2018 is almost done. With all its lessons nothing to say but, thank you. A big thank you. Whatever it brought, it was an eye-opening to so many realities. Who are you and how do you identify yourself within the present you live in. There is a big uncovering too many truths around. First, you only belong to God. What we see every day goes back to our own perspective of how we see it, interpret it and deal with it. In the real world, there is no true connection, we are all passengers heading to different destinations, yet there are moments we have to be in them together and what is happening in the brain, a sense of longing and scenarios about the destination you are heading to. So whatever responses, promises, decisions may occur during these moments, they are not real, they are meant to keep the flow of conversation and passing moments that sometimes we have no choice in them, we are exposed to them. Whatever you want to believe or take goes back to how mature and understanding the nature of these moments, so you won't get confused or frustrated after that. The train of life has no end as it ends when you say goodbye I am going home. The final destination where your life will unfold in plink of an eye to you and here you will reach the full truth of everything you have been through.
Understanding the journey save time and lives as well. Understanding may be costly or it can come within by the help of the holy spirit within you. When realities say things to break you down, crush you as again many perspectives are around, the enemy won't give up and will try everything to beat you down, that is his plan. He won't you have an easy life since you are chosen and brought with a price. yes, a price, sometimes it is a physical price and many times it is Godly price paid on the cross even when you didn't even exist. Your price was paid in advance. The true Jesus loved you so much that He gave his life so you may have a life. Jesus knew and understood the fierce battle was set up for us in advance to, Jesus had mercy and pity on his own people. Jesus knows the cruelty of unsaved soul and what can it do for his people. Jesus knew it so well. Here comes our own limited nature and understanding. The world voices are so loud that we are caught up in them. Do this as many do it, say this as may say it. that is the way it works. Loops of illusion and deceit in a vicious cycle of in vain battles only cost the joy of life. Battling these battles with a heart filled with longing to God's grace and favor may leave you more and weaker. The body has limits to take in. We are not a story written in a book. We are not an object that is being controlled by the cruelty of the world. We are not priceless. We are The King of kings and The Lord of lords possessions, crowned by His endless love that gives us every moment of breath. Have you thought about it what life means without a breath, a healthy breath? Being caught up within the loud voices of the world, one day you wake up and realize how short this breath is, sure it is the toughest moment you can live as you can not go back the same you were one day. Oh! Jesus thank you for your love to us, you do understand very well the cruelty of the world upon us and our lives.
Once you come to know where you are and how much you took in, you breathe his grace, not your own strength or the voices that were loud one day, gradually these voices fade, not loud anymore, you see how distant you became for this world. Walking the road of silence and a deep belief that you truly belong to The ONE who made you from the beginning. So true, the walk of silence allows you to see more clear, seeking His wisdom as He is The ONLY ONE who can walk you through this, understanding that you are more than story on the papers, knowing your worth and desires, walking with confidence and peace within that He is God who knows and sees so what else we can long for?
Waking up every morning, with a smile of thankfulness for He is enough, He is good and faithful. God what a joyful conversation I have every single day with you Abba, daddy, You caring love to me carries me through the unknown and that is where my heart is, so forgive me as my heart is so filled with God's love to me and every day I am giving my life to Him, He is trustworthy and never say something and means something else. My God is a straightforward God, His love never shaken or changed through the days. He is aware of each battle I face. He is aware of every scheme against me. It is all comes back to where your heart is? By: ME"The Old Ancient Woman"
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
Wondering
so interesting how do we see everything around us differently from one year to another, from one phase to another. So strange, the same places I go or see most of the days, now look so different to me. Things I used to do, I wonder how this could happen one day. As a child taking everything in its raw form. No layers or multiple meanings, usage and interpretation. A big sigh for all the moments I couldn't stand my ground and say this is me and do not ever try to fix me. As you break me and it happened. Standing broken unable to do what I used to do or once I thought this is the way to live and be alive. A big sigh to this childish soul that once exist within me. Wondering why do I have to learn it the hard way to grow up. Jesus said to keep the heart of a child and here it is smashed into million pieces as this is not the true life or the true world we live in.
Standing on top of the hill, looking at the green wide meadows that reflect the endless horizon of God's free gift to us. Looking at the still water at a frigid temperature and only stillness comes back to you with such freezing wind to wake you up from the hardness of life. The world is wide, yet with our limitations as humans, we only see under our feet. Like an elephant despite its size, it can only see under its feet. Elephants wander together, depend on each other, may communicate loudly, yet not too much to accomplish. Being trapped in the physical limitations and fears of facing a fierce wild animal they couldn't fight back. Oh! Jesus why I always go back to the jungle culture and philosophy? Am I unable to see true humanity or my vision is confused and limited that I can not see farther than under my feet?
