentless mercy . Fruits means the most valuable harvest of good things to nurture our body , mind and soul . Jesus you never promised that those who dwell in you will live in bitterness and grieve till the end of their lives .This is not the hope that you came for Jesus .Now my question is turning to you in you we find our refuge and strength. Nothing else. So , hard to see the enemy's battle within your body , where we have to be one we stand against each other .I want to understand my soul in you Jesus.
That is how I would like to find myself and through you , not as the world design and plan .Let's go back to the origin of the story why God gives His only begotten son to be on earth in the flesh , being trialed and accused and those who opposed Him never accepted Him till He was on the cross and all this has to happen to fulfill our heavenly father on earth to reunite us again with our heavenly father , to forgive all our sins , to give us eternal life that starts once you invite Christ into your life .As he came for you .You become His own who was made and remade for His glory not for bitterness or sin.So why not I dwell in that this is me and that is the true me .
That is so simple , not being man-made toy or machine that can expire at anytime or being destroyed and crushed with no mercy .You are in Jesus and you represent the fruit of the holy spirit that is my life is all about .Away from all the hurt , pain or chains that are trying to rob you away from you foundation in Jesus Christ. Understanding your true self means know who you belong to and what he called you "His own child" .In Christ I found my salvation and the endless song of love and acceptance .Try to stand your ground for He called you by name .You are His daughter ,and He will never stain you or hurt you ,for His language always the language of love and healing .
My healing exists in my savior and lord who gives me life . LORD, help me to have my peace once again , to forgive all the transgressions and pain and hurt had been done. Jesus help me to break through into your grace and love and you already paved the way for me , I listened to the message of love that you always repeating and wants me to believe it at the church today " LOVE WINS" After the service i was all shaken , trembled as these moments from the past triggers themselves again into my mind and my body started to react .This shakiness that I want to break free from so help me LORD .Help me I do need it to live my present that you have gifted me with .
Jesus ,I know that you are wherever I go.. It is me who needs not to give a chance for the enemy to control how I feel when the words of pain and hurt are mentioned. Help me to get back to the spot of healing and understanding for all your love that overcome the whole world .Help me to forgive in Jesus name ,in Jesus name .In your Mighty name , in Your Holy presence .In Your endless grace and peace help me to forgive .Jesus ,Jesus you are my life .You gave your life already .It is me who needs to believe it even without seeing it .I lay everything again at the cross .You are my life ,Heavenly father who cares , loves and protect till you call me home Iam yours ,help me to forgive ,do help me to life a life to witness your goodness in our lives all these drama is not from you ,that is not you Jesus .In You ,I found my hope, healing and the joy that I lives once and I want it back.Help me to offer the life of hope not death lord .Lord Jesus this is not from you .You are the lord of love , mercy and kindness this is you mighty power and nothing on earth can bring this into a human life , only you Jesus and this me in you a witness to the hope that I found in Jesus Christ that is my ground.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Rays & Strains
It is a new day, looking at the sun shinning all around.The beauty that surrounds the place.Like a dream come true to feel that peace coming within. Breathing so deeply and smiling ,telling myself will That be like this everyday? Whispers and songs are playing that ray of joy and happiness that I can't feel it somewhere else. Like a dreamer living in her own imagination and the rhythm of harmony and joy.That ray of hope that gives me a new dream , a new line of endless words ,reflecting my own true self. Who don't like to feel like this. The harmony of nature within the soul,chanting the song of hope away from any strains could happen or done.
Stretching my arms to the endless power that I can. Looking at every corner around me ,being grateful for THE ONE who made all of this.His grace is endless and His giving are free .He made it all for you and me .Looking at the faces of peace that reflect itself in each place I go.What is happening today? It is another day to pick myself up from this dark hole that is trying to push its way into my life , no matter I try to ignore , it doesn't want to leave me alone.If we think of that persistent power to tighten its strains around my life .I give her a chance to win over and over and Iam diminishing myself and the light that I walk within .
To think or not to think , it happens and it will keep happening if I don't deny it and walk with assurance that He is who created all this beauty and surround us with His Mighty grace, I won't be able to appreciate what He gives me ,my day.My breath, my peace, my joy and resilience within my soul.
Away from politics and personal interest , you have the strength to overcome strains that are loaded on your plate.Breaking it to pieces to understand how to walk in faith that what all life is about.I came alone and I'll leave alone that is how I need to see my day, to be in a journey with Him in unity and oneness.He owns me and He is giving me a chance to witness His limitless power over the earth.Lots is going on so we don't give a chance for more.Deal with the sun ray as a message of a new birth and new life into your day, leaving behind all what bring you down .In His grace we overcome.In His grace we can live.And the meaning of life is not something tangible or can be limited to certain events or happenings.Life is a mysterious meaning of unlimited blessings from the breath to the daily bread.From the smile on faces to the tap on the shoulders for those who are hurt.
There is alot going on already in the world , so try to find your ray of endless flow of love to feed your tiring soul .In His fellowship ,I can see myself,In His presence I can rest knowing He is here with me ,looking after me , my loving father to whom I belong.I want to chant Him a song of praise where no other song can be .A song of showing His miraculous works in my life despite all the hurt.Walking with faith is not an easy route to follow .God you know me more than anyone else .Thanks for all ray of hope and joy that fill my day.You only give me a breath to have that endless conversation with You any time I want. My father , my shelter and refuge and strength .I want only to sing this song of love to you ,To you alone I belong .My fortress , my temple and my flowing water with a majestic scent that takes my heart to have an endless joy in your presence. My streams of water that are enough ,even there is only a drop as it will be equal to all the passion that exist here on earth .Your grace subtracts my strains .Clearing my vision and breaking these strains with no return .You set me free and that what I believe with no question that I am Yours .
Stretching my arms to the endless power that I can. Looking at every corner around me ,being grateful for THE ONE who made all of this.His grace is endless and His giving are free .He made it all for you and me .Looking at the faces of peace that reflect itself in each place I go.What is happening today? It is another day to pick myself up from this dark hole that is trying to push its way into my life , no matter I try to ignore , it doesn't want to leave me alone.If we think of that persistent power to tighten its strains around my life .I give her a chance to win over and over and Iam diminishing myself and the light that I walk within .
To think or not to think , it happens and it will keep happening if I don't deny it and walk with assurance that He is who created all this beauty and surround us with His Mighty grace, I won't be able to appreciate what He gives me ,my day.My breath, my peace, my joy and resilience within my soul.
Away from politics and personal interest , you have the strength to overcome strains that are loaded on your plate.Breaking it to pieces to understand how to walk in faith that what all life is about.I came alone and I'll leave alone that is how I need to see my day, to be in a journey with Him in unity and oneness.He owns me and He is giving me a chance to witness His limitless power over the earth.Lots is going on so we don't give a chance for more.Deal with the sun ray as a message of a new birth and new life into your day, leaving behind all what bring you down .In His grace we overcome.In His grace we can live.And the meaning of life is not something tangible or can be limited to certain events or happenings.Life is a mysterious meaning of unlimited blessings from the breath to the daily bread.From the smile on faces to the tap on the shoulders for those who are hurt.
There is alot going on already in the world , so try to find your ray of endless flow of love to feed your tiring soul .In His fellowship ,I can see myself,In His presence I can rest knowing He is here with me ,looking after me , my loving father to whom I belong.I want to chant Him a song of praise where no other song can be .A song of showing His miraculous works in my life despite all the hurt.Walking with faith is not an easy route to follow .God you know me more than anyone else .Thanks for all ray of hope and joy that fill my day.You only give me a breath to have that endless conversation with You any time I want. My father , my shelter and refuge and strength .I want only to sing this song of love to you ,To you alone I belong .My fortress , my temple and my flowing water with a majestic scent that takes my heart to have an endless joy in your presence. My streams of water that are enough ,even there is only a drop as it will be equal to all the passion that exist here on earth .Your grace subtracts my strains .Clearing my vision and breaking these strains with no return .You set me free and that what I believe with no question that I am Yours .
