The Broken Loop

For sure no one chooses to be traumatized or being in a situation where they are poorly treated. There is a side that is not clear to those who fall in such a broken loop. Mostly naivety, overprotection, authoritarian environment, lack of education, immaturity, assuming the good in everyone around, displaced, and the extreme being born in high conflict zones, regions at risk or wars. So, we as humans are placed in a situation in a way or another at a certain point in our life.

If you realize somehow that you are one of those, congratulation, you are a member of the broken loop. In the world of survival, all of the above are the variables of the equation for filtering. If you are not tuning with yourself, then you will be used to fulfill the plans of others, so your existence may be translated only in one scope," A picture is taken" your presence only is a picture that tells a different story. Ignoring all the Neuropsychol effects occurring within the environment, you are in. The truth requires us to take a deep breath and pay attention to those dynamics that are targeting you in different ways. Delivering a completely different message from what it is meant to be. Being aware of the situations and the words are being used in each, give a hint to those who are members in the broken loop to stop and pay attention. Many will walk away from a broken loop to another and facing more and more intensity in wording and patterns that day by day become so clear to the members of the broken loop.


  Here comes the choice of understanding, analyzing, keeping track of the patterns. Paying attention to the following points:
-What is the message is repeated?
- What situations do these messages occur?
- What occasions do these messages repeat themselves?
- What are the cues that come before these messages occur?
-What type of characters are delivering these messages when the patterns occur?
-What normally occurs when these messages keep persisting and occurring?
- And the main core what is your reaction/ action or response in each situation?
-If these patterns are working on your triggers, past, present, they will keep happenings as long as they achieve the desired outcome of either disempowering you, belittle you, boxing you, leave you out in the cold, drop you under the bus, blind competition, limiting your life, withness you are you fail over and over, traumatizing you without a trace, controlling, and all the office politics that reflect the unhealthy lifestyle humans count on to survive.

It is not your fault when you lack knowledge, and yet it will become your fault when you get the knowledge. Lack of understanding and not having the right knowledge at the right time, right place, right people, will definitely leave its scars on you. It is your responsibility when you get the knowledge to move on to the right place within first, with a radical acceptance that you can't change what had happened and the battles you had or have to go through. You will start to realize that the heaviness you are made to carry with you along the way, is not yours and little by little start another completely different journey of putting down such heaviness that left deep scars in your body and life.

Don't expect that the new realization will be welcomed, the message will keep reaping, the situations as the main target to keep you in the broken loop, with an emphasis, broken people have to stay broken or no survival for the fittest.  Don't expect support or finally, you are counted as a human, you will be pushed down furthermore, the wind may become stronger and then you will see the truth. Now it is all up to you... What do you choose...................  By: ME" The Old Ancient woman"

Witnessing Both Axis Of Humanism

If We would like to start a narrative of reflection about our human dynamics within a group. Understanding the mindset of each one of them. Analyzing the pros and cons or what is good about this or that? We, humans, are so complex. It is not easy to reach a blueprint definition or a decisive approach to how and why things happen this way. The best way to approach some sort of understanding is to ask yourself: What is the most urgent factor I want to understand more about. learn, grasp or making it more applicable?


This point comes when you are at a very difficult point in your life and you are persistent to understand why? The tale of two cities, the tale of different sides of the world and the neuropsychological architecture is completely different. The east and the west. In most cases, the survival brain is at its most function. So whatever patterns are being built that what the human is going to act or react in any similar situations so it is not the present or future that control situations it is the past. We take people with their past and love to keep the past as it served us before, let's call it the endless social experiment. Trying to keep the person in the past and that leads to the same old results and the vicious cycle of control over the years or maybe decays. 


In the past, we didn't have such an evolution of sciences to give us a close look at how we as humans are changing on a cellular level from the inside out. People used to look at symptoms not the whys.  We look at common patterns and according to our perceptions, we judge and good luck. Ignoring the impact of false perception on human physiology, so we throw the body under the bus. Maybe most of the interactions are built on delusional perceptions of the brain and how the person feels at this moment, not most of the days or commonly.  Unconsciously, sizing everyone up. Especially those who are part of the social experiment in a controlled environment and uncontrolled environment. having support or isolated. Walking dead or embracing life.

Unfortunately, when you witness both sides of the world East and West. Surprises will be so overwhelming to you as an explorer of most workable dynamics that lead to a better human and better life. The East dynamic is more built on strength in focusing on the emotional physiological side of human life as you are your body and how do you feel that what will determine your survival mechanism around your herd of people. Since other aspects of life are done for you, so how to operate that what all you need. Yet, this is not the commonality of the dynamics as you have the extreme of this system.  We have the elite, those who get the best and most of the best of human life, with full potential reaching their capacities and all dreams, come true. The other extreme is the deprivation of resources, poverty and extreme limitations yet, despite the socioeconomic status the emotional and physiological systems. In whatever dynamics a human is in, how the mind/brain/body works are absolutely astonishing.

No deny that we are in a new phase of human wars, that is the neurobiological war. The impact that can occur in the social experiment is taking a whole new level of dynamics. the metabolism of emotions and feelings. Which we lead to whole new human architecture every 7 years. How you think, believe, behave or discovering your presence in the life you are in. Neurobiological wars use humans as an experiment. Whether under a controlled environment, diet, lifestyle or any type of planned structure. Your biochemistry, hormones, neurotransmitters, protein cells, enzymes, old neuropathways, microbiomes all are the new phase of where humans are heading, certain cultures, gender, race, age or even specific demographic census. And that is the greatest phase of west life evolution. Science is opening an endless potential for answers and explaining the whys. Yet, using animals proved that is still a limited world of high demand on finding solutions and the strive for survival especially to the elite groups who require longevity and aging delay, looking younger, stronger and healthier.

