Separation And Connectedness

 

As a freethinker, I take my time observing, analyzing, taking the fragmented details, and trying to make sense of the conclusion out of it. My mind is 24/7 operational thinking through the depth of existence. Unfortunately, I didn't have the chance to have this connection, harmonious structure to human life.  I opened my eye to separation among everything and everyone, a structure that was more focused on building the outside not the inside since the inside was supposed to be well established, and then the role was to extend to the community and be the figure that is known for their widespread influence within the community, a community where power is the main player. Taking pride in all the external world, everything many long to have and it was already there passing from one generation to another generation, building on the fame and the reputation of Society supporters and protectors. This status many women in the west long to be part in as long as everything is paved and well established, deep inside each woman is looking for this piece of a dynasty. No matter what you hear freedom, love, dreams all these only words the deep wish for each woman I met with is to have this healthy, wealthy well-established man to save her from the brutality of the outside world. Women normally love to see other women suffering if she is suffering, so why you can be free and I am not, and here the hard scenarios take place, you don't know who is who and what is what. and If you are having authentic, truthful, transparent, honest relationships or it is a piece of another game into life. 

Women's world is the hardest world to deal with since truth is lost in between. There is inner deep different truth from the one is seen. And the world goes round this if there is no solid foundation of what life means to you, have the solid foundation of authentic relationships. If your foundation is shakey this is going to be the gate for any perpetrator to sneak through and use this to their advantage. Unfortunately, authentic, transparent relationships don't exist. They are spoiled by the inner deep hidden motives in each soul. There is true separation in human relationships even there is this pretended that there is not. Due to the toughness of the world we live in, authentic, transparent relationships are gone.  There is no such thing. Women if they don't have this solid social-emotional foundation, will be vulnerable to be taken advantage of, being deceived by sweet voices, fake smiles and fake friendships, let's say frenemy to make sure that this person never feels well, move forward, be happy, independent and live and let live. The projection of unresolved trauma that many afraid to face and deal with, instead they choose to dump this on whoever see is vulnerable and their foundation is shaky, hidden revenge of circumstances that they had been in before. So relationships become toxic, dramatic, and destructive, and the cycle goes on projecting their anger, resentment, bitterness, upon others whoever is fitting within their target load they seek to dump on somebody. So whether family relationships or work relationships are toxic and dramatic, separation is the power in play. Separate to reign as long as the separation seeds are planted the structure will never be the same, conflict is the food and energy of the day, manipulating the emotional side of the human being which is controlled by the limbic system and all toxins that become a byproduct of the formation. People run on body toxins and a high level of conflict and drama, cold war to a very complex hidden structure for power to reign, which results out of deep fear of being missed out, unable to reach what is desired. Still, as a free thinker, I witness this pattern of separation in life patterns I come across. 

The emotional side of the brain leads women to react to everything around them and be controlled by it which results in a high volume of conflict, drama, and power struggle, women use their emotions to get what they want which may look like manipulation, deceit, betrayal, revenge, plotting against one another, so people become like a chess piece to check out one by one till the game gets its results. That a very deep destructive social structure which will impact life on every level economical,  health, lifestyle, your path, and the way you see the world. Where trust is rare to find. There is no doubt due to the high competition in the world for people to survive, make ends meet, live day by day, for some they want it all no matter how they can get it, and here vulnerability is target to be used. So scary and unstable as the more you witness the separation gap is getting wider and wider, you become more and more disconnected, it is depleting, energy-consuming and lose the battle, getting the person who buys into it nowhere but destruction to their own life. We come to a point that witnessing the destruction of a person is a source of joy and the false sense of gaining victory in such prideful life.  The beast within the human soul is being fed well and nothing will be satisfactory to them, unfortunately, this brings the true soul to fade and lose hope to reconnect, So, if you realize this scenario is playing into your life, stop and connect with yourself, it is worth trying, just do it. By: Me"The Old Ancient Woman" 

Reflection of A Mind

 

With a deep sigh and wonder at this time of the year and what is more important and unique, as we are in the middle of COVID- 19-2020 a historical paradigm to reveal the inner soul of human beings, what we stand for, who is around us, and how our survival mechanism tells more about human beings, a different story from what it has been told before and what it has already been experiencing. At this time of the year, the holiday season, it is a different year for the rest of the world, yet it is not different for me, for years I have been alienated from real life, true connection, deep conversations, or being normal as before. This year it adds up to the number of years I am on this journey of self-discovery. No more caring how I am being perceived by the world from me, as it won't change, what changed is you, where you are at on personal and spiritual level, how far you ar understanding of the whys, and more open to the opportunities that help you grow. 

Yet, the holiday season this year has more of maturity feelings that you hold no expectations from the world around you. Normally, our codependency on the world to make you happy, to understand you, and be helpful is the easy way to drag your life down, the short cut for frustration, disappointment, pain, anger and so many other consequences that reflect itself on individuals being blamers, complainers, drainers and depleting, and the shamer, as you notice life becomes a nightmare lived, which reflect itself on our mental and physical health, taking a toll on your life, a dead life, no healthy seeds there. Not waiting on somebody or something to make you happy and make your life move, as on doing this, that what breaks the human body and soul. The mind becomes occupied by thousands and thousands of negative thinking that leads to negative decisions, actions, and consequences. You can not control the world, all you can control is you and your perspective on life. What do you want, how you see your life within this moment not tomorrow, or next year. Each moment count in this life, your moment is the breath that you take in and let out.  

As humans are formed by the culture around us, the family is the culture, work is the culture, friends, acquaintances, community, Education and the circle goes wider and wider and if the human doesn't have a strong foundation of self-awareness and self-care, they will get swept in the swirl of unmet expectations that cause more harm than benefit. The loss of self, identity, and the deep downright breakdown of the human soul and your life integrity. The expectations of, if I have this---- this will happen, if This happens---- I will...... neglecting that millions around you fell in the same vein vicious cycle the awaiting on materialistic tangible evidence to validate you as a human being, being controlled by expectations takes humanity to more problems than solutions, undeclared expectations or mind-reading are the deep roots of falling down, not moving forward, creating within a bombshell of anger that declares itself in many ways, implicit bias, racial equality, economical imbalance, crises, challenges, storms of sudden denial to human integrity. Human behavior between two brinks of disaster, lack of transparency, disorganization, fear, stress, abuse of rights and powers, the foundation becomes rotten, so we are faced by a concierge structure leaving human soul depleted, till it disappears. The sick structure is present within the elements that feed the sickness to get worse, is a reality lacks the courage to be confronted or faced, looking at the deep root of intentions and expectations that lead to the current state. It's a journey no one desires or wishes to walk. Though it happens, and when it happens all we want to do is to cover it and pretend everything is ok. And here the fall turns to be faster than you think,   and it becomes impossible to control what is happening. And that is the human cycle for centuries and thousands of years, we humans who cause the harm and we are the ones who have to see it clear, take the courage and responsibility to turn this around. Till you have this courage to face your mistakes and take responsibility for them, you won't be able to get rid of the anger, blame, drain, deplete, shame or judge anyone around you, the toxic bombshell gets bigger and bigger till it becomes the norm. And this is a hard spot to be in. Acknowledging what you truly want, will lift the weight upon your shoulder that suppresses anyone else. This time of the holiday season, occupy my heart, mind, and soul to write, to keep on writing all that comes to my mind and gives me a piece of understanding and growth. Being informed about the reality of your world, gives you a window toward what is the next step you hope to take or change you want to see in you, I say it once again, it is not about the world expectations from you, it is who you truly are and what makes you feel you, forget about any other any expectations outside of you, and reconnect with your mind- body and soul, appreciate you, and value you, honor you, invite God's kingdom to reside within you, rediscover yourself as it is a journey worth walking, welcome you to your reality and life, get to know you as you are missing each other a lot and stop giving each other hard time, separate from one another and relying on the outside expectations, you deserve it so you can be the best of you and your contribution to the world do count, so thanks 2020 for all the lessons you introduce us to... By: Me"The Old Ancient Woman"

A dive Into The Inner Soul Of A- Human

Our soul is created to dive deep into the endless world of wonders, joy, and imagination that takes us into a realm of transformation. You become aware of your true presence in this world. It is a moment that takes you to another level of living. A living within your higher consciousness, understanding the beauty that we are meant for, and the more you are faced with the world restless conflict of unrestful soul. A soul that is trapped within the physical structure of the body is controlled by perception, sensations, feelings, thoughts, experiences, and many other elements within life around. 