Friday, April 15, 2016
Understanding & Clarity
Yes,It has been many years now walking with the unknown ,even if I knew anything before .I came to a stop where Iam not sure about anything anymore.First, I allowed to follow blindly and do what I trusted it is the right thing to do.Year after year ,I look back and see that I am like the 4 and 5 years old I meet everyday who believe in fairy tales, magic and the superheros who will change the world with their touch of magic and the make believe super powers. And it wasn't me who has the magic or the super power,it was each situation I have been through and how I allowed my self to follow without questioning.Looking back and I say , yes, that is me who allowed to be the person I hardly know right now " Me" or the shadow that took place on top of the real me.
The shadow of fear and this fast track heart beat when Iam among crowed. I am no longer in peace when too much going on around me, stumble ,and trying to look away, to bring my normal breath back.Something from the past still chasing me .Like a child lost his/her parents and holding on anybody gives attention to her. Like a child who wants to feel safe and this security of someone to know .Yes, that feeling of complete dependency on someone to carry her through.Fears are the main thing that keep following me from the past , present and the moment to come.No believing my guts and here , falling in the same spot of ignorance and unawareness of everyday life . What this or that mean and how to manage day by day. The more I walk , my bruises keep to reveal themselves and bring me to this point that no more able to understand where I am and why things are going this way.
No social skills or life skills , a child in the body of an adult.All the walls are demolished . All barriers no more exist .Pouring out my heart , pain deeper feelings ,secrets and insights. I wanted to talk to release all these panic attacks and fears somehow. Day by day passes , year after year and no idea that all this will be used against my own humanity and I'll be in this spot one day, defendless, and no other way to go ,to come back to the survival mood knowing one day I was already dead ,so that is it .Watching all this going on, nothing to do but to keep moving and never look back.The child is growing in a very costly way.One day I was judged because of how I think and believe .Today, the judgement because of the way I choose.The child is growing and the battle never ended . You have to keep moving. Don't stop. Scenarios are repeating themselves.Scenarios are not understandable and the battle is keep happening , it never stops or want to give me a break.
This mind of wondering of everything around not able to get all the pieces together .Are there real humans that live the day to do without questioning or doubting or lifting each other up ? I came to a stop no more able to sense anything, refusing this child to grow. Growing means knowing more and that hurts. Growing means to come to the reality of where you are and why your life is not simple like many others. It is hard to be joyful around everything is being judged. This mentality I refuse to dwell in it and want understand what is right.
To realize the reality around , means you have to shut yourself down and be limited, concise and specific .No way around.And Yet , alot I don't know and alot I have been taken advantage of ,due to my ignorance and lack of knowledge .You will be undermined and no respect . No blame for anyone as it is me who has all the blame. Not understanding and walking with the unknown like a child ,never been a way for real life.Won't help to stand your ground when it is needed .Your lack of knowledge , wisdom and discernment that is your crime. A child in a body of an adult what a pathetic configuration to have about yourself that is why is easy to stumble and all the bad scenarios had happened. Seeking clarity ,you have no clarity ,you have to walk within the puzzle of life.To live as a victim ,this is the spirit of a loser and a person who is not able to carry the responsibility of each situation had happened and still happening.Lack of knowledge , understanding and clarity are the main components for anything to happen.
Trying to grow in a different way with a heart of service and giving your life and no one owns it .Only The One who created me own my life. He is the One who wonderfully and fearfully created me no one else.Everyone I meet is shaping a part of my whole story .That's God story who weaved my days and years.He made me so what else I do need.His spirit is alive and active in me.He carries me despite all what I had been through and yet, that gives me a new perspective about life.
Life is not everything we see.Life is the inner soul and peace that once was created in me. Iam His servant and that is how I want to understand and wondering How He created me and weaved my mind, body and soul.Why we are not all see each other like that? Why we keep on interpreting wrong messages and passing them to one another? Why we keep on classifying everyone according to our misconceptions and not be straight forward , instead of going on loops behind the scenes and wasting life. He saved me once , He was with me and still I do believe that ,so why all these mingled weeds keeping warping themselves around me and I am one not ten?
I understood that clarity and justice are just words not an act or a reality can live among us.We have to go through these unexplained detours from even others we don't know or barely know.The destruction of humanity is made by man not God, the hurt ,the pain ,the suffering not from God .We meant to weave all these tangled islands to keep authority and power over each other lives. That is the reality I do understand . that is the clarity that is needed to be more clear that humans are on earth to create their own realities .To create their own rules, policies and plots and schemes ,not God .
To understand God's will became a very fearful fact that I don't deserve anything of my own and it is all go back to Him. Living day by day in the shadow of His presence , knowing that I do don't deserve anything of my own , it is all His. Iam in a loop of illusion called truth. Question it or take it you have to understand and be clear where you are exactly are.All what is happening is not real so I have to deny everything and allow myself to reach the truth once again .None of what has been said is true and I don't know anymore what can I listen to and know that is true .Lack of honesty as well became a reality .We are in the race of serving two masters which is not from God.God lead me to the truth as Iam not able anymore to discern .
The shadow of fear and this fast track heart beat when Iam among crowed. I am no longer in peace when too much going on around me, stumble ,and trying to look away, to bring my normal breath back.Something from the past still chasing me .Like a child lost his/her parents and holding on anybody gives attention to her. Like a child who wants to feel safe and this security of someone to know .Yes, that feeling of complete dependency on someone to carry her through.Fears are the main thing that keep following me from the past , present and the moment to come.No believing my guts and here , falling in the same spot of ignorance and unawareness of everyday life . What this or that mean and how to manage day by day. The more I walk , my bruises keep to reveal themselves and bring me to this point that no more able to understand where I am and why things are going this way.
No social skills or life skills , a child in the body of an adult.All the walls are demolished . All barriers no more exist .Pouring out my heart , pain deeper feelings ,secrets and insights. I wanted to talk to release all these panic attacks and fears somehow. Day by day passes , year after year and no idea that all this will be used against my own humanity and I'll be in this spot one day, defendless, and no other way to go ,to come back to the survival mood knowing one day I was already dead ,so that is it .Watching all this going on, nothing to do but to keep moving and never look back.The child is growing in a very costly way.One day I was judged because of how I think and believe .Today, the judgement because of the way I choose.The child is growing and the battle never ended . You have to keep moving. Don't stop. Scenarios are repeating themselves.Scenarios are not understandable and the battle is keep happening , it never stops or want to give me a break.
This mind of wondering of everything around not able to get all the pieces together .Are there real humans that live the day to do without questioning or doubting or lifting each other up ? I came to a stop no more able to sense anything, refusing this child to grow. Growing means knowing more and that hurts. Growing means to come to the reality of where you are and why your life is not simple like many others. It is hard to be joyful around everything is being judged. This mentality I refuse to dwell in it and want understand what is right.
To realize the reality around , means you have to shut yourself down and be limited, concise and specific .No way around.And Yet , alot I don't know and alot I have been taken advantage of ,due to my ignorance and lack of knowledge .You will be undermined and no respect . No blame for anyone as it is me who has all the blame. Not understanding and walking with the unknown like a child ,never been a way for real life.Won't help to stand your ground when it is needed .Your lack of knowledge , wisdom and discernment that is your crime. A child in a body of an adult what a pathetic configuration to have about yourself that is why is easy to stumble and all the bad scenarios had happened. Seeking clarity ,you have no clarity ,you have to walk within the puzzle of life.To live as a victim ,this is the spirit of a loser and a person who is not able to carry the responsibility of each situation had happened and still happening.Lack of knowledge , understanding and clarity are the main components for anything to happen.
Trying to grow in a different way with a heart of service and giving your life and no one owns it .Only The One who created me own my life. He is the One who wonderfully and fearfully created me no one else.Everyone I meet is shaping a part of my whole story .That's God story who weaved my days and years.He made me so what else I do need.His spirit is alive and active in me.He carries me despite all what I had been through and yet, that gives me a new perspective about life.