Walking with caution as the next sting is unpredictable, the next punch in the face I do not know who is going to do it. Walking with a step forward and ten steps back, as a tired fighter of the useless game. I am, not a wrestler so why? Walking unsure of the smiles, are they authentic are they true? My head is full of questions to wonder what all this is about? With everything, I do take responsibility for all the decisions I made. Limitations and ignorance can take your life to a deep fall unless you realize that. So scary to trust where you shouldn't, to step in where you shouldn't. What is true and where you can live it and be just you, the true you where your humanity is not on a scale for sale?
The year is ending and I feel a completely different person. Unable to speak, yet what I see does not worth to say a word. Wondering what all this about and when we can live true to ourselves with no question of each one worth. Standing on solid ground that we all belong to THE ONLY ONE GOD, The ONE who gave you everything you need without any question or a plan to beat you down.
All the way long I turn to HIM, My creator, and my defense, HE made me the way I am so please honor that or move on and change your direction as it will be a detour with NO ENTRY sign on it.
God Thank you for creating all this beauty within. By: ME" The Old Ancient Woman"
Standing on top of the hill, looking at the green wide meadows that reflect the endless horizon of God's free gift to us. Looking at the still water at a frigid temperature and only stillness comes back to you with such freezing wind to wake you up from the hardness of life. The world is wide, yet with our limitations as humans, we only see under our feet. Like an elephant despite its size, it can only see under its feet. Elephants wander together, depend on each other, may communicate loudly, yet not too much to accomplish. Being trapped in the physical limitations and fears of facing a fierce wild animal they couldn't fight back. Oh! Jesus why I always go back to the jungle culture and philosophy? Am I unable to see true humanity or my vision is confused and limited that I can not see farther than under my feet?
Walking with caution as the next sting is unpredictable, the next punch in the face I do not know who is going to do it. Walking with a step forward and ten steps back, as a tired fighter of the useless game. I am, not a wrestler so why? Walking unsure of the smiles, are they authentic are they true? My head is full of questions to wonder what all this is about? With everything, I do take responsibility for all the decisions I made. Limitations and ignorance can take your life to a deep fall unless you realize that. So scary to trust where you shouldn't, to step in where you shouldn't. What is true and where you can live it and be just you, the true you where your humanity is not on a scale for sale?
The year is ending and I feel a completely different person. Unable to speak, yet what I see does not worth to say a word. Wondering what all this about and when we can live true to ourselves with no question of each one worth. Standing on solid ground that we all belong to THE ONLY ONE GOD, The ONE who gave you everything you need without any question or a plan to beat you down.
All the way long I turn to HIM, My creator, and my defense, HE made me the way I am so please honor that or move on and change your direction as it will be a detour with NO ENTRY sign on it.
God Thank you for creating all this beauty within. By: ME" The Old Ancient Woman"
Sunday, December 16, 2018
2018 Reflections
Wow, another year is almost about to say goodbye. With all its experiences, it showed me another window of life. Another year to reveal how far I walked and how much I learned. If I go back to rewind this year, the only thing and person I would rewind is myself. No blame but me, my ignorance took me into many experiences that one day I thought I will never go through them. Wondering God what do you want to teach me here. I am crushed to the point that it is hard for me to believe in anything I see or hear. It is hard for me to believe the same words over and over and expect different actions. When situations occur over and over and conversations occur over and over, why should I believe there will be a change this time or expecting different results? That is foolishness as my ignorance is so clear to anyone deals with me.
By ignorance, I mean that allowing the same conversations and promises that weren't and won't carry out year after year, so clear that the lesson is not taught yet. It repeats itself so I can learn the lesson. Walking alone may be the best choice till I have a clear picture what all this about. Walking alone teaches you that the only true relationship and promises that are made by God not humans. I learned a big lesson not to count on any words being said as they won't be carried out. It is the nature of the true tough world we live in. Many times I say, please don't say something and you know for sure, it won't be carried out. This widens the gaps more and more and more walls are being built. A wall that by the time it hard to be broken. So, train yourself not to count on any words you hear or being said. Move on and count your blessings. Collect all the stones to remind you of the lessons that came your way. Honor God in each step you take. The only one you will hold accountable before is God. He made you the way you are. So interesting when you remember all the valleys that I walked through and experiencing the same situations. The same message is repeating itself," you do not deserve this or that, and the same scenario of being invisible and not be considered as a human being. Controlled life no true freedom of choice. So interesting to find yourself going in a vicious loop and no way out. Coping with this vicious loop is like watching your fall with no strength to fight back.