In such a new marathon of survival not for the fittest, it is survival for those who can control their lives with a deep understanding where are we, what are we facing and which part of the social experiment do you belong?  Generation Z is completely unaware of what is ahead. So, what do you think? Are we living in a safe world? no matter where you are , you are not excluded. You are part of the equation. It is not easy to explain it all as we are enable emotions to be the tool of the change of
the human architecture. By: ManalEweis" The old ancient woman"

Self Talk when it comes to work out our emotions, is so smart ,don't care about what others say or may call you, talk loud to metabolize your emotions

Finding Your Voice

We all witnessed in some way or another the humanist movements to work with undeveloped countries towards specific agendas, Human Rights, Women Rights, Child Labor, Gender Equality, Education Reform, SOS, Political Borders, Religion Freedom-------------------- and Too many causes that will make any raw people to see the sun and the world is taking over the core values of human life. Here, let me tell you to stop. This a whole different life from what is happening on a daily basis for regular human beings, living among supposed to be other human beings.


First of all, we have to set the tone first that this is not applicable to every single being. Again if you are invisible, living on the outlier of the human chart, no voice, scared, obedient to whatever the world throws unto you, no hopes or dreams, waiting on the help from nowhere. living like a shadow among other living, congratulation, no one will bother you. You are the food for a different type of living. The importance to keep the way you are is so vital for the wheel of growth to them, not you. Most of the time you are not aware of your category in the hierarchy of cultural socioeconomic pyramid. The deep bottom of no true life, like a pet, only needs a shelter to be around for a certain time. 

And if we have a close look at this picture, to some .is so pleasant. So, Who doesn't like control and power that equal money?  One of the main components of our genetic programming. In a community that censorship of the quality of human being life, not in place. The true fact, this scenario is active and alive in both developed or undeveloped countries. Human being genetic programming are the same no matter what. So, the main thing here whether it is happening or not, as it does happens. The main thing now, what can we do about it? especially, for individuals that are being squared in this zone of categorization.

If you are a reflective, intuitive, spiritual soul, this category will bother you. You will not feel peace with it. As when you look so close at it, you will see dead people on the process of decay and still their breath exists. trying to break free their tomb and facing the absolute dark around them, coldness, echos and the smell of other dead around them.

Having no voice, all their bodies are not the same , only there is a deep echo within, repeating, you are not dead yet, you can do it. Break this tomb, sit yourself free, no one sees you, no one hears you. Break this tomb and allow the spirit to fill you in. Break this tomb and stand in the truth that you do exist. Break this tomb and trust in the ONE made you. Break this tomb and wipe all the dirt stuffed in the eye. You are going to be surprised to realized that you are the one who gave permission to end where you are. Break this tomb and step slowly into a new realm. Break this tomb and let your breath be renewed.

If you feel heavy somehow, shake it off. Let it go, step one more step, and the more you will go, the more you will see more truth around you. Learn from your lessons and be aware no one will give you a voice, as it is already yours. Be sure that everyone in this category, have to find their own voice, different route, the different journey not yours. Be aware of who you are around and stop being the food.  Don't believe there is a cause, every individual has their own motives and agendas, not yours.
Find your ground and stay there. Don't expect everyone you meet will give you roses most of the time you will be given thorn. When you realize that your suffering and pain are their joy, that is a message is being sent to you that this is not your ground and no voice for you. The survival and danger programming at the fuel of this ground, so it is shaky ground, nothing healthy is there. Keep stepping forward and search for your ground and voice, keep going. By: ME" The Old Ancient Woman"

When there is a breath, there is a life calling

It has been 43 years since my trauma started to build up. Absolutely back then the word Trauma was not even identified. Things happen to people and life goes on. An what has happened has happened. Or medicine and tools were not advanced or even no internet where the world becomes so small that you can search, dig deep and have day by day another piece of the puzzle to understand. That event was beyond all beliefs when I was 4 years old and got the first accident that sent me to the other world and by a miracle, I was saved, had new skin and new body and I was called the miracle girl.

Noone caught the consequences of that event on my neurophysiology. My pain wasn't explained as no diagnose to it and here the psychological battle started especially the more I get older. It is not cold, it is not a common diagnosis. Medications didn't work. Staying in bed for days. Days of pain and crying and being accused of acting out, not real, spoiled, rebellious, stubborn and more labels were added. It was and still this part of me that I couldn't understand back then.


More events followed and the struggle becomes part and parcel of my journey. Each day I doubted that I can be normal, with no pain and be happy, yet it doesn't happen. The pain took me out of normal life and feel normal among others. Years and years I thought Iam cursed and God hates me. As the old belief that God punishes us with sickness. I have had done something bad and God is mad at me so He cursed me with undiagnosed pain. Walking in the world with that heavy burden and feeling not alive and I don't belong to the world or I don't deserve to be alive that is how God is punishing me. So you walk with shame and guilt for the way you are and how you are in the world.