Life is not everything we see.Life is the inner soul and peace that once was created in me. Iam His servant and that is how I want to understand and wondering How He created me and weaved my mind, body and soul.Why we are not all see each other like that? Why we keep on interpreting wrong messages and passing them to one another? Why we keep on classifying everyone according to our misconceptions and not be straight forward , instead of going on loops behind the scenes and wasting life. He saved me once , He was with me and still I do believe that ,so why all these mingled weeds keeping warping themselves around me and I am one not ten?
I understood that clarity and justice are just words not an act or a reality can live among us.We have to go through these unexplained detours from even others we don't know or barely know.The destruction of humanity is made by man not God, the hurt ,the pain ,the suffering not from God .We meant to weave all these tangled islands to keep authority and power over each other lives. That is the reality I do understand . that is the clarity that is needed to be more clear that humans are on earth to create their own realities .To create their own rules, policies and plots and schemes ,not God .
To understand God's will became a very fearful fact that I don't deserve anything of my own and it is all go back to Him. Living day by day in the shadow of His presence , knowing that I do don't deserve anything of my own , it is all His. Iam in a loop of illusion called truth. Question it or take it you have to understand and be clear where you are exactly are.All what is happening is not real so I have to deny everything and allow myself to reach the truth once again .None of what has been said is true and I don't know anymore what can I listen to and know that is true .Lack of honesty as well became a reality .We are in the race of serving two masters which is not from God.God lead me to the truth as Iam not able anymore to discern .
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Have you Ever believed In Guardian Angels ?
That's the thought that is coming back and forth into my mind most of the time these days. Yes, many mysterious events happened and getting harder since fall 2014. A very hard time Iam going through that first I didn't pay attention to it that is happening till April 2015. First I was overwhelmed by the amount of chaos , instability, hot events through the day .You don't understand what is really going on. Higher level of anxiety , no confidence in myself anymore ,even again the thought that Iam dead started to come back to me once again .I started to give any materialistic thing around me away as I don't want to feel carrying anything more important than me. I came to this deep belief that I already give it all before so I am no longer caring about what is around .I want to care about me where no one care. This stranger in a strange land who seeks to know herself and what she was created for .That's my mission and no one understands her where she is placed where everything is materialistically measured. The more I say no that is not me , the more the situation gets harder and harder .
I started to have the attitude of fight or flight . Other times i want to disappear , be on an isolated island where no bother at all.I started to hate myself and unable to feel the life around me .It is that feeling of being chained once again. One day a man chose to end my life and now what is happening and what wrong I did? Going through the fire sometimes with declaration Iam not a terrorist I am not a criminal ,Iam a human being what wrong with that .Speaking loud my mind , gets me in more and more hard situation and spot a person could ever imagined .Walking each day with question in your head " what wrong I did?" Seeking freedom of faith and choice does not mean still there are battles I have to go through .To drain hope in me .To limit my life in a psychological war .
Bringing me into this tight spots where I see no hope . Repetitive patterns keep happening .Reflecting on each day and another question comes to my mind " Is this how others see me and judge me? Thank you for that .Bringing myself to a spot of no hope , no choice ,no way out .Draining this spirit of doing inside of me .Again why no one owns me .I belong only to my creator who made me ,who set me free so what wrong I did?
When the battle slows down ,I say thank you my guardian angel .Thank you for looking after me while the world only judge the body .The body that one day someone abused and misused .Who am I? No longer know my old me.No more I belong to the old me .Losing confidence and trust .Wishing to be on the island with my guardian angel once again .he is the only one who sees me as Iam . The true me not the picture is trying to push itself into me life .He is the one who is giving me this ray of hope where there is no hope. Through my journey many broken promises, setbacks, hurts and it seems no end . Many times the question is keeping repeating itself ," what wrong I did?"
My dear guardian angel will you help me to find the answer and a castle of bad smoke started to shape its wall around my life and isolate me so I won't be able to sense a true life even for one day ,when I believe I do exist and I do value and nothing else more important than my soul and my true me that i am battling all the way long to bring her back to life ,No one could understand me around ,will you understand me my guardian angel .I love to come back to think to reveal my mind with confidence without being judged .To be and live .That's all about . Are you willing my guardian angel to walk with me with no hesitation that I do deserve a second chance?
I started to have the attitude of fight or flight . Other times i want to disappear , be on an isolated island where no bother at all.I started to hate myself and unable to feel the life around me .It is that feeling of being chained once again. One day a man chose to end my life and now what is happening and what wrong I did? Going through the fire sometimes with declaration Iam not a terrorist I am not a criminal ,Iam a human being what wrong with that .Speaking loud my mind , gets me in more and more hard situation and spot a person could ever imagined .Walking each day with question in your head " what wrong I did?" Seeking freedom of faith and choice does not mean still there are battles I have to go through .To drain hope in me .To limit my life in a psychological war .
Bringing me into this tight spots where I see no hope . Repetitive patterns keep happening .Reflecting on each day and another question comes to my mind " Is this how others see me and judge me? Thank you for that .Bringing myself to a spot of no hope , no choice ,no way out .Draining this spirit of doing inside of me .Again why no one owns me .I belong only to my creator who made me ,who set me free so what wrong I did?
When the battle slows down ,I say thank you my guardian angel .Thank you for looking after me while the world only judge the body .The body that one day someone abused and misused .Who am I? No longer know my old me.No more I belong to the old me .Losing confidence and trust .Wishing to be on the island with my guardian angel once again .he is the only one who sees me as Iam . The true me not the picture is trying to push itself into me life .He is the one who is giving me this ray of hope where there is no hope. Through my journey many broken promises, setbacks, hurts and it seems no end . Many times the question is keeping repeating itself ," what wrong I did?"
My dear guardian angel will you help me to find the answer and a castle of bad smoke started to shape its wall around my life and isolate me so I won't be able to sense a true life even for one day ,when I believe I do exist and I do value and nothing else more important than my soul and my true me that i am battling all the way long to bring her back to life ,No one could understand me around ,will you understand me my guardian angel .I love to come back to think to reveal my mind with confidence without being judged .To be and live .That's all about . Are you willing my guardian angel to walk with me with no hesitation that I do deserve a second chance?
Sunday, April 10, 2016
The unexpected Touch of Hearts
Day by day , that is the principle Iam trying to learn . Nothing is guaranteed , nothing can be the same and change is the principle of our life.To expect the unexpected that is a question mark for alot is going around on daily basis.Filled with lots of anxieties.Some from the past others from the present. Walking out of fears to face new fears .Is this real or it is the consequences of The past trauma .Unexplained behaviors,conclusions that may lead to more fears and anxieties.Revealing all of that to each one you meet became a new gate for bringing you down. Questioning does anyone understand or Iam daydreaming about getting out of such fearful cycle of bondage and no one owns me.It is a stressful feeling, to feel from fears to the unknown of where you are or who you are dealing with.
So important to understand who is walking the way with you , who is real and who is not.That is the hard part of giving your life away and walking with uncertainties.I do admit my foolishness and being dummy. I do admit my naivety and unawareness of where I am and who I share my heart with.Ten years ago I symbolized myself once with a broken leg chair , if you think of using it , it will make you fall.Another time ,Iam a fried potatoes who was peeled, sliced then thrown in a hot oil pan ,the heat change how it look and the usage as well.Call me crazy as years pass,and I realize that my world was never exist ,yesterday or even at a certain time of my present.
Going through many multitudes of everyday life ,the theory of being fool and dummy , proves itself day by day. Lacking the main component of understanding the meritocracy .For years these multi-layered life stages and changes.Challenges and surrendering.How all of this can exist in one life.The Old testament is repeating itself with all the chapters of polygamy, inheritance, jealousy, revenge, plotting,ending lives and starting ones.
With strange factor that never changed in me , my eyes as a recording camera for all events that happened through the years , reflecting back many questions , some unanswered others seeking answers for them , others already been answered .This eye and mind that don't want to stop interpreting the whys and all these complex combinations of life that we create for ourselves that result in too many hurt happen around .