Each year we are celebrating the birth of the savior while you witness your life as a prisoner of something you have no clue about. Calling out to God," Will you explain to me what all this about, I do not understand and I am tired? With wondering voice that has no answer or clarity what all this about and why me? Walking from valley to valley, shadows of racing unknown faces trying to hold me back with envy and unexplained hatred and inconsiderate messages. Hammering this weak soul until she is beaten and has no strength to fight back, like David calling upon your name, LORD why you left me in this vicious loop with no way out. Like Joseph has no clue why he was sold, mistreated and imprisoned and crushed. Like Job, even the flesh was not well, Like Daniel in the den of the lion. Like Ruth in a foreign land. God, do tell me so clear what do you want to teach me of all of this.
Stopping and doing nothing, taking a step back to understand, waiting at the shore to understand and see if the water is safe to cross. No more believing what I hear or see, only putting my trust in you LORD alone. Nothing is worthy if we are not honest with ourselves first. No sugar coating no hiding not to say the truth. LORD, you are the greatest mind of all. LORD, you are the Mighty and able God to change the situation for your glory OH! LORD. With my weary soul, I put my life again in Your hand LORD, let you will be done not mine. Search my heart Oh! lord and guide my steps and guide my heart. I have no clue what to do next or which way to go all I know that You will carry me through this , 2018 thank you for all the lessons you brought me to, as they all reflect the broken heart and the shorthand of hatred and impure hearts that trust only in the flesh, not God. God thank you for revealing to me many truths and keeping me in your hand. LORD waking in life with a question will you show me the way? By: ME" the old ancient Woman"
By ignorance, I mean that allowing the same conversations and promises that weren't and won't carry out year after year, so clear that the lesson is not taught yet. It repeats itself so I can learn the lesson. Walking alone may be the best choice till I have a clear picture what all this about. Walking alone teaches you that the only true relationship and promises that are made by God not humans. I learned a big lesson not to count on any words being said as they won't be carried out. It is the nature of the true tough world we live in. Many times I say, please don't say something and you know for sure, it won't be carried out. This widens the gaps more and more and more walls are being built. A wall that by the time it hard to be broken. So, train yourself not to count on any words you hear or being said. Move on and count your blessings. Collect all the stones to remind you of the lessons that came your way. Honor God in each step you take. The only one you will hold accountable before is God. He made you the way you are. So interesting when you remember all the valleys that I walked through and experiencing the same situations. The same message is repeating itself," you do not deserve this or that, and the same scenario of being invisible and not be considered as a human being. Controlled life no true freedom of choice. So interesting to find yourself going in a vicious loop and no way out. Coping with this vicious loop is like watching your fall with no strength to fight back.
Each year we are celebrating the birth of the savior while you witness your life as a prisoner of something you have no clue about. Calling out to God," Will you explain to me what all this about, I do not understand and I am tired? With wondering voice that has no answer or clarity what all this about and why me? Walking from valley to valley, shadows of racing unknown faces trying to hold me back with envy and unexplained hatred and inconsiderate messages. Hammering this weak soul until she is beaten and has no strength to fight back, like David calling upon your name, LORD why you left me in this vicious loop with no way out. Like Joseph has no clue why he was sold, mistreated and imprisoned and crushed. Like Job, even the flesh was not well, Like Daniel in the den of the lion. Like Ruth in a foreign land. God, do tell me so clear what do you want to teach me of all of this.
Stopping and doing nothing, taking a step back to understand, waiting at the shore to understand and see if the water is safe to cross. No more believing what I hear or see, only putting my trust in you LORD alone. Nothing is worthy if we are not honest with ourselves first. No sugar coating no hiding not to say the truth. LORD, you are the greatest mind of all. LORD, you are the Mighty and able God to change the situation for your glory OH! LORD. With my weary soul, I put my life again in Your hand LORD, let you will be done not mine. Search my heart Oh! lord and guide my steps and guide my heart. I have no clue what to do next or which way to go all I know that You will carry me through this , 2018 thank you for all the lessons you brought me to, as they all reflect the broken heart and the shorthand of hatred and impure hearts that trust only in the flesh, not God. God thank you for revealing to me many truths and keeping me in your hand. LORD waking in life with a question will you show me the way? By: ME" the old ancient Woman"
Wednesday, December 12, 2018
Fixing Our Hearts
Almost every year I am losing someone I have met in my journey in the battle of cancer. Each one of them left a mark on my road of life. Remembering their welcoming spirit and smiles, their words of encouragement for me to be strong and brave and learn new things. Yes, their impact on the lives of others that what will be remembered. In a world of dividedness and continuous struggle to snatch out of the hands whatever possible in a world that it is hard to believe the talk while actions show something else. In a world that is filled with conflicts over authority, power and money and who is in and who is out. We lose precious souls. They are the only ones who see the truth now. Maybe their spirit will still live and roam around us, yet, they are in heaven aware of the true meaning of this life.