Understanding the human Psyche is a journey worth all the essence of everything: meaning, purpose, and function. Our reptilian brain never meant to push us forward, it is meant to make you survive, protect you, and reshaping your experiences in a way that can take you to the wrong perception of anything you come to interact with. Adopting fight, flight, freeze, faint, or fawn as a survival mechanism, giving importance to feelings, sensations, thoughts, and emotions, that allow impulses to override logical reasoning based on facts, observation, repetition, and patterns to study and take out the lessons from them. The analytical part of the brain helps you to weigh all the pros and cons to make informed decisions, yet our world isn't easy as it sounds in this equation of understanding and how to reach an ultimate understanding. Your function as human thinking is interrupted by other factors as we may witness the world is open to multi tongues, cultures, socioeconomic, hierarchy of unseen order. 

The human soul gets disrupted with the complexity of community structures, who you are may determine your life and how you may be perceived, stories go along with the human psyche to resonate or satisfy a need good or bad, hard or easy, accepted or unaccepted, true of composed, the human nature goes beyond all the natural design of the universe, and that what makes the journey so unique to reach the essence of our presence if we want to. Expectations brought and still bring powerful structures down, due to the inability to meet the expectations. The expectations that are shaped as a tool to restrain those who are predicted they can't and they won't, part of the complex weave of life, shaped by emotions, feelings, sensations, and thoughts that hinder the human capacity to fully exist. 

Releasing this captivity that is pushed on the human soul, requires higher thinking not the impulsive reptilian brain and that requires effort, determination, and being aware of your value, and why you meant to be here on earth. The world will keep shaking your ground, breaking you down, and ONLY the ONE who called you to be here on earth is aware of the battle that you meant to go through, knowing that you are meant to be in His will and it will be, believe and you will receive, with an open mind, heart, and soul breathe God's presence with you. By: ME" The Old Ancient Woman."

The Message In- Between

 

If we are aware that there is a sum of 45,000 negative thought are happening on daily basis in our minds, imagine how much power we give toward them, regardless of how many are being added from the whispers of others, forgetting that this is the norm of our survival mode patterns to keep us safe. Despite the survival mechanism is stated to activate the sympathetic nervous system that engages the body of fight, flight, freeze, faint or fawn which reflect itself on how we see the world around us, our interactions with one another and the vicious cycle goes on and on...

If we could see this image of more toxic thoughts are being poured into our ears, which triggers emotions/ feelings, the consequence the body language change, tone of voice, and facial expression, and that is how the body builds these defense mechanisms to protect itself. Imagine your experiences in life are not easy ones, through this history there is a neurochemical change happened, impacting gradually your physical state, putting the person under the cycle of toxic stress. Leading the person to illnesses and dis-ease. By looking at this simple image we can try to figure out how much our thoughts can affect our health badly, leaving us in pain. Seeking a pain-free state through distractions, no matter what the distractions could be, the person is controlled by the reactive body, the defensive nervous system, the stressed gut that make the perfect storm to mess your entire system and your immune system become compromised which leads to a higher level of inflammation and chronic illness, anxiety, depression, losing hope in having a normal life. 

if we understand the power of thought on overall health, if we value our presence as humans on this earth, if we honor this holy temple that is our body, we have to start understanding why you give power to all this negative thought to rule over your mind, body, health and as a result of the reality, you may have as an outcome of this empowering to negative thinking. Negative thinking is the norm, surrendering to it is not the norm. So, you have to ask yourself are you equipping yourself to assess whether the situation you are in is a treat or not, or is my brain is trying to protect me by activating all the threat signals? Do I understand what is the baseline of the person and what is off the baseline? the frequencies, the triggers, the antecedent, the modulators or mediators? keeping an observant eye and retraining your brain on identifying the difference is the message in between. The moment between true alarm and the false alarm is the incremental change in behavior between the baseline and the antecedent. 

In order to bring yourself to this state of self-awareness, the other, the environment, triggers, and the outcomes, you may start to recognize that not all events are forming a threat, so calming your tiger is your own responsibility, not others. It requires lots of work to be done, few are dedicated to putting the effort, the time, and the attention to bring their body to homeostasis rest/digest/detox, and heal. The work is not easy, still, it can be done, it takes time, it requires commitment and faith that all things work for good for those who love Him. His word never fails. You may go through detours, failures, lots of unanswered questions, confusion, ambiguity and you wonder what is the message in this? You try to be the investigator to find out the truth of all of this, yet, you go in circles and the pattern is repeated itself over and over... Will it is a waste, or just give up and change direction or keep on searching and who knows you may come to a whole new understanding of the journey you are on? Breaking fears doubts and unknowing may seem scary and still, the journey goes on... By: ME" the old ancient woman" 

Compliance- based- Fear

 

The point of being crushed 

Everything on this earth has an expiration date and time, and all are unique moments that force the change to happen. When you get a device it has all the data you want to know about its functionality and compatibility so you come to understand how it will serve its purpose in your life. Some are careless users, others are cautious users while others are curious want to explore the world with what they have. No matter which category you fall into still all of us are consumers. A long time ago the economy forced people to change their culture, communication,  behaviors, as well as relationships. How far as a consumer allow technology to change your beliefs, behaviors, perspective about the world around you. It turns out that many put their trust in what they use or consume, so the standard of measurement is about what you use and if this will allow the other judge differently. Items based mindset which ignore the whole person within, the human in front of you. Leaning on such judgment brings stress, tension, and pretense. So, authenticity is something far fetched.... taking away the true meaning of connection and relationship. Deviate minds toward paranoia and unrest. A great wall shielding the tectonic layers underneath.  

It is a difficult perspective to live around, allow the human body to build tension, unrest, ambiguity, and endless encounters of dis-ease. Since the outside world is in control of the person's life. So, we experience this state of wondering without voicing, the word "why" may cross your mind hundreds of times through the day, without a definite answer. Textbooks make things look fantastic, you love what you read and for sure the textbooks are built on facts and theoretical hypothesis, here it is completely different when you take the knowledge and decide to live by them. At this point, you are getting yourself into a huge challenge, a challenge that will consume each bit of knowledge you have and leave you depleted and drained. A naive decision brings nothing but trials. Since you are blind with a narrow mind of understanding, you don't have the complete picture. You don't have the self-environment awareness, the self- culture environment, the self- interaction, the self- diversity, the self-inclusion/exclusion, the self- social-economic, the self- gender/age/ ethnicity and the list goes on since human architecture is so complex. The vibrations of human energy change any dynamic you find yourself around since humans are moving within the complexity built through life. 