Yes,Coming back to the question why me always on a hot surface and giving the chance to be owned. The spirit of slavery and blind submission that rob you out of the true you or how God created you .Living the life of submission to the hurt , abuse and misuse , left you with this mentality that this won't come to an end . Unable to see the ray of hope that is surrounding you in God's gracious goodness.The past left you with this stubborn mentality that hurt is coming any way .You have to be defensive , sometimes you do lose yourself in despair and anger .Boiling feelings inside , You are afraid they will burst or the surface once again.A deep cry inside of you building itself without any control over it.
Patterns from the past keep repeating themselves , trying to run away from all this injustice around, asking why me and why Iam not free in the deep sense of true life , breaking free is a huge step to happen . Trying to find the true you , you have to give away anything that will measure you as a tool . Iam not a tool? Iam a human , body, soul and spirit. I have a human mind not a slave mind . No more slavery we are living in the 21st century .A conflict aroused to start saying no for no . To choose different way than what has been advised as this deep sound inside of ,repeating you are not a slave anymore . You are free, your life is different from so many patterns happen before .You are the one who can understand you.Seeking hope everywhere . Refusing and judgement comes my way. All criticism I receive on daily bases , all the rejection and the unspoken words about me. All this has to come to an end for we are honored because of Him not ourselves.
Carrying the cross to find the truth of the true me. The one He created one day. Feeling stranger , judged, criticized and even profiled ,all what comes to me is Jesus who made no sin and He was crucified on the cross . Walking with a wondering eye why me and what others see in me that they feel that it is their right to slice me ?///Hard spot for a human can find herself in ?? Days pass, years ,all what I learn is that I haven't found my world yet. With all the pain and trials Iam in the detouring spot .All ways look the same that means the same results you will get .Not being aware of who you are and what you are created for , will make you a traveler through tens and hundreds of valleys to explore who you are .
Traveling through the valleys , will allow you to meet with patterns from the past , here all fears and traumatic memories will rise over and over . It won't end .You will meet with others who you won't get the chance to know truly they are as they pass by so quick. Among all patterns you witness this breeze that coming your way , it is there and the heat from the past ,stumbling you to come to a fully realization of the calling for your body, mind and soul to be healed. Background noises break you down, they won't get you to a better place. They won't help you anyway , these are the voices from the past that keep repeating themselves in different faces and name and the nature is one , all what you get is that hot flames burning day. Robbing you from your peace and distract you fro finding your way.The hard way is to come familiar with these background voices and don't allow you to be beaten and fall apart that is their mission in life and it won't change .It is you who has to pay attention to the breeze of love that God led you to , to believe it and know that it is real not fake , to walk with Him in peace ,realizing the loving touch of the hearts that don't boast or shout out what they do, they are the true heart of Jesus. He is faithful and He never breaks a promise .
To realize The stop where He wants you , here the true healing journey will start as you know where you are, you hear His voice and the angels are guiding you through the gate to be in Journey in His loving kindness and allowing His love to heal you, to give it a chance as for so long you are seeking and searching , now you are reaching your destination where His breeze of love will never end .
So important to understand who is walking the way with you , who is real and who is not.That is the hard part of giving your life away and walking with uncertainties.I do admit my foolishness and being dummy. I do admit my naivety and unawareness of where I am and who I share my heart with.Ten years ago I symbolized myself once with a broken leg chair , if you think of using it , it will make you fall.Another time ,Iam a fried potatoes who was peeled, sliced then thrown in a hot oil pan ,the heat change how it look and the usage as well.Call me crazy as years pass,and I realize that my world was never exist ,yesterday or even at a certain time of my present.
Going through many multitudes of everyday life ,the theory of being fool and dummy , proves itself day by day. Lacking the main component of understanding the meritocracy .For years these multi-layered life stages and changes.Challenges and surrendering.How all of this can exist in one life.The Old testament is repeating itself with all the chapters of polygamy, inheritance, jealousy, revenge, plotting,ending lives and starting ones.
With strange factor that never changed in me , my eyes as a recording camera for all events that happened through the years , reflecting back many questions , some unanswered others seeking answers for them , others already been answered .This eye and mind that don't want to stop interpreting the whys and all these complex combinations of life that we create for ourselves that result in too many hurt happen around .
Yes,Coming back to the question why me always on a hot surface and giving the chance to be owned. The spirit of slavery and blind submission that rob you out of the true you or how God created you .Living the life of submission to the hurt , abuse and misuse , left you with this mentality that this won't come to an end . Unable to see the ray of hope that is surrounding you in God's gracious goodness.The past left you with this stubborn mentality that hurt is coming any way .You have to be defensive , sometimes you do lose yourself in despair and anger .Boiling feelings inside , You are afraid they will burst or the surface once again.A deep cry inside of you building itself without any control over it.
Patterns from the past keep repeating themselves , trying to run away from all this injustice around, asking why me and why Iam not free in the deep sense of true life , breaking free is a huge step to happen . Trying to find the true you , you have to give away anything that will measure you as a tool . Iam not a tool? Iam a human , body, soul and spirit. I have a human mind not a slave mind . No more slavery we are living in the 21st century .A conflict aroused to start saying no for no . To choose different way than what has been advised as this deep sound inside of ,repeating you are not a slave anymore . You are free, your life is different from so many patterns happen before .You are the one who can understand you.Seeking hope everywhere . Refusing and judgement comes my way. All criticism I receive on daily bases , all the rejection and the unspoken words about me. All this has to come to an end for we are honored because of Him not ourselves.
Carrying the cross to find the truth of the true me. The one He created one day. Feeling stranger , judged, criticized and even profiled ,all what comes to me is Jesus who made no sin and He was crucified on the cross . Walking with a wondering eye why me and what others see in me that they feel that it is their right to slice me ?///Hard spot for a human can find herself in ?? Days pass, years ,all what I learn is that I haven't found my world yet. With all the pain and trials Iam in the detouring spot .All ways look the same that means the same results you will get .Not being aware of who you are and what you are created for , will make you a traveler through tens and hundreds of valleys to explore who you are .
Traveling through the valleys , will allow you to meet with patterns from the past , here all fears and traumatic memories will rise over and over . It won't end .You will meet with others who you won't get the chance to know truly they are as they pass by so quick. Among all patterns you witness this breeze that coming your way , it is there and the heat from the past ,stumbling you to come to a fully realization of the calling for your body, mind and soul to be healed. Background noises break you down, they won't get you to a better place. They won't help you anyway , these are the voices from the past that keep repeating themselves in different faces and name and the nature is one , all what you get is that hot flames burning day. Robbing you from your peace and distract you fro finding your way.The hard way is to come familiar with these background voices and don't allow you to be beaten and fall apart that is their mission in life and it won't change .It is you who has to pay attention to the breeze of love that God led you to , to believe it and know that it is real not fake , to walk with Him in peace ,realizing the loving touch of the hearts that don't boast or shout out what they do, they are the true heart of Jesus. He is faithful and He never breaks a promise .
To realize The stop where He wants you , here the true healing journey will start as you know where you are, you hear His voice and the angels are guiding you through the gate to be in Journey in His loving kindness and allowing His love to heal you, to give it a chance as for so long you are seeking and searching , now you are reaching your destination where His breeze of love will never end .
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Rethinking Humanity
Generation after generation , we go through an endless race of exchanging powers.Trying to pass the same beliefs , grieves ,amenity and such volcano of intermingled spider web of globalization. Not enabling the new generation to form their own vision and understanding to the world they want themselves to be seen in .Inheriting that brokenness and tiredness will not lead to any further sparkle of hope .A tiring body won't be able to function properly within the unstoppable change occurring around .Nations were siege , humans had been tormented to death or to the degree of insanity that you won't be able to see any clear features of all the skeletons living on earth .What a dead body and soul can do? it is hard to figure our how much harm we humans did to one another .
Living in darkness ,leads to darkness . Living in anger and resentment will lead us to more brokenness. It is not good or healthy .Seeing the big picture does not mean someone has to disappear or being dismissed . Calling for humanity to wake up that inner voice that do humans count .No matter their race , color or language . The Art of killing does not stop at using a real weapon or applying medicine as a weapon against humanity . Even Noble uses of scientific discoveries lead us to our escalation of wars and zones of monopoly . A chain of blood, a chain or suffering. A chain or labeling and we became our own enemy.