Every day I was given a breath, I become more determined and more persistent that I am alive and I can do things and be in the world. Getting through the maniac journey of trying to know exactly what is the name of your pain. It has to have a name, going from one doctor to another and all are assumptions and maybe or it has a name that is called stress or immune disorder so as a naive recipient of these expressions, I told myself there is no disease like this. I remember back days when some doctors say " you need to live in a utopia or unstressed environment". Yet how this could happen or what odes it mean nothing but giving me vitamins or certain medicine that makes me more different and still my pain doesn't want to go. Trying to defend myself that I didn't bring this unto me, yet not understood. Trying to hide and disappear from life, I lose connection with the world around me. Trying to connect, I feel I don't belong and there is a big bridge between me and others. So the Pschoemotional battle started to take deep roots in my daily life. And that didn't get me where I want to be. I lost a sense of normal life and iam hanging on survival. In an unbreakable bubble. I avoided all emotional pressures or gatherings or talking about the negative scenario that persists in my daily life. It is an inner battle, what is seen is iceberg, the top of it, everything is ok.


Lack of understanding about chronic pain leads societies to condemn and judge those who are struggling within. Many give up, others become victims to the negative consequences of so many bad choices and decline of quality of life. Some choose not to surrender to either and start their own personal journey of discovering what this all about. It is a journey of self-commitment and hard work to understand why their bodies interact in such a way? Getting to the root of the Neurophysiology of themselves and how the environment can change our gene expression, being over adapted and stuck in patterns that no more serve us on the healing journey. It is a long journey and deep as well. Our bodies are not flawed, our bodies require deeper understanding and willingness to learn, unlearn and having the right tools to put them into action and believe, as long as you have a breath, there is life calling your name and it is a unique life that witness in each scar there is a flame of hope is being rebirthed.  Despite it seems so limited life in your understanding, there is more to come to put you in peace with the journey and use your mess as your message. Hold on and keep learning and understanding and be your pain friend, show it compassion, let it know that you are not angry or ashamed of it anymore and you want this commitment to walk together and help one another to overcome that high peak curve of growth and mutual respect. we humans are so miraculously made that our cells can be regenerated if we have the right tools and the right support system around you and understanding the red flags that keep your pain in alert and move away from them, be your own self-advocate and belief that God sees you and loves you the way you are. Honor the pain, honor the journey and have hope

Can Anybody Hear???????????????

Who agrees that early development shapes the brain. Separating the mind and body is like having a glass of water with no water. Or Isolation, emotional stressors are the formula for any degenerating illness and diseases.  Stress generates 32 hormones that metabolize in the body, That turns into neurotransmitters that affect how the brain works , subsequently how the body function, We, humans, are the big resource of social experiments.  Classified as top and bottom and end results of both. The top is hard to get sick, the bottom, sickness is a natural outcome. So, we are assigned as chess pieces, woody and immobilized unless the outer force moves us.

Since, we adults are more responsible for shaping the minds of the little one, hence wherever you stand is going to pass to them, psychologically, socially, and culturally. And this formula produces the biological change in them and that is a huge impact. Separating the mind from the body doesn't work. If we see symptoms which are behaviors and ignoring the causes. So adopting the psychological modality to modify and label individual traits, doesn't give you a true solution. They represent temporary solutions as controlling behavior results in building stressed children and more future defensive, resistant, bullying,  loaded with hundreds of disorders and as a result more liable to irresponsible life choice  and more problems with law enforcement, community instability, bad economic status, heart attacks, obese, diabetics, cancer   and human disaster with medication and psychosis.

Imagine, we as societies and communities are attached to approached that sickened human being only because they are familiar, easy to be funded and controlled. Shifting the perspective to the biopsychosocial model, Neurobiological model we connect mind and body and its attachment to the environment which reflects in the social interactions and relationships. 

Since we still choose to look at children from our own ego and authoritative approach, we are repeating the same stereotypes of the present generation. What you are ignoring is the biological changes occur when children's needs are not met. We are not seeing them as human beings, we put on them our social expectations and our ego of control. We are ignoring the role of secure attachment and attunement. We are ignoring gender biological differences, we ignore their developmental features due to the separation and disconnection of understanding. Seeing them as human beings and what their needs to grow and feel safe and secure within the environment that results in good learning outcomes as natural consequences.


We are ignoring that children's behavior is a result of the inability to express their needs in words, they still developing the emotional brain, still in the reactive response, their, sympathetic nervous system and  dorsal vagal system is more active and here we see the peer attachment as an interactive result of their frustration, anger, upset and what we choose is to suppress these emotions not giving them the language to process these emotions ,we punish, control and use our authoritative patterns to suppress the learning modality and here we deal with symptoms and label each child and ignoring the real causes . We don't look at a comprehensive level in the child environment, culture, social, and psychological factors that change the biology of the child acting from the paleo limbic brain resulting in generating hurting generation who inherit unresolved issues from the adults around them, more disassociative and aggressive generation. We don't consider changing ourselves in order to pass positive secure attachment and safety that leads naturally to the excellent learning outcomes. From 0-7 that is the shaping of what to come. Children adapt to the environment they are in, so changing the environment may result in changing the outcome. So how we can grow children who are confident about who they are and still their being is not conflicting with the adult agendas,

when can we educate ourselves and others in a place of rest not striving to create secure attachments and informative care? How can we do separateness without losing togetherness, and togetherness without losing separateness, adding the piece of neurophysiology to the social engagement modality, may bring the joy and peace we are seeking to reach in our life. Creating a more healthy and self-aware, resilient generation.