As consumers, we learned that I am not enough or complete. I am not enough, we have to identify ourselves either with things or who we are in relation to, who we are surrounded with all with the mindset to comply with the economic parameters that are mentioned above.  So, I"I" is hidden, being covered by the outside world till you no longer dare to identify yourself with "I" as the mindset, sat your mind that is selfish and not kind, so "I" is ruled by fear and I have to comply to be accepted, confirmed, false belonging, and do as everybody is doing, why you want to be different?  many dreams die, many wishes die, many steps may make the world a different place to live in are buried due to compliance-based- fear, suppressing yourself by yourself since the outside control is stronger, greater than the " I" no wonder that %92 of our dreams go with us into grave. The pool of stumbling, plotting, sabotaging, and other fearful endings for human life. Power at work, so who you are to be? 

The falsification of beliefs. So the human mind goes into the swirl of confusion, uncertainty once again fear, how can I be safe, how can I be me? How can I trust it? How can I live and let live? So this inner tornado is building within, waiting for the moment to blow everything around and this is a state of unhealthy mindset, imagine each individual around is walking by their tornados, clashing in a different level with those who around them, building tension, stress, toxic environment since fear is controlling them now, the fear of not being able, accepting, achieving, climbing the ladder, have this and this, like so and so. The cultural norm in play and the "I" is sinking, invisible. Living by out of our standards. The tension surface is building a tearing community, in order to breakthrough I have to crush somebody. You witness generational hatred, abuse, betrayal, cheating, lying, snatching others' rights, or even denying others rights in compliance with the cultural norm to a false state of belonging. Till we deny ourselves, create a state of injustice to ourselves by compliance. A human is born with a pure mind-body-soul till they become part of the generational culture norm,  here, we have to make a choice at a point of on purpose denying the "I" while generationally this false belief is being passed from generation to the other it built up the biases that a person hard to live without. Hard things keep happening, crushing the humans just as the crushing device, no use to it, and hard to function properly or help the person to manage their day. At this unhealthy dynamic of life, when we see a crushed device we feel sad, while when we see a crushed person we laugh. And that is the point when you realize how far the outside world control humans than themselves. It is a tough life. By: ME" The old ancient woman" 

Women Modernized Cages

 

Culturally we tend to look at how women are practicing their freedoms around the world in a religiously political way to serve the continuation of paradox within a community, society, or a group. Many use it as a sort of collecting intelligence to approach someone, control or use. Historically if you want to break a nation, target women, if you want to change the culture, target women, if you want to build a nation target women since they are the caregivers of all children, males, and the elderly. So, never underestimate the role of women in any spot in this world we live in. Using the information or knowledge you succeeded to collect direct and indirect can be a double-edged sword. Don't expect that everyone is approaching you is for your good. There is a hidden paradigm behind the scene and few can identify that they are already in this paradigm either they are willing to or not. It is a very complex paradigm and controlled by laws. 

If we think that there is absolute freedom for women, we have to rethink, for sorry, that is not true. In modern complex socioeconomic structure, women fall into hundred of categories, so socioeconomically women are sliced, no matter your wished or dreams, they are controlled by the game rules or the inner agreement within closed or classified groups, so your wishes and dreams collide with what is already established in place. When you consider a certain culture is more for freedom than the other, you have to ask yourself what kind of freedom are you seeking, physical, social, economical, political, religious, or mental freedom. What do you mean by freedom from the first place as what is earlier was established by the founding fathers, no more fit the modern paradigm when you realize that all your earlier understanding is already compromised.

Since the times of cold war, Man understood fully the power of the mind, hence the reshaping of minds became a must, and if you couldn't reshape the mind, control it, and if you couldn't control it, wipe it out by all sorts of tools can be used, foods, social structure, economic structure, religious or political even environmental, which takes life to a wider uncontrolled sphere of complex dimensions that go beyond the man capacities to face or solve. 

No doubt that this complexity leads to more complex issues to deal with on personal and group level, they affect how humans relate to one another, communicate, live around one another. Again you have to bear in mind that not everyone you come to communicate with you desires the good for you, that is rare nowadays, words became a sharp tool to manipulate man's mind. I mean mostly here women, especially those who are vulnerable and don't belong to specific groups, mostly free thinkers, global thinkers, or thought leaders so they are perceived differently from the community or communities they happen to be found in. They are excluded, outsiders, outlined, and being controlled by stories around them. So history is falsifying the paradigm. 

While man is free to choose, decide, act, believe, do, relate to the world they are in, women are judged, condemned, overlooked, trapped in their past, imprisoned mentally, stressed, even by fellow women who has to agree with the group laws or they will be excluded as well and that is so expensive. I am not against men. I am calling for sense of equality and justice for honoring human life no matter what, keeping the integrity of this sacred breath that is gifted to everyone on earth. I am calling for a collective honorary way of life of respect and dignity. Which has to be obtained through a high price a woman can pay. It is devaluing of the human being to carry burdens they don't want to carry them. It is a choice it is the freedom to decide what kind of life you desire for yourself, not what the common wants from you or others' expectations from you. It is our call to action to get out of the modernized cages designed by anti mind individuals. Your story is your story whether you want to keep it or change it. This is taking personal responsibility for your life, when we ignore the essence of the human value here you have to question "Are you in the right community, society, or group of humans or not?" if not you have to decide who you are and how to build that honoring God in each step you take, know your whys and hows, what brings joy to you in the midst of struggle or pain and have peace, God is walking with you and He sees you for who you are. BY: ME"The old ancient woman" 

Searching For Words........

 

Smiling in the middle of the pain 

When I reconsider the past, the only thing that remained to wonder about is my smile that doesn't go away despite all the mountains I had and still have to climb. When you search for a meaning for it, it is God's grace within me. I didn't create it, he blessed me with. So I am so grateful for that. Maybe that's why no one pays attention to my scars or the journey behind. I look normal, I live normal and keep on climbing more mountains. What struck me is that even we live in the peak of technology, Media, industry, still human behavior is a cycle that keeps repeating itself, and unfortunately, we are taken in the loop of enormous distractions. We put too much effort into polishing the outside environment and ignoring polishing, cleansing the human soul which is the start point of any healthy habit here on earth. We got too busy and dazzled by the tangible and diminishing the intangible. So the measurement standards are based on what is seen by the naked eye. Since no one put an effort to pay attention to the inner meaning of their existence. 

Yes, we have to work hard to be able to take responsibility for what is due as our share living citizens, pay your bills, provide for yourself or your family, build a decent life if you can, taking care of emergencies that may come your way, no one is excluded from that. It is a serious and responsible life. So you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others. While the majority of their life is supposed to be this way, they are busy taking care of their daily duties, some even forget about sitting down and taking a deep breath to feel their existence. The modern life wheels, leave no option other than work hard for your day.  The demand is already put. While you are busy doing what is called life, there are weeds growing around you, forgive me, I am trying to search for other words, and here the word weeds keep showing up. I am sure there is a reason for this. 

An envy eye, jealousy eye, insecure eye, malicious eye, believe it or not, everything starts with the eye, when the heart is occupied by bitterness and sadness of what is going wrong or why them not me? Or I can't do this so I will not let you do it by any means I will ruin what you are trying to do, the vicious cycle of humans since Adam and Eve, Abel and Cain, the seed of jealousy, envy that is deeply rooted in human nature since then. We find ourselves going through tough battles, that lead us to bear more burdens through the day other than what we have to pay attention to, to build a decent life. These weeds can take its form of group ethnicity, race, religious, or socioeconomic status. The battle is all about how to stumble those who don't comply or fit my agenda, human life has no value or price in this vicious cycle, as the loop of envy and jealousy is keeping rolling around the world with different voices and faces. The main message remains the same, the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. You can't witness fruitful seeds from this message. It is painful and due to lots of distractions around, the weeds find their way into our day and try to break us down. 