These tangible things around , disappear at a click what remains , is the human shadow that keep running after you. Creating this chaotic life .Everyone has a defensive techniques that take us away of the true reality . We are the ones who created suffering ,anxiety and worry at all its different levels around .The higher level you live in the more paranoid , anxious or even building scenarios of misunderstanding that block the sun from the eye. The vision become so cloudy ,disrupted , unstable and control everything your life revolves around .Tiring body, then mentality then the breakdown .The bang around till you hear the sound of Stop for heaven's sake and look at your life . Can't you see where are you going or taking many innocent in your way?
Stop and shake the dust that accumulate itself on your mind and heart .No bright spots around .I refuse to be part of that world . I refuse to walk through these dark scenarios that stole my peace . A troubles mind can't judge upright till it shakes itself to the point that nothing is left over there and ready to accept positive input.
What vision are you going to pass in such cloudy scenes and confused mind-set . Break it down . Your vision is going to pass when your sight is clear . When your mind can rethink again in the right direction . The burden is too heavy . The burden counts on your present choice . The burden is going to get heavier if you don't let it go of all these chaos around you. The hustle life won't build anything solid .It is a shaken ground and no one will stand to stay there for long .Stop thinking of the bad and get held of what is left .Grasp your breath for the road is bumpy and long .Don't turn to be a performer who cares about the lines that is written and no addition on their behalf or unable to modify the text to align with what has to be done.
A new generation of the old won't present any good for humanity , unless we think as humans and stop dealing with each other as unwanted piece of the inheritance we have for so long .
Rethink of your life and is that what you really want. Rethink how your life to be and how to live and let me live .How to be clear about wants and needs . Stop using others as kitchen tools that have expiration date and no longer used. Try to pave the way for rebuilding humans , humans all the same for we are from ashes and to ashes will return .If Iam blind try to open my eyes.If I am wrong correct me.If Iam mislead, redirect me . Hand in hand is not an easy mission for humans to rethink over it again as it needs to remove all prejudice we inherited from the past and present .
Rethink humanity is a long life mission not one stop recipe, it requires alot of work and denying yourself doesn't mean you are allowed to break me apart .
Living in darkness ,leads to darkness . Living in anger and resentment will lead us to more brokenness. It is not good or healthy .Seeing the big picture does not mean someone has to disappear or being dismissed . Calling for humanity to wake up that inner voice that do humans count .No matter their race , color or language . The Art of killing does not stop at using a real weapon or applying medicine as a weapon against humanity . Even Noble uses of scientific discoveries lead us to our escalation of wars and zones of monopoly . A chain of blood, a chain or suffering. A chain or labeling and we became our own enemy.
These tangible things around , disappear at a click what remains , is the human shadow that keep running after you. Creating this chaotic life .Everyone has a defensive techniques that take us away of the true reality . We are the ones who created suffering ,anxiety and worry at all its different levels around .The higher level you live in the more paranoid , anxious or even building scenarios of misunderstanding that block the sun from the eye. The vision become so cloudy ,disrupted , unstable and control everything your life revolves around .Tiring body, then mentality then the breakdown .The bang around till you hear the sound of Stop for heaven's sake and look at your life . Can't you see where are you going or taking many innocent in your way?
Stop and shake the dust that accumulate itself on your mind and heart .No bright spots around .I refuse to be part of that world . I refuse to walk through these dark scenarios that stole my peace . A troubles mind can't judge upright till it shakes itself to the point that nothing is left over there and ready to accept positive input.
What vision are you going to pass in such cloudy scenes and confused mind-set . Break it down . Your vision is going to pass when your sight is clear . When your mind can rethink again in the right direction . The burden is too heavy . The burden counts on your present choice . The burden is going to get heavier if you don't let it go of all these chaos around you. The hustle life won't build anything solid .It is a shaken ground and no one will stand to stay there for long .Stop thinking of the bad and get held of what is left .Grasp your breath for the road is bumpy and long .Don't turn to be a performer who cares about the lines that is written and no addition on their behalf or unable to modify the text to align with what has to be done.
A new generation of the old won't present any good for humanity , unless we think as humans and stop dealing with each other as unwanted piece of the inheritance we have for so long .
Rethink of your life and is that what you really want. Rethink how your life to be and how to live and let me live .How to be clear about wants and needs . Stop using others as kitchen tools that have expiration date and no longer used. Try to pave the way for rebuilding humans , humans all the same for we are from ashes and to ashes will return .If Iam blind try to open my eyes.If I am wrong correct me.If Iam mislead, redirect me . Hand in hand is not an easy mission for humans to rethink over it again as it needs to remove all prejudice we inherited from the past and present .
Rethink humanity is a long life mission not one stop recipe, it requires alot of work and denying yourself doesn't mean you are allowed to break me apart .
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Questioning what is from God and what is not....
Walking with a questioning mind , may allow unwanted and undesirable things . Remembering how naive I was and still that I allowed lots of hurt to come into my life .Year after year I realize that nothing will be so dramatic unless I allowed that to happen .Being angry or upset or frustrated that what the enemy wants from you .He won't launch his attack unless he knows that you are vulnerable to that . with all the set backs ,we sent a message to the wrong to happen when we give the impression that we are ignorant and unaware of the world around .
Despite all the scientific advancement and the technology , there is that dangerous deep darkness , lives within the humans especially those who are willing to corporate with the devil .Many of hard crimes are done by the most vulnerable persons around us . So scary that it is hard to identify the truth . A question aroused to my mind and always came to those who wonder and had no clue why bad things happen to good people ? or why someone you don't know , would become the one who will end your life and why this happens and why always a certain race or color that has the majority of harming others ? Are we living in a jungle or money , power ,authority and fake promises , blinded those who are hungry for getting something that they think it will fulfill their hunger ? No wonder that all this harm and hurt is happening all around ? Wondering , is this the will of God ? and when we give our life to God what this means ? And if the harm will continue to come to us from those we hardly know and why it keeps going even when we trust ?
Choosing to walk my journey with God , allowed me to regret many things that had been done . Listing them may help me not to forget and keep going no matter what. Among these things I remember , I regret not believing in myself since I was 17 years old.I regret surrendering to the abuse and misuse since I was 20 years old. I regret not following God's way since I was 25 years old . I regret not believing there is hope in life and I can be the change that God wants since I was 25 years old . I regret allowing so many in my life who took advantage of me of being vulnerable and naive and allowing myself to be sold several times. I regret not believing my gut when God open the door for me to be free and have the freedom to choose my life not to be abused or misused again. I regret opening the door for the wickedness to eat my soul and shake me till I am no longer know myself . I regret trusting others for all my inner feelings which allowed so many hurt . Putting all this down allows me not to forget to stand for myself and defend that human that once was exist .
witnessing so many scenarios and attacks , made me aware how true life could be tricky and harmful for those who allow those hurts to come into their lives. So the responsibility is mine , not anybody else . There are two parts in our everyday life ,those who don't want conflicts to end and creating it all the time as this is how they choose to run the world around them and here always there is food for the fire to keep going , no matter how good you are , you are going to pass this party and it is only by God's Grace that you may over come . They know each detail about you , even if they don't know they farm someone to get into you to keep this fire going and you become another piece of business that want the best out of it and then it is done . So sad to know how many fall into such net .
Another party that want to throw away anything can hinder their success or getting what they want . They throw away any bond or anything can hinder them . And you will experience that as well . Two mountains of flames, rocks and walls . Obstacles that you have to over come .Life is not what you think anymore and here you come to a point who you are and which party that you are around and if you are a lab rat not a human being or your are being considered an enemy that has to be fought by all psychological fierce strategies that can bring you down .