We, adults, have to look back to our selves first, asking what we are trying to control? What underneath issues, unresolved yet? How were your relationships in your childhood that unconsciously are shown in your adulthood and affecting your relationship with children? Whatever pattern of attachments you had in your childhood, they control how you react to your environment and wounding your social interactions and mental health, research is still going to reach solutions on how to create sustainable, safe environment and communities that heals not to re-wounding them. Secure attachments help human beings to adapt in a wounded environment. Change yourself first before dumping your hurt on young ones.

Walking---- Talking----- Freeze

In each one of us, there is a meaning of existence. There is a purpose for our being. As we learned and read that God has a plan for you. Sorry to say, it is not. God has a purpose for us. I made you the way you are for....... and if we are caught in the chaotic complex multi-layer of deceit in life, we go astray of our purpose that what God allowed us to be in this life.

So, interesting when you get into the highs and lows in your journey, you become aware of the battle between the free will that has given to us from God and the controlling power of this free will around you in the world. And here comes the voices that direct both sides. I imagine it you facing two beasts and nothing around you but the beasts and confronting your fears, threats, and instability. If this is the way it is what do you think about how your status of existence reacts in such a scenario that goes on and on and don't stop?


Some choose to play dead, so the beasts will go away as nothing to prove the striving of power here. The hunger to win, control and manipulate. The zone of the animal mind that let empathy vanish and disappear from the scene. The body controls the mind by intimidation, force and manipulation, life becomes so toxic in this zone. Living with chronic pain no way out what is awaiting in this zone for any targeted individuals nothing but death. The dark side of the animal mind, the survival of the fittest. And unfortunately millions and millions in this world live in this zone. Facing the reality we live in, acknowledge which zone you are in and freeze.



Some choose to play the game and imitate the other side, denying themselves for the sake of the end goal of the game, control, power, authority and winning over anything else. Starting the journey of having no emotions or feelings as these are the zones of getting somebody off guard and destruction of a person. Life turns to be the game of gaining power, authority, and triumph over the unwanted no matter if it is right or wrong. Feeding the beast that what drives the pleasure center within. Unfortunately, this game has no loud voices as the famous work of control is active. Strike by surprise.  when this pattern is proven to you year after year then the watcher will realize that they are in real mental warfare. Witnessing or living mental warfare is the most dangerous weapon is used against humans. Its impact is a more powerful tool as it the cold war if the real weapon can not control a being so mind control or mind destruction is the best way to go. Another zone of toxic, deadly end of life. A life with a price and costing your breath. The players have never been addressed or justice takes place, the silent assassination of the being. The narcissistic pattern of existence, and unfortunately millions and millions do exist, so face it and freeze.


Some have no choice at all or being aware of the presence of a free will, so they become the food to the beasts, waiting to be fed, dressed, told what to do and what not to do, no questions, no complaints, no cry. Tamed animals within restricted zones, known marked zones. The beasts studied them so well, understood their characteristics and how to spot them and what function they play in this cycle of life. Many walk by them and can't approach them as they know the belong to the beasts. And who wants to face the beast? So, silence comes naturally and no talk is allowed only eyes watching. The autonomous cycle of a glassy dome and semi humans is within. It is a resistant unbreakable glass, no one can go through it or break through it.  Where the beat turns into lamb till gets control then be the beast again to manipulate and play the semi-human out. Ignorance is the main choice of a target.  Vulnerability is another characteristic so you watch another cycle of dehumanization of the being. So planned, well organized and hard to break through it.  Face it and freeze.


I wish you could see the picture with me from a point of the unsafe and unhealthy scope of patterns of life we witness on the daily basis and each one thinks they are smarter than the other by being the animal mind collaborating with the beasts to survive and strive. There is no sense of wrong or right here as no empathy, kindness or true love in this world. The world that is controlled by the survival of the fittest has no good promises to true life, a better life as all of this comes with a price.

Washing all this away and observe that everything will come to an end. When we realize that the beasts promise nothing but death no life. So guard your soul with your armor of christ.
By: Me " The old ancient Woman"

The bubble That builds Up

We all go through the motion, get lost in the high demands of life that may be at the end, don't identify us as who truly we are. Day after day, something builds up.  You start to feel the swirls in your life. The body starts to be different. Something within accumulating itself and you are questioning what it could be? The battle hasn't declared itself, yet.

The perception and understanding become the top of your mind right away. Asking yourself to wait, slow down and observe. It is the busyness and the hustle of life, We do go through the ups and downs. Taking it one step at a time. At the moment, you feel wrapped in chains of unknown exiles. Going through your day looking for a ray of hope and clarity. Trying to see the unseen, could it be? It is said by the work of the holy spirit within, you will be guided and can see the unseen. Or this is the higher level of divinity so, what is going on? Thatis the state of leaning hard on God and trust not in the world.

Walking the journey of faith is not about seeing everything clear. It is ambiguous that you are to the core, starting questioning God" What is going on?" Walking in a deep muddy thorny path, bearing the scars, claiming your existence in tears and pain. Iam still here, so what?