It is not Jesus, God, or the goodwill of the human soul, it is the rotten roots that were inherited to humans since Adam and Eve. The weeds serve their purpose either to break us down or strengthen us. It depends on your faith foundation, like satan temptations, it doesn't stop and don't go weary, it has full power horse running on fueling bad actions around. It is what it is. Don't believe there is love there, straightforward, honesty, transparency, good wishes, or joy. non of this does exist with the weeds, you have to face your battles. You have to trust in the ONE who made you, You have to believe that no evil will prevail at the end. We find ourselves instead of keeping the hard work to have a decent life being faced with the weeds who are filled with envy and jealousy to demolish any effort you are making to have a life with honor and dignity. Yes, it is depleting, exhausting, and no good, as it results in the so many sicknesses the human race is suffering from. Carrying the emotional burden with you wherever you go, living on the tip of anxiousness, agitation, irritation, anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, the sense of lack not enough, something wrong has to happen, living a life of ill- anticipation, all start with the eye, how you perceive life around you and how many weeds you are surrounded with. Tangled forest of weeds or a plain valley?

God didn't create anything bad. it is our sinful nature that constantly fights to exist and persist. if we can measure how much emotional and potential efforts the weeds are putting toward fulfilling their plans, this energy or power may build a whole different world, if they are used in a good way. The weeds can not see the beauty around, their fuel is on the dirt of the soul, unclean soul, that is how they get their fuel and the energy to continue to break down beautiful souls around, it happened that you may be in their way at this time, you become a target, the battle is not you, the battle is the beauty within you, the good within you, the hope you bring, the healing you bring and the hearts you touch all of this gives unrest, discomfort to the weeds who desire to gain control over everything around, never been satisfied, the hunger for a more and more, non-stop vicious cycle. No satisfaction or contentment, whoever they can destroy, that brings existence to their life. When I see this picture is repeating itself around, I look back to the first sin of man and say wow, we never learn the lesson, greed blinded the human soul, the mindset of lack and never been enough rule the world. Depleted drained souls yarning to a time of peace and tranquility within. Carrying this emotional baggage whether you want it or not. Making us question life, will this come to an end one day. Nothing to be said but searching for words of peace and healing to each hurting soul. Mending souls has to start with the person him/herself. As much as the pain and hurt do exist, it will ignite your soul to desire healing to see beauty instead. Beauty using the same eye that sparks the ill habit of envy and jealousy, instead tell the eye to yarn for healing too, cleansing and being grateful for whatever you have, wherever you are, and enjoy the journey of pain and suffering, telling yourself this too shall pass. Giving it all back to the cross and the price it is paid for. The weeds love to keep the blood-shedding, while God's grace shouting out for life, you have to ask yourself what do you stand for life or weeds? I see humans hard to learn from history and past mistakes since healing didn't take place yet. Seek your soul healing, desire it more than life itself, cry out to it, and ask God to lead you to a life of beauty and grace, here you will find joy. By: ME" The old ancient woman"

The Unique Journey Starts Within

 Sometimes when we come to moments of awakening, we realize the depth of the journey, a journey has not been unfolded yet. A journey requires more search and deeper understanding. You don't settle for the superficial facts or go by as if nothing happened. A journey that helps you to notice, observe, and gives you these aha moments to proceed as who you are not what is dictated to be. When I started my journey of soul searching, I was troubled, since lots of things are beyond my understanding or hard to comprehend at that time of my journey, as it is being said, the teacher only shows up to make a difference when the student is ready and I wasn't ready, or there are lots of tangled, unresolved issues needed my attention. It is a deep journey as I mentioned before, few are invited to walk into it, for the hustle and bustle and the chaotic time we live in, it takes lots of courage to listen and try to understand.  

When I don't write, I think, and when I am thinking I dive deep into the underlying meaning of things, so I have a very busy mind trying to connect the dots to make sense of a fragmented image before my eyes, for the last weeks I was astonished how I came to understand a piece of my journey. At age 4 years old, a huge betrayal happened, that is when I was electrocuted, in a stormy day, there wasn't advanced technology 43 years ago, that incident robbed me of my childhood, I journey my body carried, leaving me unable to speak till I was in 6th grade, that vivid child that was once filled with life, carried a challenge to express her need and wants, all she had is her eyes to observe and unable to reciprocate as everyone around. Her ability to say no when something wrong goes on, or be in a conversation that she feels, she is part of it, her silence became the mark to allow others to make her life. She became a doll in the hands of those who are supposed to protect her and help her make sense of life, a true life, a strong foundation to build on, all she noticed are her tears since she couldn't use her words to speak up or she didn't have the text to say or interpret. Her inner dialogue started to build. 

She found her salvation in school where she was surrounded by a guardian angel who knew what she had been through and going through, she found a common conversation she can connect with them, that is the written word. A text, and context that she can collect words from and talk, yes, she started late, yet when she was ready, the teacher showed up. Books became her only true family and companion to help her collect the words and make conversation out of it, yet her incident left another mark that is her physical pain, her migraine, and constant state of sickness and no one around her comprehend, so she was the special person that was needed that care that wasn't understood. Her incident affected her neurologically and she had to experience this all the rest of the years, the best years teens even adulthood, she carried the shame of not being whole, healthy, and normal as anyone else, still, there is this inner dialogue telling herself this isn't the end, there is something good, there is something beautiful within. Her inner world became all that meant for her, connecting with the written text even in the midst of the pain. Her pain became her personal journey, yes, she became special that she wants special people to be around, those who understand the how through unexpressed or vocalizing how you feel at the moment of pain, still they are there, they feel you and hear the unheard. It's a unique journey, hard to walk within, so you are the only one who has to take the responsibility to carry on.

This unique journey that has no cure still or hard to diagnose brings you to trials and tribulations, the world only sees the doll that they can play with or throw her away when unwanted, so the world only focuses on the physical, how you look not within. A world that has no time to understand the journey that you are walking, who cares, life goes on. Your journey takes you to stops when your pain is doubled and you have to find those micro-moments of joy and have to full courage to stand for yourself. Maybe still I have difficulty expressing my needs and wants, still, I am doing my best to do what is best for that special person who chooses to understand herself, her body, and how to overcome the pain when it occurs. It's a journey that allowed her to explore the world of knowledge, perseverance, patience, and joy. Even when it is cloudy, there is a rainbow within. When she started to study her pain here miracles happen, she is being in the process of newing within. Bearing in mind God's word, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. the body can heal itself if we have a healthy connectedness between the mind-body-soul relationship. The body is trapped in the way we feel, think, and belief, many of the times we allow toxins to point that holy temple, most of the time we ignore to purify our souls and go deeper into the beauty that was created within, sometimes we allow the other stories to hurt and wound our soul, our body is the recipient of both mind-soul processes and what they feed the body with, even if you eat so healthy and have many people around what you feed your body of a higher level, reflect itself in pain that is a sign or the body voice to let you aware oh you are not taking care of me what you feed me is not good. So it is your responsibility to check that pain what is the source, how I allowed it to happen, what is the degree of it, is it tolerable or intolerable and how I ease it from my body? What resources do I have to ease this pain in a healthy way that won't hurt anyone around and reclaim myself? All start with how do you think and how to do you feel, if you come to the realization that wasn't a portion of good food, take your responsibility to detox it. Clarifying your mind and soul on a molecular level. take small steps toward healing and reconciliation to restore the better you. Try to identify the voices the pul you down, if you become aware of these voices know the pattern, style, and your condition being at this moment, the enemy comes to kill and destroy, but Jesus comes to give you life an eternal life, allow God to dwell in you and purify the holy temple He created, it is you By ME" The Old Ancient Woman" 

Designed Isolation

Designed Isolation not only for well being but also for mental endurance.