All that brings you to the same point that you are wondering about which is from God and which is not ? with all this mountain of events and emotions ,you start to question is there areal peaceful life with God ? or life became one piece of unpredictable hard times , humans track humans, humans harm humans , humans live on other humans , humans finish other humans . Is this our way with God? You are unable to know anything for sure anymore, what is being said in your face , is completely different from what is being said behind you . So , no guarantee for anything . Fear surrounded us more than belief, peace , honesty , clarity and truth.
Where are we heading with humanity if we are not true to ourselves. Knowing who we are and what really God created us for and have the willingness to respect that ,to redirect the fire into a breeze to open doors before the desperate and helpless and those who are hungry to see something good in their lives . They lost the way as the fire left no other choice for them , surrounding them with all hindrances they could create within a human being life . Looking for hope even in the grass that covers any area around ,there is life , there is hope ,Not Death , Stop making your life at the expense of another human life and value this creature that was created in His image .
Despite all the scientific advancement and the technology , there is that dangerous deep darkness , lives within the humans especially those who are willing to corporate with the devil .Many of hard crimes are done by the most vulnerable persons around us . So scary that it is hard to identify the truth . A question aroused to my mind and always came to those who wonder and had no clue why bad things happen to good people ? or why someone you don't know , would become the one who will end your life and why this happens and why always a certain race or color that has the majority of harming others ? Are we living in a jungle or money , power ,authority and fake promises , blinded those who are hungry for getting something that they think it will fulfill their hunger ? No wonder that all this harm and hurt is happening all around ? Wondering , is this the will of God ? and when we give our life to God what this means ? And if the harm will continue to come to us from those we hardly know and why it keeps going even when we trust ?
Choosing to walk my journey with God , allowed me to regret many things that had been done . Listing them may help me not to forget and keep going no matter what. Among these things I remember , I regret not believing in myself since I was 17 years old.I regret surrendering to the abuse and misuse since I was 20 years old. I regret not following God's way since I was 25 years old . I regret not believing there is hope in life and I can be the change that God wants since I was 25 years old . I regret allowing so many in my life who took advantage of me of being vulnerable and naive and allowing myself to be sold several times. I regret not believing my gut when God open the door for me to be free and have the freedom to choose my life not to be abused or misused again. I regret opening the door for the wickedness to eat my soul and shake me till I am no longer know myself . I regret trusting others for all my inner feelings which allowed so many hurt . Putting all this down allows me not to forget to stand for myself and defend that human that once was exist .
witnessing so many scenarios and attacks , made me aware how true life could be tricky and harmful for those who allow those hurts to come into their lives. So the responsibility is mine , not anybody else . There are two parts in our everyday life ,those who don't want conflicts to end and creating it all the time as this is how they choose to run the world around them and here always there is food for the fire to keep going , no matter how good you are , you are going to pass this party and it is only by God's Grace that you may over come . They know each detail about you , even if they don't know they farm someone to get into you to keep this fire going and you become another piece of business that want the best out of it and then it is done . So sad to know how many fall into such net .
Another party that want to throw away anything can hinder their success or getting what they want . They throw away any bond or anything can hinder them . And you will experience that as well . Two mountains of flames, rocks and walls . Obstacles that you have to over come .Life is not what you think anymore and here you come to a point who you are and which party that you are around and if you are a lab rat not a human being or your are being considered an enemy that has to be fought by all psychological fierce strategies that can bring you down .
All that brings you to the same point that you are wondering about which is from God and which is not ? with all this mountain of events and emotions ,you start to question is there areal peaceful life with God ? or life became one piece of unpredictable hard times , humans track humans, humans harm humans , humans live on other humans , humans finish other humans . Is this our way with God? You are unable to know anything for sure anymore, what is being said in your face , is completely different from what is being said behind you . So , no guarantee for anything . Fear surrounded us more than belief, peace , honesty , clarity and truth.
Where are we heading with humanity if we are not true to ourselves. Knowing who we are and what really God created us for and have the willingness to respect that ,to redirect the fire into a breeze to open doors before the desperate and helpless and those who are hungry to see something good in their lives . They lost the way as the fire left no other choice for them , surrounding them with all hindrances they could create within a human being life . Looking for hope even in the grass that covers any area around ,there is life , there is hope ,Not Death , Stop making your life at the expense of another human life and value this creature that was created in His image .
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Finding Beauty in The Scars : Sometimes I Can Accept it .Not handling It
Finding Beauty in The Scars : Sometimes I Can Accept it .Not handling It: Life has been changed alot ,from being so primitive ,simple and small to the world wide windows all over the globe . We became mingled and ...
Sometimes I Can Accept it .Not handling It
Life has been changed alot ,from being so primitive ,simple and small to the world wide windows all over the globe . We became mingled and it is hard to go back to the one line of patterns that make the difference between one community and another, one generation and another one nation and another .We turned to be the product of many cultures and nations dealt with one another at certain time of life and here came the out come . We may differ in how we look, wear or talk and what never changed is our emotions and feelings towards each other culturally and religiously.
Interaction now is a global phenomenon . No clear boundaries or concepts that determine what exactly the way of life has to be .by other means , human manuals that is changing each moment of life .We declare something and in real everyday life is something totally different .I call it " Each Day Tailored Manual" The manual that its guidelines are written by the moment . Another explanation for it , act up on the situation , means nothing is being considered unbreakable standard .
Creating a system within a system. Creating an institution within an institution . call it leadership or common sense whatever it is , it takes us into many wild adventures within our everyday life ,that sometimes makes you willing not to put any pre- planning or being structured a certain way . No, it is the free hand written outlines. Act up on what is happening in the moment not prior logic. Logic doesn't work for such floating hours in the day .or call it acting according to the common sense.
Sometimes what do you think is a common sense brings lots of hard situations into your day . Allowing you to feel as if you are swimming in the ocean with no precautions or preparation .It is telling you deal with it , if you can with a big hidden smile telling you , hello there , are you awake ????? Taken by surprise or even being put under pressure is a common situation or being brought to it .
Either ways it depends on how much you can tke in and your brain can process .Many messages pass through your mind at that particular situation and may bring you back to past experiences that can trigger certain emotions with it . Processing these emotions can bring more hard situations into your day especially if others don't understand you so well or at the bottom line don't like you around or even that is the way it is ,you are not accepted so how you are going to deal with it .That what counts if you are going to accept these emotions and deal with the situation in an objective way . knowing your responsibly of it or you are going to deal with it and that depends on your reception to the emotions that follows . Are you going to make them affect you and block your understanding and having a quick response or are you going to immerse yourself in the same dark hole that you allow it in ?
The choice at first will look far away from reach and with no experience how to handle it . You will struggle till you reach your end that negative reaction not only affects you but it affects how you see others and the whole world around you as well . Forgetting no matter from where we are from , we are human and emotions control each aspect in our lives in almost everything we see in life . Being judgmental can ruin many beautiful things around . Being sarcastic doesn't make the true reflection on the situation and the right action has to be done .Being a judge for everyone around is not a fun thing .
To be yourself needs lots of courage that you are willing to choose either you accept whatever you can't change or choosing to handle it with all its sides negative and positive , bearing in mind that everything comes at a cost .
Interaction now is a global phenomenon . No clear boundaries or concepts that determine what exactly the way of life has to be .by other means , human manuals that is changing each moment of life .We declare something and in real everyday life is something totally different .I call it " Each Day Tailored Manual" The manual that its guidelines are written by the moment . Another explanation for it , act up on the situation , means nothing is being considered unbreakable standard .
Creating a system within a system. Creating an institution within an institution . call it leadership or common sense whatever it is , it takes us into many wild adventures within our everyday life ,that sometimes makes you willing not to put any pre- planning or being structured a certain way . No, it is the free hand written outlines. Act up on what is happening in the moment not prior logic. Logic doesn't work for such floating hours in the day .or call it acting according to the common sense.
Sometimes what do you think is a common sense brings lots of hard situations into your day . Allowing you to feel as if you are swimming in the ocean with no precautions or preparation .It is telling you deal with it , if you can with a big hidden smile telling you , hello there , are you awake ????? Taken by surprise or even being put under pressure is a common situation or being brought to it .
