It was the time

Sometimes you do your best to stand strong in the face of the storm. Hurting tunes and words penetrate through your heart like poisonous swords. As I mentioned before Christians are persecuted in so many areas of the world and this pain every christian carries especially the devoted ones. The ones not only seeing it as a historical time line but as a way of life to live for. Eye for eye, life for life. It is that deep bitterness, anger and unending line of tears.

The pain is deep, the hurt is ongoing and persecution became a daily routine that may occur even without thinking about it or planning for it, it becomes as a second nature to live. When this pain become a second nature, some start to see any person related to these hot spots as a chance to take revenge of what has been heard, read or watched through the Media. So as a new born Christian it is hard for them to accept me as Iam . No, their mind is set up on the pain and the hurt. Not fully accepted, welcomed or there is a true open heart for a person like me. Wherever I go everybody is stressed around me. You don't feel the peace or the smoothness of any routine around. So you start to carry your pain with you wherever you go.This the price you pay over and over and did you plan this one day? did you envision it? or anybody told you about the price you have to pay when you say Iam a christian and here my story? Nope, it is my journey through the valley of the shadow of death. I can't see the light yet.

You walk through your day, carrying your hurt and pain. Carrying the mark that you are Arab person, not trusted or fully accepted. Walking as a stranger among faces.. Walking with heavy steps that you know what the eyes, faces, minds and hearts say" You are a red spot" be careful, stranger danger and the joy of life is lost. Nothing to say but to walk with your pain and hurt even when hurtful conversations are directed to you. The price of being a different identity and life style. Carrying your pain and closing yourself in a dark place, everything you try to do, there is a slap in the face and doors are closed. As if the message is sent"Go away, we do not want you here?" No matter you do, what has been drawn about you, they do not want to change it. No matter what you say is ridiculed or being ignored.


Is this what I gave my life for? Is this how we plant an inviting approach for others to love who they are and be who they are without questioning or doubting or throwing swords into their hearts? Anger, bitterness are growing day by day. Less conversations as you no longer feel your existence around, people become like shadows for you. You don't want more talking. Machines come back to be your friend not humans as you are not a human anymore. You are unwanted creature wherever you go. What makes you keep moving and day after day the message is repeating itself, "Go away, we do not want you here." Storms never stop. It was the time when I detached myself from any feelings could exist. It was the time to walk without a hint to do what you have to do even the message is clear telling you" Go away........" That is the reality we live in when no direct communication or acceptance to people who exist on earth, people like me. Or maybe Iam totally wrong and there is something I don't understand or maybe Iam stubborn to insist that one day, one time one moment there will be a hope for a change.  

I don't want to keep going battling the same old patterns of pain and detours even I don't understand lots of things around me. I am trying to get up and stand and walk the day that is given freely from heaven to do something. Even washing dirty dishes or doing the stinky job as a friend said before. If this is all what is offered by the world, take it and keep moving. Pain won't end, hurt won't end this is the history and the history  is repeating itself over and over, no light till the sun rises.By: Manal Eweis The old ancient woman