 Life takes us in routes that may not be expected or feel the desire to be in. The most trial period of the unexpected is from early childhood until we age. This means somehow we are predisposed to be faced with change all through the time we do exist here on earth. Some changes are tolerable, new shoes, new clothes, new home, new school or workplace, As we notice when it comes to tangible changes they are ok as they reflect themselves with the word newness. who don't like new things as they are shiny, looks good, and make us feel accomplished and most of our lives, the majority are in an endless race to keep this newness, new everything so that they feel ok. An endless cycle that brings the thrive for more, more, the reward system in overdrive, dopamine rush that we at a point are drained and we start looking to the outside more and more to bring us this reward drive, and it won't be enough, the person becomes more and more dependable on the outside reward, don't care about the source or how to get it. Here is the point of no return. The person lost by this time the ability to have control over this dopamine overdrive.

It is no longer about the simple rewards that bring joy into the person day and the feeling of the pleasant flow of energy. It is deeper than this, it is the cycle of sadness, depression and low drive, the reward tank is empty now, the person has to keep looking at every outsider point to refill this reward tank. Their senses are reprogrammed to activate only when the substance or the item they use brings that feeling that once was natural coming, now it is artificially coming and it is temporary as it doesn't last so long or let the person function properly in their day. This low drive changes the whole neurobiology of a human being that leads to a whole paradigm shift how they perceive the world around them. Their focus attention only persists on where can I get back my overdrive reward sensation and manipulation starts to take place, manipulate situations, people, even their integrity of life, taking the being state as their excuse or sometimes they aren't aware of doing so, their eye on the prize. The moral wound starts to take place.


 Wounded people hurt others either deliberately or deliberately. So, we are faced with a complex layer of personality shift and the task in hand. Our jobs are no longer what is written in the job description, which is really written to meet the state policies and procedures on papers. Many love paper idealism. Everything looks shiny from the outside, everything is perfect, well done. That creates the new paradigm of designed isolation. The conflict between keeping everything good as it is said and ignore what are you truly facing in reality. How you deal with a whole person physically, emotionally, psychosocial, neuroimmunology, and the physical present illness complex. you are dealing with the outcomes of choices, lifestyle, aging, wants and needs, You are ignoring all of that when it comes to who is doing the job. Separating the worker state and the people they serve the state.  Ignoring any person conflicts within how to handle certain situations. The knowledge has to be in few hands and ignoring anyone else doesn't compete with your status or intelligence as we are separated. Inboxed, do what I want you to do, don't question it, just do. And if you want to keep your job or have a job, stay in your box. The vicious cycle of beingness.


You notice the contradiction in words and actions, who is in and who is out, what are limitations are put on people and how the new life is shaping itself with ambiguity and complete mental isolation that segregate the human condition. The degeneration of the brain cells, loss of capacity, and well functioning, psychosocial isolation increases mortality a micro genocide by design.

Designed Isolation increased neurotoxicity, brain damage. No life.

The harsh point of understanding multicultural DNA, RNA under the exposure of designed isolation, and pandemics are going to give a new biohack war, a whole paradigm shift of shaping the new world a world of designed neuro mapping. Which protein to manipulate nd which to mutate and the world is operating on a molecular level of the cell. Science is powerful. So, this is the time to define yourself , do you have the mental endurance to overcome this uncontrolled situation, and what will change in you after your survival who will be the new you, your new body biochemistry that will impose itself how you will operate in life, the big question is waiting for an answer. Oh! forgive me, I shouldn't ask................... By: ME" The old ancient woman" 

COVID_19 And The Unknown

Along the road of the unknown, another world to rediscover. 

It is almost August, two-third of the year 2020 is saying goodbye. lives have been changed and how you perceive the world around you. 2020 is taking me into a deep route of the unknown. How it happened and why no specific answer. Iam up to discovering anew level of self-awareness. Who I want to be if none of these right now could ever happen? As a big believer in life and a life of fulfillment not only getting by, I see myself in place that I wouldn't imagine I would be able to function within. Trauma leaves you so vulnerable and you are not sure of what is true or not true? I find myself unpacking the complex layer that trauma put on me, or unconsciously I allowed that to happen, so noticing what actually had happened and what can you do then, is an eye-opening  

Experiencing the freedom of being who you are without any apology, be you, that takes a lot of weight I was carrying through my day. Yes, hard experiences leave their markers on us, yet, you start to notice the inner soul in every individual around. It is priceless to witness beautiful hearts are still exist. See the beauty and goodness in each one you meet in the route of the unknown. When you tell me before in the journey of in-between that it is ok to be you, I would question everything you do, leaving me drained and untrusted. It isn't a good place to be in questioning everything around you, uncertain, afraid if you let it go, controlling anything so the hurt won't happen again and it happens. As you see the vicious loop of being stuck in the overwhelming zone of remembering the past, the pain and everything went wrong. This zone doesn't serve you if you believe in life. 

Awakening to see that with every breath we take there is joy within, an unlimited joy to live and make it be seen. Despite the time of Covid-19 breaking through all the expectations, plans, dreams and a spirit is fighting to find her way in a true stable world which doesn't want to happen. when you see how steep the mountain you have to climb and no choice you have to keep going. 

Moment after moment of holding on your breath, afraid of falling, and what will happen then. And it happens till you realize falling is part of the process till you learn the lesson that things happen and when they happen, what can you do then, that what counts. God doesn't promise us a life free from pain, suffering, or struggle, they do happen the main thing is how to persist and keep moving on. I discovered that yes nothing is guaranteed the only thing you can control is you, so how are you doing on a deeper level. Are you feeling comfortable within you or there is this unsilenced voice of what is going on? when you don't know or have no clue why this or it happens, the fact is, there is no answer and you are putting yourself automatically in the loop of hard feeling, that doesn't serve you to live your day with the fulfillment that you are here and that is enough. Even there is no answer for each why you have. By:ME 

Don't be Me

searching for the truth may lead to a whole new different world.

When you do believe in the freedom of the inner soul, then you understand there are no limits for such a kind of freedom. As you are asking hard questions that sometimes or often have no answers and may lead or take you into the deep. This deep you may get lost in it for a long time as it has no dimensions. It is limitless. You find yourself clueless where you are and how the journey takes you that far that it is hard to go back. 

It feels good when your mind sparks to search for the truth and the inner meaning of our life. If it is not for a reason a purpose so why we are alive? Change is the main law of the land, no consistency, so disruptions to your process of searching turn to be permanent, connecting the pieces hasn't come to the full sense of meaning. Yet, everything you explore, you come to new truths and realities that change the angle of your scope of vision and the spectrum of discoveries widen itself to the limit of your understanding. I remember it was a journey of why first then changed to where and when and the questions still keep repeating themselves, no matter how far you reached still the pieces don't make sense. When we search for our lost soul, here the pain blinds us to see the way. So interesting in the state of pain the beast within us tries to gain control since the beast is aware so well that we have no control at this moment.   

Have you tried sometimes to stand still and listen to your pain and which state is trying to gain control within you? If you try to do this, you will become more conscious about the true you, which side is stronger within you, and how the course of life can change its way on this state. On the other side, try to notice yourself at the state of joy and rest, try to find where the beast at this time and what do you wish to tell them, will it be a good thing? How many times have you tried to tame the beast within you for the better good? And if you do so here your rest state will take control. How many of us can do this and try to enjoy the simple things around? Appreciating every moment in their day, as what has passed,won't come back, all you have is this moment so, how you will appreciate this moment. Even it is a moment of gain or a moment of pain. 