Either ways it depends on how much you can tke in and your brain can process .Many messages pass through your mind at that particular situation and may bring you back to past experiences that can trigger certain emotions with it . Processing these emotions can bring more hard situations into your day especially if others don't understand you so well or at the bottom line don't like you around or even that is the way it is ,you are not accepted so how you are going to deal with it .That what counts if you are going to accept these emotions and deal with the situation in an objective way . knowing your responsibly of it or you are going to deal with it and that depends on your reception to the emotions that follows . Are you going to make them affect you and block your understanding and having a quick response or are you going to immerse yourself in the same dark hole that you allow it in ?
The choice at first will look far away from reach and with no experience how to handle it . You will struggle till you reach your end that negative reaction not only affects you but it affects how you see others and the whole world around you as well . Forgetting no matter from where we are from , we are human and emotions control each aspect in our lives in almost everything we see in life . Being judgmental can ruin many beautiful things around . Being sarcastic doesn't make the true reflection on the situation and the right action has to be done .Being a judge for everyone around is not a fun thing .
To be yourself needs lots of courage that you are willing to choose either you accept whatever you can't change or choosing to handle it with all its sides negative and positive , bearing in mind that everything comes at a cost .
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Reflection On " What is That In Your Hand?" Church Service
One of the most touching services I had experienced at my church" CUMC ". March,13,2016,One of personal addressing message that had been given .It took me to another point to reflect and dive inside of me , searching for answers . A group of questions that help you to understand your purpose and meaning in life .I hurried to come back home , to hold my pen and my journal and started to answer the questions before I lose that moment of inner thinking and mirroring who really Iam or what can I do here till I go home. Again I found myself why not sharing my answers ,maybe someone else can be related to the point Iam encountering and searching for answers as well.So why not writing them down as follow:
1- what are some causes I deeply care about? - the things that get my creative juices flowing :_
1- what are some causes I deeply care about? - the things that get my creative juices flowing :_
- Freedom of faith and choice
- The value of our life, our life is so precious
- Peace
- Community Development that starts with investing in people and everyone counts
- co-existence and its positive side of strengthening a community for its riches in diversity
- Liberal Arts & Digital Media, their role in reshaping and transforming lives
- Education as a tool to be aware of your community needs
- The most important thing is to know where we are? How we get there? and what is needed in order the change could happen for the best of everyone around
- Acceptance and embracing one another w/o prejudice , bias or discrimination
- Redirection of the negative influences into positive ones
So ,this is a very pressing point and here the first thing comes to my mind is injustice , framing , profiling, killing innocents , genocides, inequality , dividing communities , abuse , oppression, rejection , wars and conflicts .There are many issues around the world that break us apart.
3- Things that make me sad , cry or feel indignant :-
Things that trigger my past , many unaware of how much blessed they are, judging me continually , I don't fit , don't meet the standards and no guidance of how to meet the standards , being profiled and yet , I keep on walking in the unknown , no answer of why all this could ever happen . Humans breaking humans while building can bring us back to our true humanity .Since Fall 2014 , my life turned very dramatic that it affected me socially and emotionally. Feeling sad that the story of Christ on the cross didn't end . It keeps happening is so many forms .
4- Issues that I always talk about with my friends:-
- Middle East recent situation
- Peace and socioeconomic status around the world
- Sustainable communities and innovation
- The value of having strong infrastructures in facing fatal crisis
- Community preparedness , support chains, training and readiness to take a further step towards better solutions
- Individualism within the global system
- Development through Education and Innovation
5- what is rising up within me?
Writing , research, analyzing , reaching solutions and conclusions within God's eye of view , how can we change lives through mirroring ourselves.
6- What is awakening in my heart and mind?
Using Multi-Media as a transformational tool toward resetting mind and souls , especially for women and kids who are most vulnerable to be attacked and broken down ---- writing as a path towards understanding and taking action
7- The place of pain in my story that is intersecting with some places of pain in the world :-
Rejection , Indignation , two powerful weapons are used to break me down and that is the question " where is our humanity?"
8- What are my next steps?
That is where Iam right now . Searching for guidance and serious practical steps to be taken , not to fall in the dark hole of rejection and undermining the human inside of me .We are created in His image ,there is a message needs to be told . We human do value we are not slaves any more , we are not judged by our back ground or who we relate to or the wrong or harm they had done to the world ,stop judging an individual as a human race , we are all His creation and we all need to go back to the path that Jesus established for us ,to be one . One mind , one soul , one body .
Finding Beauty in The Scars : His Loving Kindness & Grace
Finding Beauty in The Scars : His Loving Kindness & Grace: Chasing understanding , seeking knowledge , building roads with thorns and Pain . Unaware of the calling that were created for. Or even abl...
His Loving Kindness & Grace
Chasing understanding , seeking knowledge , building roads with thorns and Pain . Unaware of the calling that were created for. Or even able to understand why this breath we were given each single day. The picture has not been clear, yet. Looking back to see how far you have walked, how many mountains you have to climb , how many valleys you have passed by and lived in.Still the road seems so long , wide and unclear .Being thirsty , hungry and even you thought you are done. Looking at each feature you meet or even touch. It is different , in each inch you have walked in and each tunnel you were trapped in. That breath that fainted sometimes and sometimes it can't stop.
Are you chasing life or something else? Are you looking for a meaning or a deeper thing that is pulling you away from the life you have been in . That sound , that voice that you couldn't resist . Are you dreaming or it is real and can be lived? Look at the mirror that creature that once you have known her , is she still alive or she doesn't exist any more? Are you willing to look at her again or you totally forget who she is ?
A sandy road , long fences , holding many books , trying to keep them so close to you . Looking for a way out that dry road .Taking breath , no drop of water seemed around . Light goes ,darkness comes .And you are running , fears are filling your heart . No livings around ,even the skies are so dark . Are there any creatures around? Your voice is unheard . Your vision is unseen .walking the way all way long , looking for hope .
This unknown that is pulling you from anything around .You can't see anything else . Only it is you who can do that , it is written before you , your eyes is reading it every where you go . You can't see faces or any other detail around . You are somewhere else in this world . Looking for signs ,pieces around to grasp the meaning for it . It is there .It is written and all the time you are looking for it to understand and live it .
Refusing any type of anything else does not align with what you read and looking for .You have seen it before . You have experienced it before . You are already done with it . What brings hurt became so clear to you so, you don't need it anymore. Cry out , calling upon Him to save . For you know how much He cares . He created you .He made you the way you are .He shaped you the way he desired you to be .He is your loving father who is waiting for you to know His loving Kindness away from all the hurt you have been in . He wants you to experience His loving kind way of grace .
Is that what pulling you out of any kind of life around ? The world sees the outside .They measure the flesh not the spirit .If you don't fit , here comes the hurt . If you don't obey , punishment, trials and so many hard things will turn to be your everyday life .The world gets you confused , troubled , unsettled and never see hope or a way out . This is not from Him who loved us so much that he gave His only begotten son Jesus Christ as a better sacrifice , paying my debt , carrying my burden , giving me life by giving his life on the cross .
He called me even before i was born. He carries me even in the wilderness .He is my father , companion , refuge and my God .The longing for understanding who He is and he is teaching me through His loving Kindness who He is . Showing me love not fears, welcoming me not rejecting me as Iam His .Iam His creation .Iam His child and to who I belong . I carried my life at the cross , where every end is a start .A start for a new life ,a new beginning in Him . he gives me my breath because he wants me to live , to witness His loving kindness and learn who He really is . I can't describe my relationship with Him in a million word. He is more than that . He is the food for my soul and my daily bread ,Have you ever thought of Him ? Our Mighty King and LORD of lords?
Opening the gate of hope for me , to restore my strength , my life and live my everyday life through Him .Experiencing His loving Kindness that surrounds me since even I was born .He made everything already and wants me to understand that . Thank you Jesus for all what you have done .