You are not the same, saying thank you to each hurt and pain as they help you wake up to see where you are and how bad you were so naive. The closest you get, the more truth will be revealed. Going the journey within, keep the person at a point of hope and a slight believe that the change has to happen within. Throw away all expectations. Waiting for something to happen, will lead you to more and more loss. Whatever happened has happened, yet the truth remains. Keep it up, don't let the bubble of anger, shift your sight to a point has no return. Hold on as nothing is worthy but your soul. Coming back to the root of everything. God Iam yours and you made me this we. I totally understand that You see me,  You hear me and I do deeply believe in this. The waves are too high, The walls are too thick, no matter Iam trying to stand, the battle is growing. Who am I? that's the point. Don't let the bubble builds up, where there is no place for return. By: ME" The Old Ancient Woman"

Proud to be A global Thinker

For sure many will receive my confession here as prideful, arrogant and can't stand to be in a place with me. No matter how you will take it, it doesn't matter. Since you become more aware of who you are and which direction my mind is being designed and prepared to this moment. Global thinker loves to work with abstract, big ideas and skills. A human for a global thinker is a human nothing more. A global thinker doesn't put labels on people, doesn't judge according to religion, faith, social status, color, race, ethnicity, and all other side labels that culture keeps putting on us till we are hoarded with so much  on our plate instead of looking at humans from the perspective of who they truly are.


Are they kind, compassionate, empathetic,  helpful, creative, talented, gifted, have character within, understanding, open to the other in a way that serves within the zone of their expertise? Each person is one thing or another. A global thinker can look at the bigger picture in the eye of the future. What humans need to be positive contributors within the life of the universe.


Another confirmation to the vision and reality, I found myself searching for the meaning of a global thinker on the internet and here comes:: Global thinkers will follow a top-down approach while doing a project. They will decide what they want to achieve or put across the project. They will then find ways and means to achieve it. Taking the risk, considering cost and benefit analysis rule. Answering the whys behind the steps are being taken. 


Understanding your functionality on a larger scale is so important to make meaning of what are you doing or not doing and why are you. You are focusing on the task, what has to be done, no matter who is with you in the room. Understanding the value of time and how much can be accomplished within this time frame. Yet, when the environment culture is more based on race, color, ethnicity, for sure that will stumble a global thinker to move forward or reaching their full potential. Since their identity is within who they are and what they can do and what can be accomplished on a large scale.  


Working within a mission-driven environment, declared mission, all on the boat serving the same purpose on the mission, respecting each one specialty, expertise, and input within the mission, drive global thinkers to be their best. Since they are mission-driven. Their eye on the mission and what is needed to accomplish it. If they accomplished a goal, here they are planning for the next one, that is how they are functioning. Having a culture that nature of personality is a big win for all. When moving from a local role into a global one it’s natural to look for opportunities to apply your previous knowledge and experience to the new environment. having Global mindset is a shift in thinking. Iam connected to the mission, not to a certain group, race, gender, color or whatever the local mindset is trying to mold us into. What has to be done is more important than I like this person or not." Global thinkers are relentlessly curious about what the world is like for others, devouring global businesses news and volunteering for opportunities to broaden their experience. ""ATD, review"


Resourcing ourselves is like drinking water is a must not an option. When we get isolated that, we are sure it is not the end. When systems and nations fall, they have to take time to calibrate. Looking at all factors around you, having a wide scope of data will pace your journey to a better understanding. Despite the obstacles and challenges, there is something to be taught, no one to be blamed. As Cultural intelligence mindset is not considered as an element to be added as IQ, QI, intellectual intelligence, Emotional Intelligence, 
 on the same importance cultural intelligence, we are all connected, we all meet each other in a way or another in life. 

No more limits, borders or fixed framework 

Women........ Man Up

I don't know as many times ideas come my way through everyday experiences and challenges. How many of us don't like maneuvering and mary goes round daily tactics in order to manipulate a situation or somebody? I totally understand this will sound really odd. Yet, in a tough world we live, to do your day, walk through your personal battles and trying to get the best of your presence within the day. For many life is a counted breath, so they know so well that every day is a precious gift from God so no need for any type of mary goes round tactics. As they deeply understand what they see in front of them so when they do something, they are fully aware why they are doing it, be yourself no matter what.


In a world that is filled with unhealthy patterns of thinking and belief where self-perception and emotions are the main control of the day. Layers of accumulated misperceptions, decision making and a reputation built up. In a moment when you realize that being you is more than what the world is trying to chain you with. In a world that is controlled by women emotional packages, blockages, if you don't go with the flow, so only the mercy of God will walk you through. Everything you do, say, or breath or even taking a breath in or out will be judged.

So, our day turns to be focused on how to beat out this of the flow. Testing the waters, going through lots of experiments and experiences, there come to the patterns and what follows is hard judgment, it won't end. So, you become the one who will do the CPR for herself. I hope you got what I mean. The black duck, the outsider or please go away shout behind your back. So, let's see what is going on here?

When we face two forces into our day and we become so driven by them, here conflict won't end. When the battle between the External locus of control where everything is out of my control and things happen to me and will keep happening to me, blaming, finger-pointing, shaming, being guilty, excuses, accusing, judging, gossiping, hating, angry , functioning in the world as  a victim and trying to take control or going through the mental game through the inferiority complex . So, to gain the battle you have to have a protagonist in the schema to be the focal point of the personal agenda. Somebody has to wear the robe of unwanted and keeping collecting or building the pieces of evidence that will support the schema and this is so clear in many work environments. Who will be thrown away and who will take place. On a minor level of any political upheaval when groups takedown systems, governments, leaderships, and people since they don't align with the hidden agendas. or like a coup, using influence, power, and authority to bring a certain agendas to reality. So we notice in this maneuvering tactics who doesn't fit, has to be outed. Using all mind games and looping in words, actions, and attitudes to kick the person out.