For me it doesn't matter anymore how the moment is or will be, I decided to attract what will bring more joy into this moment as that is the most precious treasure a person could have. There are too much pain already in this world. Nasty things do happen, that is the human nature, taming the beast within hasn't come into the awareness yet, and those who learned how to tame the beast will find joy in everything they touch, see, hear, smell or feel. A joyful heart, how cool is that! Imagine amongst the chaos, you will be able to find the rhythm within. My questions have no answers, you have to decide how the journey will go. Find the rhythm within. 

Sitting in the sunshine, closing your eyes, listening to the birds, watching little quarrels running across the way , expressing the sign of life. Hiking through mountains, feeling the magical breeze of air that has been given for free, and still, they change our whole perception about joy and what can bring joy into your moment. 

Listening to your favorite music, splashing your favorite colors within your existence of a joyful soul. Break all the barriers within. Your own world that you created within is yours no one can take it out of you. Your own little world has no conflicts over it or envy or jealousy, it is a world that not many are interested in. It is the child within that carving pure breaths and clarity within. 

Taking small steps for more exploration and discovery. It may feel like the wilderness and it is the wilderness of transformation, reconstructing the soul, bringing peace, and understanding what life is about. I have no clue what is the next step, it is my journey and I decided to be more aware of it. 

By: ME" The old ancient woman" 

In The Waiting

The -------- in-between

The waiting, the anticipation of what may happen next. Will it be aligned to your desires or completely different and what if cycle that will take you away of any possibilities or potentials you may have in front of you. In the waiting, trust is difficult. Certainty is something far beyond your reach. Will you trust the journey or you keep trying on your own and put your outcomes without reconsidering anything else. This may reflect the state of mind on the drive. In the waiting the mind on drive forgets about timing and al other risk factors may be involved within. It is the mind that gets exhausted from the derivatives of scenarios and outcomes. Unrelaxed mind, on the drive for results, what is next and sometimes no meaning for what is next but time-consuming.  to stand still is scary, to have peace is something foreigner to this state of mind. On the drive for challenges, conflicts, and draining the natural system mechanism, and here we find ourselves in a pattern that makes no sense. 

It is not a good thing to witness this state occurring and you can't completely control its path. It sounds out of control since the rest button lost its function by the time the tower collapse and the person finds themselves in a spot of nowhere. A new state of mind. A new condition and a new way of life, and it isn't comfortable. Feeling whole or being divided? You don't know which state you become then. It is confusing, need help and don't know what exactly to address. It is all-new for you. A new journey to begin and new lessons to carry with you and you may share some. Where can you start, when you once were whole or now as a divided one? 

You have a thought and want to speak out and here comes the trouble as it is so important who you are going to share with, over and over, you haven't learned the lesson, the way you choose to share your thoughts isn't right. Safety has to be the shield of protection to the person before sharing anything. Testing fails each time and here we come the cycle repeats itself and the images are broken into million pieces not twice. 

In the waiting for the good to happen, you may wait another life, As any fruit known by its seeds. The taste of the fruit depends on the soil, sour or sweet, you never know till you open the fruit and taste it then you can make a decision. But life is like a deep ocean with all its charming and horrifying truth, you have to experience them, then you can make a decision and know what is right. 

Let's say life is like a wide sea, full of miracles and wonders.  Or like a garden has its roses and thorns. Or like untold story and waiting for the ones who believed in the goodness of life to write the words, the lines, and have the choice to write the end. So, you have the choice to stay mysterious, closed like the fruit or take the risk and be open to receive the choice .it is a moment that does change lives, who is willing to take risks, you never know as life is like a deep ocean, each day it has a story to tell, a discovery that will astonish the world how come this happen? So, whatever you choose, take courage and responsibility to whatever will come. 

By: ME" the old Ancient woman" 

Running on The Emotional Gears

Blurry confusing image, is it right? Can you identify the words and the purpose of this image?

Iam sure, you will give it a try, or it may make you feel uncomfortable as it gives you hard time thinking or reflect or try to solve something that is completely unclear to you.

Hold on, we will walk through this together. and yet, I have another question for you, at the moments of confusion and unclarity, how many of you hear a comforting voice reaching out to you to make things more clear to you? Don't answer as the answer is mostly predictable. Hardly none, so take it easy and give yourself a chance to understand and educate yourself if you can. 

As a believer in the bottom-top approach to reclaim the dignity of human beings, I can simply say, our life is coded from the first moment in the Uterus. It is all about how healthy the cells on a molecular level. The emotional state of a parent at that time, trauma history in parents, and the environment, relationships, connections, lifestyle, diet, and uncontrolled toxins that invade these molecules internally and externally. So, we come to life with precoded epigenomes. 

A pre-mapped topography in your emotional context that will determine later as you progress in life how far you will be predisposed to certain diseases or body deterioration, it is all chemical. You are a living lab. And the control room in this lab is your brain. The results will come out of this room based on the information gathered from every route designated in such a complex structure. Some are designed to sustain life, you want food to eat, heat, survival and for living creatures get their needs may be reflected in behaviors like aggression, dominance, territory, and ritual displays which are run by the reptilian brain. 

Moving up in order to reach safety and comfort, we seek connection. since you are a child you start to pick on behaviors that will give you an understanding on what does connection and relationship means, each according to the type of environment you are in, adults around you and they type of languages that will give meaning to this context and you build up your adaptive patterns or toolbox that will help you feel like you are functioning within the group, the mammalian brain. And here where all types of interactions are taking a form. So, it is not you it is the adaptive personality that takes place. According to the environment, you are in, you may be empowered within healthy relationships, connections, structure, nourishment, and lifestyle. Or disempowered by unhealthy relationships, connections, dysfunctional structure, malnutrition, and maladaptive. Maybe oppressed, suppressed, aggressive, violent, bad habits, a recipe of moral death. Adversity, trauma, self-esteem injuries and the list go on that leave the person with a constant struggle while their brain is developing, so the development has no healthy foundation and here when the person puts so many masks to do life or walk through life.

That leads us to a core point why we have such blurry image along the way, the chaotic, punitive, inconsistent practices, instability of all kinds or what is known," Accumulative Harm Effect", parenting with annoyance, leading through creating tension, anxiety, stress, hypervigilant state that are running on Adrenaline and cortisol secretion, the firey chemicals , creating such oxidative guts , toxin chemicals that damage your neurons, impaired your brain abilities on the way. That moral death recipe act from the sympathetic nervous system, lead the person to have the limbic system instability , reaction mode, impulsive mode, fight, or flight. Danger, danger mentality. Imagine by allowing your brain to run on the negative , dysfunctional unhealthy state as if you are burning the engine that runs your life and differentiates you from reptiles and animals that is lead us to the importance of realizing the roots of your emotional hyperarousal. And if you would like to learn a little bit about emotional hyperarousal or what is called the extremes of emotions, either too passionate , thoughtful, or blown up. There is no middle. people with emotional hyperarousal have passionate thoughts, reactions, and feelings that are more intense than these of the average person, often experience happiness and criticism that make them appear overly sensitive and be off-putting to those around them which in turn can do deep, long- term damage to their self-esteem. They experience meltdown or blow-ups, have to be talked off the ledge when they are overwhelmed by their emotional responses. People walk on eggshells around them. Emotions flare up out of nowhere and then resolve themselves just as quickly. They experience intense cycles of emotions, so sensitive to rejection, teasing, criticism, or the perception that you have failed or fallen short. People around them complain they don't understand the person's reactions or can't keep up with the person's ever-changing emotions. They can't rid your brain of a certain thought or idea when you want to feel like a child who is "faking"  being a real adult due to your uncontrolled emotions. They experience emotions more intensely, more suddenly, more unpredictability, unaware of how physically active. Shifts in the mood, coming and get "blindsided by your own emotions. their strong uncontrolled mood shifts damaged personal relationships or career prospects. Thoughts bounce from one concern and worry to another may passively affect their sleep. here again this the patterns we may face going back to the root of the severe emotional trauma that causes lasting changes in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex region of the brain, that is responsible for regulating emotional response triggered by the Amygdala, brings back to the memory or the mind the abandonment, the loss, the grief, separation self-esteem injuries, facing a person they don't know any more or hopeless, helpless while the person goes in life more damage happen in the main parts of the brain the control room, the engine that structure life meaning and purpose due to the unhealthy metabolism of emotions. So hurting people hurt people, if we function from the point that we are not tuned into the reality what we truly face, where we are and how can we repair this damage collectively, holistically, and with integrity.

