Ok, for the seventh year Iam walking through the journey of the unknown. As a refugee was my start, with one suite case, moving from one place to another, carried by the grace of God, not understanding lots and lots of things around me, a very primitive approach shaped within an adult. A woman figure, by herself knocking doors , lost in her trauma , unaware of many things she explains. It is a world looks like being lost in a far end of a world of the unknown. Words can not express how it feels or how the world receives you, you go from mountain to mountain from time to time there are key words are given for you to walk through a new mystery to be solved.
The whole truth or facts won't be given to you, you have to explore and experience on your own. A world filled with suspicions, phobia, illusions from what is going on around the world. You may be stigmatized in a different way due to your ethnicity or status. We live in a world of too much negative around as if our value does not exist. Unfortunately if you are trying to present a new story a way of millions of stereotyped you will be marked " high risk" or" a house on fire" " watch out" " pay attention" or " red flag" or " High potential threat" so many labels can be put on you if you choose a different way of living as many stories through the history the worrier has to face the giants, giants of authorities, power and influence. It does not matter if you are a man or a woman, your destiny brings you to deep valleys some to knock you down, some to allow you to see life in a different way. All what matters is what is behind all of this. Sometimes I tell myself why the world even exist?
Like in ancients myths you have to fight with Gods of the world it is all about the upper hand over anything else. To see your self as a tiny grand of sand trying to find her way in such very mysterious world around her. Thinking of the multidimensional of a thing. Each network has vertices, edges and faces. Most of the journey you are dealing with faces, hardly to be in direct contact with edges that connect all the dimensions together to lead to the vertices, the top planner or checkmate. Each face either to bring you down, teach you a lesson or be a friend to walk with you no matter who you are. Yet, some faces do show up for specific task is meant either for good or bad. That is how you find yourself in the new world.
Counting your blessings in the midst of the journey, collecting stones from all shapes and sizes, stones of the lessons are being taught to you all the way. Nothing happen by accident. Racing within the unknown is not an easy journey. Can a woman survive trauma ? Can the world be part of healing or destruction? Can the mystery be solved and make life easier for her? by the end what is all of this about?
In the midst of each storm ray of hope shows up, something delightful happens, bringing you to be connected to the land that open its doors for me a a refugee to say you have a home now you are a citizen. Welcome home, you made it . having a home a land to belong to that is a new start of what you want to be within your new home, the breath of freedom of choice and face. Yet it is not only me my land open its door to, they open their doors for everyone even those who reminds me of my hurt and pain. Once I see anyone belongs to the past, the other side I lived in, I feel it all over my body. The pain , hurt and anger arouse to the surface again to remind me why I came here to this land at the first place. Flashbacks and a change of my state of mind occurs, trying to hold myself together and realize, Healing didn't happen yet, Iam not there yet, I say I forgive alot yet when it comes to real life, I realize I am not.
Day after dayIam telling myself Iam here now, Iam safe, no more fears, Iam no longer a personal property to anyone, Iam free Iam not afraid. Daily confirmation to stand on my solid ground Jesus Christ, giving myself as his servant and a daughter of the king of kings. Do words only sufficient or I want to do something more. The way I breathe, think and see the world around me. May when they come my way, God wants to tell me something , look at you, you made it so far a whole new person in Jesus Christ so don't be afraid , walk tall and strong even many things do not sound or look right.
Another question so why certain people come my way in the same same pattern and trying to constrain me, limit my life and why they act like that? Or think like that or do this or that ? They do not own me? Or because there are millions of Christians overseas being persecuted, am I being persecuted in a different way? This type of victimized mindset I don't want it. Even there is something does not feel right, I have to walk in the truth that Jesus set me free and not to destroy myself by thinking in this direction. Who accept me as I am, do not need and permission from anyone to accept me the way Iam. Who don't accept me, no matter who Iam or I do they won't accept me and I have no control over that. Who wants to see me in a certain way they will do whatever they could to confirm to the rest of the world this picture and I have no control over that either. Yes, there is good and bad in the world.Yes, there is always stereotyped of actions, stories, and behaviors. Yes there is a masking world what is seen is not the truth. Yes, we many times tend to be not honest toward each other due to different agendas and interests. Yet,I don't have to be part of all of that ,Iam who I am ,I get lost in my thoughts, I question everything.I analyse everything, I don't get anything in my life unless it is true, and proved its honesty. Yes I love to predict and do lots of psychs that is how my brain was created or I inherited this type of mind from my ancestors .Yes, I love exploring, experimenting and reading people and all this is a gift from God. He is showing me lots of great things how Mighty He is in creating us the way we are, Walking through His mysterious creation of making us all the way we are , is my greatest lesson to learn and be thankful for, diving within the deep of our complex mentalities even in the simplest things we do, Lord break me free to say it out and loud I am YOURS, by: Manal Eweis" The old Ancient Woman"
No comments:
Post a Comment