On the other side, we are faced with an internal locus of control, where you tell yourself Iam in control, it all comes back to me, Iam my choices, decisions, and Iam responsible for any detours, crisis happen in my life. Iam not influenced by the world package trying to push on me. Here lies more emotional stability, and the wise mind can do its job of thinking and respond when challenges come to a point don't make sense. How many of us are allowing their internal locus of control reign?

It's hard to go through life controlled by our emotions, it is draining, unhealthy and toxic in the long run. When it comes to working, it is all about what is the vision, goals, values, and aspiration. What do you want? Looking at each one as an individual value, and addition, a contribution, an expert in a specific area and be trusted in this area, no emotions there as it is business you are an added value to the complete picture as there are dizzellion competitors out there, so it is all about what makes you stand out as a community builder and contributor?

Here comes the importance of the work culture and what makes people love where they are. Treating each individual as a specialist, each is really good at something so invest in this spot of specialty.  No place for personal judgment or personal perceptions that lead us to a vicious cycle of devaluing one another. Here comes the role of work culture in building up their individuals as they do believe and trust in the value they add, yet when it comes again to reactions and emotional lead souls, balance in the place has no place. Instead of being at peace about what is in my hand, here emotions take over to stir endless tactics to get rid of the protagonist and flip the coin. Being subjective not objective brings no good especially with those choose to be who they are and be true to themselves.

When we are realistic about what we want, we may become honest with ourselves first then others, so women... Man up and don't be part of demolishing another woman, be part of lifting them up.  Emotions are getting us nowhere but losing one another for vain gains .... emotions trap us in our limitations ...Man up By: ME" The Old Ancient Woman"

Moments of Authentic Joy

Have you felt one day that you are walking in the dark? Losing the sense of joy within, questioning what is next? All you have to do is to keep moving. You have to do what you have to do. You have to stop thinking at this time and breathe, look at the spacious beauty in nature around. Listen to the flow of water from the water fountain. The stillness of the trees around. What beautiful scenery to focus on. Each time you give yourself the chance to realize such beauty, the more peace comes within.

It was one of my weekends, I had my plans, yet surprises happen, the meeting was canceled. And as a fixed planner, I haven't checked any updates so I headed to where the meeting will be, my mind is wandering and asking myself cool will you make it on time? Or anyway Iam here. When I arrived, facts came in my face. The meeting was canceled, checked the calendar and here yes it is true.

Walking around in the place and here next door I saw a group of ladies and children are around them. My curiosity led me to knock the door and say, " Hello! Iam Sarah, what is your gathering is about?" With a smile on her face, she replied, " we are here to dance." Aha, by the way, the group of cheerful peoples are from India' cultural community. Since my teenage, I am fascinated with Indian movies, songs and the way they dress. Beauty is reflected in each piece you are surrounded with, a spirit that no other way, you can't be sad or miserable with such happy hearts. Working with many from an Indian background, all they care about is service and family connection.

So, gently I asked her if I can attend and watch the performance. She went to talk with other ladies who I came to know later they are the dance instructor and the lead lady, then she came back right away and invited me to join them. She directed me where I can sit and from this moment I was surrounded with very humble cheerful wise hearts, from teenagers who came to sit next to me and explain what the performance is about and what they represent. Say it is a spiritual-cultural performance. So, it is deep and symbolic. Lots of articulated movements and suddenly a fact struck my mind. All the dance movements, work on brain integration, midline and how frontal cortex looks in real life and actions. That gave me why certain cultures are more self-aware, self regulate and balanced, they live in the centered balanced self. That is not an exaggeration, from a reflective analytical mindset, I discovered that I was meant to be present at this time, at this place with such a wonderful group of wise talented people. I called it a divine appointment. When God wants to reveal to you what a healthy relationship looks like. They didn't know me, I didn't know them so none of us were pretending to be something they are, no hypocrisy or deceit in the situation. It is really authentic and fluent. It came from a place of self-awareness who they are and what their vision and mission as a group, one body acting in unity and coherence. This moment Iam experience a really welcoming environment. From time to time, they stop and ask," How am I doing? And if I understand and like to be there?" We exchanged our information and I asked their permission if it is ok, if I write about the event? Absolutely, their generous spirit replied "Yes". I remember back then, Once I got home I reflected on my experience of true joy on a facebook post, short snapshot share. Yet I hadn't had the chance to write about it in my blog. And here Iam as I promised. Thank you www.Tana.org for having such wonderful committed, passionate team spirit who work in unity and the young are learning from the old with complete humility. I came back home, since then knowing that good people do exist. No power struggle, judgment, building one another, lifting one another, understand the power of unity. It was a very spiritual inspiration for me. Thank you for each one I met with that day. Blessings and grace upon you

When you are nobody.......

We all seek to be identified by a certain title, position, family, group, society or race. That is part of human nature, hard to deny. All the Psycho circuits revolve around such persistent urge to be identified. As if a human has no existence without all these identifications. That creates the inner conflicts and misconceptions about what do you want? Truly, what do you want? The inner battle many see themselves going within, to look like somebody, to connect with certain patterns like somebody, to measure your prestigious highly tower status with somebody. So, in many minds, there is this shadow of somebody to be like.

This persistent picture I get through my daily life right away triggers the stress hormones within which naturally induce cortisol that subsequently leads to lots and lot of chemical changes within you and change your neurophysiology.  The trap that many fall within. You can't see it till the tower collapse and everything around falls apart. Wake up what do you want? Again the same question strikes itself. What do you want?


