Wondering

so interesting how do we see everything around us differently from one year to another, from one phase to another. So strange, the same places I go or see most of the days, now look so different to me. Things I used to do, I wonder how this could happen one day. As a child taking everything in its raw form. No layers or multiple meanings, usage and interpretation. A big sigh for all the moments I couldn't stand my ground and say this is me and do not ever try to fix me. As you break me and it happened. Standing broken unable to do what I used to do or once I thought this is the way to live and be alive. A big sigh to this childish soul that once exist within me. Wondering why do I have to learn it the hard way to grow up. Jesus said to keep the heart of a child and here it is smashed into million pieces as this is not the true life or the true world we live in. 

 Standing on top of the hill, looking at the green wide meadows that reflect the endless horizon of God's free gift to us. Looking at the still water at a frigid temperature and only stillness comes back to you with such freezing wind to wake you up from the hardness of life. The world is wide, yet with our limitations as humans, we only see under our feet. Like an elephant despite its size, it can only see under its feet. Elephants wander together, depend on each other, may communicate loudly, yet not too much to accomplish. Being trapped in the physical limitations and fears of facing a fierce wild animal they couldn't fight back. Oh! Jesus why I always go back to the jungle culture and philosophy? Am I unable to see true humanity or my vision is confused and limited that I can not see farther than under my feet?



Walking with caution as the next sting is unpredictable, the next punch in the face I do not know who is going to do it. Walking with a step forward and ten steps back, as a tired fighter of the useless game. I am, not a wrestler so why? Walking unsure of the smiles, are they authentic are they true? My head is full of questions to wonder what all this is about? With everything, I do take responsibility for all the decisions I made. Limitations and ignorance can take your life to a deep fall unless you realize that. So scary to trust where you shouldn't, to step in where you shouldn't.  What is true and where you can live it and be just you, the true you where your humanity is not on a scale for sale?

The year is ending and I feel a completely different person. Unable to speak, yet what I see does not worth to say a word. Wondering what all this about and when we can live true to ourselves with no question of each one worth. Standing on solid ground that we all belong to THE ONLY ONE GOD, The ONE who gave you everything you need without any question or a plan to beat you down.


All the way long I turn to HIM, My creator, and my defense, HE made me the way I am so please honor that or move on and change your direction as it will be a detour with NO ENTRY sign on it.

God Thank you for creating all this beauty within. By: ME" The Old Ancient Woman"