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Opening My Eyes Hear His Whispers
"Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall according to the same example of disobedience.For the word of God is living and powerful,and sharper than any tow-edged sword,piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart .And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account ." Hebrew 4:11-13
The journey of faith is not that clear one-road trip , you plan for or organize each single detail of it . Knowing why? when? where? how? and what ? It is not that journey that you dream about since your childhood and seizing the time and saving to make it come true. It is not that thing that has the manual that will guide you through each step . Many thoughts come around the word of faith. Many stories you read about in the word of God since the story of creation till the first coming of Christ . The stories of his disciples and many details are unseen.
The main thing that form that unexplained fine lines in each story , is that such type of struggles and sufferings . When man chose to use their own thinking and power to create the solutions or the type of life , they thought it would be the way . it is that fearful picture about God's wrath from human choices and impatience and not waiting on God's word to be revealed to them of what to do next . It is the spot of unsettlement and unrest of what they had to do next .It is our nature as human beings who inherited the first sin . Since then our strive got us astray in so many ways that we couldn't even comprehend or be able to settle or listen or even make sense . All we did , was to keep on beating that world till the last drop of fearful impacts of not doing anything. Something had to be done. Chaos , fears, change happened in a very authoritative ways . Unable to stop ,shedding blood had to come as a price for what had to be done .
The journey of faith is not that clear one-road trip , you plan for or organize each single detail of it . Knowing why? when? where? how? and what ? It is not that journey that you dream about since your childhood and seizing the time and saving to make it come true. It is not that thing that has the manual that will guide you through each step . Many thoughts come around the word of faith. Many stories you read about in the word of God since the story of creation till the first coming of Christ . The stories of his disciples and many details are unseen.
The main thing that form that unexplained fine lines in each story , is that such type of struggles and sufferings . When man chose to use their own thinking and power to create the solutions or the type of life , they thought it would be the way . it is that fearful picture about God's wrath from human choices and impatience and not waiting on God's word to be revealed to them of what to do next . It is the spot of unsettlement and unrest of what they had to do next .It is our nature as human beings who inherited the first sin . Since then our strive got us astray in so many ways that we couldn't even comprehend or be able to settle or listen or even make sense . All we did , was to keep on beating that world till the last drop of fearful impacts of not doing anything. Something had to be done. Chaos , fears, change happened in a very authoritative ways . Unable to stop ,shedding blood had to come as a price for what had to be done .
Creating that tormented human beings ,even with victorious pain was the outcome .Kingdom fainted ,Kingdoms rose. Kings had been killed ,Kings had been rose. Lands were dessert ed , lands were conquered and humans were and still the masters of such dramatic change .Leaving no peace, no settlement and famine in our mind ,soul and body .Tired and even couldn't stop . The game of survival and controlling over one another .
We humans are the master piece of the game of war and peace. With all our heritage of blood shedding, plotting ,fears of one another and the ever ending show of demonstrating power in making the most advanced weapons, tactics,strategies , and those who are ready to take part. It is an unending battle of draining the human souls .It is that battle we created and we can't stop . It is that battle where you don't know who is friend or not . Losing our identity within the world .Unable to identify ourselves any more as we became a tool with a choice or no choice ,you have been selected either to be in or nor .And when it is not ,this is your end . We lost that peace that was given for us for free one day . We can't break away from the world that we created as it is everywhere you go and in each day you live in .
Noise became the normal ,distractions are so plenty .Disturbing human mentalities became a job , a career that a person can live. A siege of human spirits and masks are the shield that hardly to be revealed . Who is he of her, you don't even know. Questioning can lead you to your own instruction. So , what is next for humans to live? The image has been disrupted by so many who are ready to inter the game and do whatever is being told. The concept of being born with free will to choose , to live ,to do what is right , becomes the question mark that we many inter in . The burden we created for ourselves and other , is too much to carry or solve .It has to continue ,so the life cycle we created , has to keep moving ,no matter or is in or out .Everything has to keep moving ,even it is not right or make sense. We became under the socioeconomic anesthesia , if we are not numbed then we will start to think and reasoning many lead you to see what is not meant for you to see and here comes your end .
The Journey of faith turns to be the mysterious walk that is over your power or strength. Things you can not control or comprehend . A journey that invites you to come back to the source and to understand the origin of yourself . Your true self .Your are created in His image. Not to be tormented, abused, misused or distracted from what you are meant to be. The journey of faith makes you realize the beauty that God has created within .Taking out that monster that is trying to destruct such beauty that once was created within. Declaring His presence in your life and ever since . You pray , cry out diligently for His deliverance and opening your eyes to see the truth . To hear His voice and unite with His in a magnificent partnership that will never end . opening a conversation to see you through . Being so open to receive His teachings to you. It is the journey of pain with perseverance , knowing that he is with you . Acknowledging Him in each way you take , each pain you bear and carrying your cross till the far end.
Friday, April 1, 2016
Living The Glamour of The Past in The Shadows Of Grief
So , No one choose when he/she will be born , parents, family . It is all come with a package in person's life and destiny . So, there are things that you cannot choose . Growing up, you come to learn and know what kind of life ,you have been brought to . You were born to follow with no questions . You were born to be a number . You were born to carry the shame and guilt of being a girl , a woman and such minor creature that has to be grateful for carrying the name and the heritage of her family and ancestors . So, choice is not an option , yet ,to think about.
It's not your crime to be born with a golden spoon in your mouth , as you don't know what is behind the curtains of gold and fame. It is not happening is each pattern of life like it happened with you .It is you . Your story and your unique lines of choices to be or not to be . who put this battle in you . You don't understand it is the rebellion and anger that grow up within your mind and soul . It is a whole different world behind.
It is not your choice to be raped , molested by your flesh.It is not your choice to be beaten , to be forced to get married as you are crazy to say " No" . I want to be educated and have the right to choose . You have no choice to say" NO" .I don't want that , I don't like that, or trust me as you trust a boy and a man.
So, your fight is not for money , wealth or possessions .As the more you say" NO" ,something is taken out of you.It's the fight for your identity worth and value and respect for that sacred creature that's created by Him our Mighty God. Being rebellious , fighter , like a fire burning everything around due to her anger and bitterness,why me? and why all this is happening ?
It's not your choice to be tortured as you seek your value and respect,to be treated with honesty and love............. love??? what is love????? That brought me back to my first read in the scripture while I was a teen " God is love" .So,the years had gone ,everything was left behind to find the ONE and ONLY TRUE GOD.The journey of exploring and wondering and wandering in the wilderness to start my EXODUS journey.
So,9/11 had happened and another journey started .The journey of belief and searching and finding Him in each place I go and each person I meet and each word I read.After trauma , came the struggle with my panic attack ,fears all over the way .....OH! Jesus,being crushed, smashed , thrown under the bus and wondering what is going on. OH! Jesus . thank you for showing me many parts of the world . Carrying my fears and scars to witness your presence even in the middle of the storms. walking along way . Trying to take my breath and walk even I don't feel life around me . Numbed emotionally. Taking the decision to walk till the end of the road .
Trails never end. Your mercy always surrounds me. Manipulation , broken promises and a burden that doesn't want to go away . Being open and trusty , exposed me to be torn apart .To break me into pieces.
shaken ground, uncertainty and like my isolation more than before .Questioning where peace and truth truly exist? past memories trigger themselves. Bringing me to the spot that I don't like to see my self in . The dark hole of desperate , hopless case . My body starts to attack itself once again .Walking , not knowing where my steps will take me . Unable to see what is true and what is not . Going in circles , swimming in the deep ocean of grief and questioning is there a solution or a way I have to take .The hurt comes from those who you think are the closest to you . The pain comes from the trails that surrounds you like fire works , bursting into your weak body and face . Can't breathe, Unable to have a simple normal life . Being judged in the flesh over and over .
Pressing hard on your wounds , never stop their bleeding and no mercy around . Thorns poke your fragile skin . As He paid the price on the cross , shedding His precious blood for me that's where we are united . In pain and suffering , you see Him stretching His hands around you and you can not ask for more .The loving kind father knows what you are going through . He knows what you need and when He can answer your prayers . Setting you from all the bondages that chained you for so many year . With peace and hope , you are calling for Him to save .
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