Which may lead you to either more struggling, confusion of losing yourself within the illusion of the societal breakable untruthful images. Or we can call it the delusion of the mind that may drive a person into the untruthful journey, doesn't belong to the true you, walking, carrying multiple persons within. Oh! my goodness, this blows my mind.

What if you identify yourself as nobody, a dash, an empty page of unwritten story, a blank space to be created. That sounds a crazy little bit. For me no, Caging ourselves within the prideful image of the society in order to exist, millions don't fit in. Since by all means, the can't compete with the standardized societies. They are who they are and they know it. Defending themselves is a lost battle. As they by any means won't match with somebody. So the equation of somebody has no relation with them. They are not going to pretend to be somebody or imagine somebody. They accept themselves the way they are, "Nobody" no shape, no color. So the materialistic image doesn't fit with them. They have a whole complete different neuroception, connect them to a different realm is not identified by the societal complexity and they are happy to know what they want yet to come, it doesn't happen yet. By: ME" THe old ancient woman "

AHa! How cool is that!!!!

The point when you come to burn out mode. Foggy brain, too much is going on and doesn't make sense. Have you ever felt this way? The moment you realize that you have taken too much on you and ignoring these beating rhythms that telling you to stop and take a deep breath. You are a human being, not a robot machine. When our feet can't step one more step forward. Freezing mode, call it this way or the trauma after a turmoil or within the turmoil. Asking yourself, how I brought myself to this spot? Your voice is only echoing to you, no support and being left in the cold.

This is the time that is screaming at you to pay attention to you, witnessing how far you have neglected to take care of yourself. Losing ourselves for the common good, yes it can happen. Yet, when it happens in the wrong places and wrong environment you never fit in or measure up or feeling welcomed. This is called putting your life into suicidal mode by your own hand. That is the best way to put burn out mode in this frame of an image of aloneness within a crowd doesn't even see you.

You can exist around people, yet you don't belong or fit in, you fight your own battles on your own since you don't fit in the socioeconomic, racism, cultural mindset around. That talk about diversity, welcoming those who are different from them, welcoming. When you arrive at the gate, where there is a thorough screen test, background test, personality test, Psychological test to see if you fit in. Since, you won't pass as from the beginning as I said you are different, out of the box, the result will repeat itself, " DON" T FIT". You won't make it through the filter of undeclared standards, unspoken, uncompensated checklist. Let's face it environment and cultural aspects are common dominators now for any society dynamics.  we have to have a common goal, common interests, common mindset. So diversity only comes as a number and added color for the written policies and front page of Media. Publicity and when we dig deep there are millions of restrictions on divergence.

In any place we are not communicating academics, we are communicating beliefs, temperaments, past experiences, biases, prejudices, conflict of interest, being uncomfortable to speak out and stand for ourselves. We take advantage of other circumstances,   which are controlled by lots of negative biases, seeking fault and weaknesses.

It is a heavyweight or picture to walk through in the 21st century. The pride of self-esteem cut people off. So interesting to learn that self-esteem is the root of comparison which will lead to the point that those who don't fit are not good enough no matter their achievements or accomplishment. Strong self-esteem leave the person in the bondage of you don't measure up which leads the person into the deep depression, stuck and here our societal and cultural burdens lead people to either break free and watch the tower collapse before their eyes and start over away from all this dishonest identity of a person or giving up their lives.

Here we come to a question, Is our identity determined by the illusion of self-esteem, perfectionism, false beliefs which are the equation of all human crisis we face. Or our identity is already there even before we were born, God is the one who made our identity. Bring it to the light. when the picture is shady, mysterious and dishonest, we lose faith, hope, and trust. And here the world keeps beating the person asif humans are made to hammer each other if they are not comfortable with each other. That is like children aggression and not aware of the tragic outcome. Since the world of children is egocentric, here we find ourselves in the same frame egocentric and coating it with adult speech. Yet, the behind the scene game is still far away from what has to be done and face the reality of the baggage the societal cultural environmental biases has grown within and it is complex to navigate through each one of them unless you have the magic wand, which makes it more and more complicated as the fight will never end, do you see this with me?  All children will fight to have the magic wand and it breaks as a result. Then we come back to where we begin...... By: ME" The old ancient woman in the wilderness"

In the wilderness of nowhere

When this is going to end .... cool down, it won't end. Welcome to the world

A question that has no answer...

She knows that this is the day, no more back up or fear, she has to go through this. A year and about 3 months after her hand accident, the moment that changed her for ever. She no longer seeing the world as before, no trust or deep belief as she used to have. This open heart that once trusted now it is a million piece . Since then she decided to walk with more determination to fight for her life. The existence as a human being, created on God's image. She is walking this journey with assurance that God is with her, for her and gifted her with this breath she breathes every single day.

With all  the circumstances that insist on beating her down, ripping her soul of any hope, seeking fault in every word, action or even gesture she makes. To the point the environment is not lifting her up, the word hate is repeated, boring, don't like you, don't listen to you, all negative messages are thrown at her as if she is not a human being. Imagine how powerful the words are on us as humans. No matter you hear the question comes back: what all this about? Any way she has to move on. For the gift of life that has been freely given to us is more more worth to nurture it not to diminish it.

She collected her thoughts , this isn't the time to look at these negative messages to confuse and bring self doubt into your life. She started her early morning shower then meditation, walking in her imagination in the pasture of peace. The peace that can't be explained, seeing her worth in the eyes of God not humans. Starting the day with the belief, you will go through this. Take the step and don't think anymore of the same question what all this about?