That moves us to the wonderful amazing structure of Neocortex of the brain that is orchestrate planning complex behavior and sensory discrimination part of the cerebral cortex and a cortical part of the limbic system consists of grey matter that shapes 76% of total brain volume. If the neocortex is hurt, the cognitive ability of the person will be greatly affected. The Neocortex controls a person's language and consciousness. It has unmyelinated fibers and a grey matter called neuronal cell bodies myelinated axons. The neocortex is derived from the dorsal telencephalon in the rostral area of the forebrain, most of the synaptic connections form the cortex's counterpart. 

Neocortex stores information about the structure of the environment enables mammals to find food needed to survive, sleep-dependent memory processing if you get a good night's sleep because of the function of the neocortex. 80% of the neurons in neocortex are excitatory and 20% inhibitory. The neocortex has a vital role in the person's semantic memory. It plays an essential role in episodic memory recalling important events in your life as well as spatial recognition and auditory information. Imagine allowing with overwhelming emotions, tension, prolonged trauma, stress toxic environments ,a person is giving a permission to lose their engines that hold the meaning to anything around by ruminating or repeating the vicious cycle unconsciously or consciously so we as human are destroying the lives by running life on emotional gears. Shall we give ourselves a chance to learn how you are designed and how wonderful you are made for a good life , so you have the choice, educate? when you are aware, understand, empowered the picture will no longer be blurry.  By: ME," The old Ancient Woman"

COVID-19 And Our Fears

It is true our senses reflect how we react in any environment

COVID- 19 is rewriting the coming phase of human history. A changing paradigm in humans' actions and behavior. And their impact subsequently on how you see the world, and how we see each other at this moment. It is a movie or a book turned into reality.  Reading and watching books and movies about Aliens invading our plant with unknowns technologies and Viruses are a reality we live. Yet, only one fact that no aliens from outer space. We " the globe" are the Aliens.


2020 had bigger dreams and plans I was working on, and diligently trying to fight the odd. Telling myself I can do this, I will do this. Iam in the free land where dreams come true. If you work hard, you will be whatever you want to be. The scenario year after year became different. I became aware that, we humans no matter what religion, culture, tongue, any background, create our own battles that fit the map we have in our minds either to gain control or remain control. As we know the sacrifice of souls for honor or patriotism both have conditioned human life to keep the pride among the tribe.

I realized that we are not alone, each one of us is a variable in any of the equations that fits a specific scenario.  So my search for freedom of voice and choice came in place to face reality. What variable I am, is not my choice in the bigger picture. Working on my own picture or what we call a vision is contradicting the outer vision or scenario. Waves of the ocean turned to be spiky rocks, and you have to face them and get your share of it. Plans, dreams, goals became like a chess game, trying to figure it out. Before I was lead by fears, be the good girl and be obedient, be the kitty cat, nicer, and have no voice. Be the dolly, dress beautifully, and paint your face. Everything was telling me to hide yourself. You aren't allowed to be seen, or being visible and if you do, you will be smashed, dare you.

Early childhood Experiences effect themselves in our older life

These are the patterns that developed over the years, certain societies, ethnic or religion, females have to be in a certain way and the other parts of the world will come to know that and be judged by this frame of understanding about how things go. And unfortunately, you believe. So you walk through your life expecting that the story was told about you beforehand will determine how everything has to go, and the cycle repeats itself, till you are hit so hard that awaken you. The wrong beliefs that made you guided by the shadow of your fears. This garment doesn't fit anymore.

When you learn about how mental games can change the person unconsciously, even without they don't know that is a mental game, you are shocked and subconsciously, you will do what the scenario is telling what you are supposed to do. Your brain waves will change accordingly and your body will act accordingly, once the action is repeated, it is already kept it the memory and next time the scenario is being delivered, automatically you will react, even without you realizing that you were planning to act differently. The consciousness was deactivated and the subconscious is activated. Fearful dynamic about the architecture of our brain and how the Triune bain layers impact how we construct our behaviors according to the elements of input of the equation, and how our senses collect the data to match them with past scenarios and telling your body is this a red light or green light. If you have a painful past, your Limbic system/emotions are on high alert once a familiar scenario repeats itself. The whole experience won't be about who you are with at the present. it is all about what the experience triggered in you. So negative past experiences do affect how we deal with the present.


So, COVID-19 brought to me the persistent question," What are you afraid of?" Listen to them, try to notice them individually, and ask yourself why this or that makes me afraid? What am I afraid of loss or failure? shame or grief? perception or belief? reality or the truth? whatever you are afraid of, this is the true time to face our fears? whatever they find the courage to face them? you won't succeed from the first trial. Your fears will shy out from you when you will realize that fears do exist because you have something to work on and either you run away from it or you are ignoring it. We all have fears yet they are shown in the way we interact with one another on a daily basis. Embrace your fears as they do exist to teach you something and tone into your body and ask what did I didn't get from 0-20 years old and I tried to make this happen and it didn't happen? Why it didn't happen? and what things keep repeating themselves into your life so you get the same results? Are you allowing your fears to gain control over you? or remain control over you? And why control in the first place? did you understand the value of yourself as a variable in an equation and if you do what is your value? Can you write the equation yourself or are you waiting for the mastermind to deliver the equation each time? Did you lose control to find yourself? It is never been late to state the journey of discovering yourself and your value. At this time of Global fear, no one is exempt to get to know their fears and see how they impact the overall of their lives? Do fears serve you positively or on a negative scale?  if any of the fears are impacting you negatively, then you allowed this to happen, Whatever built on early age-positive or negative that what will remain with us and building layer after layer out of it.

In the journey of discovery, Whatever planted in your life, will continue with you along the journey. Keep learning and give your self permission to face your fears. You will never know until you try. Life is like a lab experiment, you may have 1000, 000 trials only a few of them will align with your hypothesis, the rest are lessons learned from.

Holding on The Screen

It the time of Screen switch, everything is depending on all types of screens to voice or be seen. It is time to echo the sound all over the place. who can imagine a few months ago there was an upheaval to urge people to get connected with each other face to face and on the other side huge evidence of how technology changes the patterns in your brain and leads to isolation. All this came to silence when COVID-19 visited the globe, silenced all assumptions, and call of the importance of gatherings.

The world in 2020 screen dependency 

It struck to my mind how all these natural, spiritual, social, health and wellness movement were rushing the world into a new life type that aligns with the sociopolitical phase for 2020-2021 to set the world in completely different conditioning. One invisible microorganism reflects our truth. The state of fear. Even when we are trying to take a step towards life, work, or care, we do it with fear. On January 15, 2020, as an intuitive soul, I anticipated a presentation with a group of meetups entitled" Phobic Nation or State-based- Fear. Where I explained some of the everyday controls that change how we react, live, choose, or make decisions.  I named it a human condition as it is applicable anywhere since it reflects our psychoneurological state. If we come to know ourselves on a deeper level. 