She questions a lot. Her sight forever changes...... many times she asks herself" what does it mean to live a normal life? . She started to remind herself again ,please stop questioning at the right moment, move on..... to have an open mind, is eating her away. She has to tell herself stop. Move on since mystery is all around.... stories are built around her are enough to push her away at the borderline . Outsiders remain outsiders only because of who they are. So that is the status quo, hardly to change since the same pattern is being used over and over and results are guaranteed. Outsiders remain outsiders.



Now , she can see clear things she can't control. Now ,she only can control herself and walk in peace. Keep the leftover of her beingness alive. She continued her day going through the toughest point her nerve test, what has done is done, she can't see a point of knowing the result as what she care more about is a meaning of her life, she has no prejudice, biases or hate to anyone. Her eye only focused on a meaning for what is left in her life. If you have been one day at a point of nowhere, so welcome and don't give up , give it a try to search deep and understand who truly you are. It is a point in the ocean of life, from the crisp of a new leaf to the falling branches ,you have gone through each phase so keep moving on, don't look back , take a deep breath and say this too will pass, no matter the steep cliffs you pass .By: ME" the old ancient woman"

only by grace we are saved

Change

Once we think of the word change, or going through it, there is a wave of thoughts you go through. A wave mixed with wondering, remembering,  connecting, recalling or even certain scenarios play in front of your eyes that bring back certain sensations, thoughts, feelings, images that bring you to certain events or experiences happened before that formed an inhibitory pattern or patterns within you, the whole thing is playing in your head, yet your body developed also certain patterns of body language, gestures and facial expressions that protect you or defend you at these moments.



 Year after year, while we go through these situations or experiences and you realize that these patterns are not serving you anymore as they make you invisible, the runaway for avoidance and shutting down ,here the breath that has been given to you freely  from God is declaring its existence, screaming at you, asking you to stop killing yourself on daily basis by not standing strong in what Your creator has made you. The most hurtful thing you come to understand that we as human spices, due to the complexity of the hierarchy of the socioeconomic, political and racial marathon that we found ourself in with or without a choice, you have to face certain battles with or without a choice. And since you seek peace and avoid conflict, you find that conflict is the language of opposing interests and survival mechanism in the human world. The language that has been taught from generation to generation as to declare the power of certain group or race within our power and authority marathon in everyday life.


when you find yourself within this marathon, here your body will manufacture the responses to make the mammalian and reptilian brain survive. Here the humans turn to be the enemies of themselves as the language is used, doesn't benefit the human life span and thrive in a positive way. Your body infuses the chemicals that are being detected at the moment to help you survive in the heat of the moment, leaving you later with a huge amount of cell damage and inflammation. In the heat of the survival mood the body uses everything that is being impulsed within, year after year you witness these patterns, tunes, gestures, movements and you come to identify the outcomes when all of this reoccurring.  Persisting on not following such route of the destructive biological pattern of life. You have to stop and pause, and tune into yourself asking yourself one question," What is going on here? disconnect, observe, listen and pay attention, watch carefully your responses and what consequences result from these reactions and responses. You may realize that you are building upon such destructive biological mechanisms spontaneously as by time the build-up automatically within you and that makes the true you more and more invisible and these mechanisms become the new you, as a result to be part of that hierarchy socioeconomic, political racial marathon that will surprise you that it works only for the 1% of the world and keeping close the 7% that has authority over the rest who are nothing but fuel for the fire to keep the game on. What a pathetic chaotic mental picture could you have when you realize these facts, you will find yourself far from the original you.


Here you have to make a decision and a choice, who are you at this moment? Where are you? and if you want to be where you began to see where you are or there is another choice has to be made. Here the scary moment truly hit the floor that is the change that has to take place. At this moment millions freak out when they began to see how much damage has been done onto them and they fall into the trap of the black hole, no hope or way out as neurologically they become speechless, shut down as they can't find the right words, person or group of people who can trust and put their words out there ,fear ,stress, anxiety guilt and all negative sensations take hold of their existence and at this moment ,the world is surprised by the rising percentage of crime, suicide, unknown cause of accidents,  addiction, non-ethical actions, and dysfunctional lifestyle and millions of assumptions, accusations, blaming, finger-pointing and whole type of patterns of miscommunication, abuse, bullying and the true simple healthy picture of a well strong founded community fades away within the chaotic confusing picture that is presented through our reactions and responses in situations.

We, humans, turn to make stories and love building on these stories to keep us alive and feel our presence. Yet have we stopped and thought about the stories we tell, the assumptions we build on?  A big shout I want to declare, to say STOP please and tune in. Before making a decision and a choice, you have to realize the whys and the change needed to be done. Hold on, yes, there is darkness, yes there is damage, has been done, there is a new system has been built within you, you took on you so much. When you bought in the myth of within a community, society, groups you are within, and after a sufficient time of breaks, frustrations, disappointment, you realize that nothing around is really what it is, so stop and tune in, it is all within you first not all the noises around. You are the change you want to make not anyone else.


Whoever walks in your life, you have to keep at pace, no one walks into your life has the best interest in your life. So, understanding your limits and boundaries that is where you want the change to begin. Think why you want to do something in particular and if it is aligned to the true self that has been hidden under the hot sand of the hierarchical socioeconomically political racial useless marathon you find yourself in one day due to the natural dynamics of life stages and the journey we are within, so hold on and tune in.BY: ME" THe old ancient woman"

Reflections of a Soul

Reflections of a soul