They are already witnessed how screens are the major player in their upbringing, so no true attachments or bonding. Gadget dependent world, I sense that people will get a heart attack from losing any other this rather than losing a human. The world is given a truly practical, hands-on experience of how to run life behind the screens. New technologies will emerge from this situation. New discoveries and new ways of looking at what matters most in our lives and what are the key factors players that we can't deny anymore or pretend the opposite. 

For me, I failed the test as Iam not fully technologically prepared, I mean the social side of technology, Face time, Zoom, Messenger, hang out, How to run the backstage Media so I won't fall off the cliff of the newly emerged work environment of telehealth. And here comes the component of human contact. I totally understand that almost 40% of the workforce lost their jobs, Mostly in the human service field. Mostly low wages and trying to make ends meet. Most have families or they were dreaming of having one. Lots of untold stories and untouched points from the Main Stream Media who are focusing on the big picture, not the details. 

At this tough time that requires, you have to have a compatible system of technology to be able to meet the needs or reaching out or do the work required at this time of the pandemic. Those who aren't prepared left behind. No time to educate or train these individuals of what the real workforce field and the truly required skills. Soft Skills and Hard Skills. The compatible system and it's dynamic. 

In very competitive communities we live in, even it the toughest, the hardest times, the race isn't finished to get the latest, to be the first, to reach the highest and the speed of wireless to get there. Our brains already changed and at this true experiment of COVID-19, the behaviors show that lots of analytics are going to take place on a consumption basis, environmental, social, and cognitively. What behavior patterns show themselves so clear in this time. This will emerge on a new demographic economical map to tell us what is the most important and we can't live without or dependency, codependency, and interdependency pattern and which category is the highest and what step we want to take whether results are satisfactory or not. In Fear-based-State are we able to make the right decisions or still the sociopolitical element is reigning overall? Will the geopolitical map change and what is the coming economic uniform we will be ready to wear? 

I have been through many phases of crisis and witnessing how the world changes after each one of them, at this time the urgent question is are you still not ready? It doesn't matter to like it or not the change is coming anyway, So you have to decide............. By: ME" The Old Ancient Woman"

Re-Evaluate---- Re-Consider------Forgiveness

Within the time being, hours, days, weeks passed and as a natural response, many of us get caught in the chaotic imbalanced and get lost within the meaningless actions of passing the time or being more worried, anxious, angry, unconsciously reacting to everything around, follow every thread of streaming, moving from one virtual site to the other and getting the feedback from the external world, unaware of being powerless, and putting 

all the assumptions on the outside, fo we got lost

on the outside level of running into our own sense of what actually occurring in the time being. We carry the same feelings, thoughts, emotions, towards others and react upon them. 

So, a crisis is only meant to reflect the true status we are in. 

In a crisis, the heat of acceptance or hate reveals itself. The heat of the power struggle structure reveals itself. Even in crisis, the law of selections become more and more clear and no deny or control how things may go, hold your breath,                                                                                                 as we aren't done yet. And first of all Iam 

                                                                                   not here so, you can like me. No, you don't have to like me, many things around, are around despite we do like them or not. Everything does exist to serve its purpose. And wait here, Iam identifying myself with things? Yes, that is when the time comes and you start to re- 

evaluate your life journey in a time of crisis. You start to see things that you didn't see before or you are blindspot, couldn't see it coming and you aren't prepared, well equipped or fully aware of their existence around you. And here, comes these times when you have to stop and silence the giant within and ask yourself: Am I present at the moment?- are you allowing circumstances to disempower you or empower you? Do you have the right resources available around you? Do you have the willingness to address the tough issues and deal with them? Are you kind to yourself? Are you giving yourself grace when you realize that you give permission to bad things to happen when you were silencing your voice out of fear and intimidations of the powers around? Do you have control over your self not the world, conflicts, or by the mean do you have this connection with your inner schemata in relation to the world? Are you reconciled with your inner child? As we lost our primary identity in secondary identity to cope with the social standards or demands of existence, we will never be satisfied or content with our lives as this inner conflict between the two identities will show itself in each stage of your life till the stronger side will prevail and here we come to see how our lives unfold either side, it all comes back to your awareness, being educated with the right stuff and authentic guidance through the way and this is a tough journey to go. It all comes back to your early childhood experiences and what battles you carry on with you into the world. How you show up? How you are seen? How you project your voice in the world not a victim but and explorers, experimental mindset and living a life with meaning and purpose. That is the true destination you want to find or be unfold to understand what your life is all about. 

With all the odd, Iam going through, I choose to reconsider the main stops of my life. All reflect a link to where I am right now. It is a journey of fighting for your life, not stigmatized, trapped in a pattern that leaves you in the cold. So, important who you are surrounded with, do affect a huge percentage of how your life goes. To be sure that you are in the right environment where support is provided out of integrity and love of supporting one another, not power struggle to get the quote here Iam the boss and I can do anything, belittle or dismiss who don't fit. Certain races stereotype of specific roles or jobs, or inclusion or exclusion.  In a crisis, it shows you how dynamics work with a group. These dynamics reflect the culture of the environment and that is so complex.  As in crisis comes the opportunity to rise up or dropped down. And this is the fine line in any successful, empowering environment. The main this is, don't panic and you have to be thankful the truth is prevailing itself, now it is all up to you, what do you want and how to move on. It is all on to you. You have to step into your responsibility as an adult, it is the crucial time to parent yourself. And take credit for what you have learned. Hard lessons are made for a reason. As oneself for the whole, only what matters at the time of crisis do you have the skill set needed for the time being or not, it is not you as a person. It is time for you to reconsider what do you want and how would you like your life to go from here. As it is said everyone is happy at the party time, and when tough things happen, the truth prevails itself. 

The self project itself stronger than ever, priority and the example you have to set. Failing is a lesson to be learned. Failing points you to where you have to ook or changing direction. Failing doesn't project you as an individual, it reflects on the chopping authorities to dress you up in the image of lack of confidence and disempowerment. And these powers are so real during tough times as tough times do break the fragile, vulnerable, disarmed, unsupported targets. It is said never hit a man when they are down, unfortunately, this is a Nobel fact works only with people with integrity not the other who looks for the opportunities of you being down and strike. As when you strike on a person when they are down, this isn't a victory this is snippets. No heart for life, or humans as value. And this is a fact , so don't expect anything from anywhere. Reconsider everything as an opportunity to build you up as you learned what you don't want to be. 

How powerful it is to realize the amazing grace of God's presence within you. The work of the holy spirit working within you. Rising above all the battles you fight. The joy that is built within even during crisis times. The hope that won't faint in Jesus Christ. Refusing all chains of the world that are so thick , unbreakable, and you physical existence is fragile, vulnerable and screaming for help and you aren't going anywhere. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. Forgiveness is being able to see, notice what had happened, accept and move on. In each one of us, there is a hidden battle or conflict, theses battles or conflicts are projecting themselves in the interaction with one another. Maybe this person reminds you of painful past learning experiences and your actions will make sense. We have to come to the root problem" Why am I this way? What this place/person trigger within me? Notice your feelings? Validate, notice where in your body these feelings or emotions project themselves? Breathe, count 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and come back to the present moment and see what can you do from here, not the past, not the future you are here and all what you have is this moment so how you are going to use it and be your authentic self not what the world wants to project on you. Forgive and move on, acknowledge that every experience is to teach you and lift yourself up no one will do it for you, so be your own advocate and thank God for being you. By: ME" The old ancient woman"