We walk through life with all its bumps, we learn from those who insist on hurting us wondering what wrong you did or do to them. Some choose to walk with a heart filled with hate and prejudice no matter what that is how they see the world. I have to get what I want or no place for others or conflicts never end. Turning the gift of life into a piece of hell.
We learn from those who use us and see us as an object, not humans. Ignoring the fact that we are from ashes to ashes and from dust to dust. When compassion and kindness are taking advantage of, you have to skill office politics and walk between the lines or you will be crazy and not a human. In a world that is draining your cup and does not want to stop and think why all of these destructive and disruptive energies you question what is the worth of all of that and if life truly what is being delivered to you.
We stand our ground when we are rejected over and over and the cycle does not want to end. Wondering why the world is looking for deficit, lack, shortage and never been enough. In a world that is looking for stains to cover you with, to fill you with shame, belittling and outcast, I wonder who wants to live in a minute in a world like that. Oh! my God, each soul is carrying a heavy burden of shaming others, bullying, disrespect, humiliation, and unrested angry souls. Looking for conflicts each minute of the day.Oh! Jesus, I am sure that is not from you, the world absorbed the souls that it is hard to come to the core of our foundation THE ONE AND ONLY GOD. God, it is not about you, nope.
We survive in a world that is based on pragmatism. If you do so and so for me, I will do so and so in return till the business is done and then walk in the world like strangers. I got lost between what really true means? Or how you build your life upon. For me, I took Jesus literally. I don't mix the flesh with the spirit. Or by means I am a human as Jesus came to be tested, I am exposed for that too. One day I said and promised God I am your servant, now it reflects how hard it is. I am sliced every single day with judgment either physical or mentally. When you see every soul as God's given gift and understand when you are appreciating this gift that honors God and makes Him pleased with your perspective. It sounds like I am in my la La land and that is not how the world is functioning.
We come back to the vicious cycle that does not want to end, as what you can offer is not accepted, it is being judged to the deepest point. Seeking kindness, compassion and transparency are words in the books or commercials only. As they are tools to be used for particular targets that will serve the world agenda and scenarios. Forgive lord I am seeking hope in all things to understand, to reach a solid ground, not a shaken one. I am trying my best to understand why all such hate toward a person like me? Searching for the truth, all I sow is coming back to me in lashes, no mercy. I wonder why we choose to load our hearts with such humongous hate, prejudice, and racism when we are having the free will to choose to walk in God's acceptance for all of us all. LORD my soul is weary life is short and lots of things are happening all around us, why still we choose to hate? unanswered question till Jesus comes back again and each one of us run their own race. Jesus walk me through this I am weary It is hard to believe is such world we live in,by: ME The Old Ancient WOman"
We walk through life with all its bumps, we learn from those who insist on hurting us wondering what wrong you did or do to them. Some choose to walk with a heart filled with hate and prejudice no matter what that is how they see the world. I have to get what I want or no place for others or conflicts never end. Turning the gift of life into a piece of hell.
We learn from those who use us and see us as an object, not humans. Ignoring the fact that we are from ashes to ashes and from dust to dust. When compassion and kindness are taking advantage of, you have to skill office politics and walk between the lines or you will be crazy and not a human. In a world that is draining your cup and does not want to stop and think why all of these destructive and disruptive energies you question what is the worth of all of that and if life truly what is being delivered to you.
We stand our ground when we are rejected over and over and the cycle does not want to end. Wondering why the world is looking for deficit, lack, shortage and never been enough. In a world that is looking for stains to cover you with, to fill you with shame, belittling and outcast, I wonder who wants to live in a minute in a world like that. Oh! my God, each soul is carrying a heavy burden of shaming others, bullying, disrespect, humiliation, and unrested angry souls. Looking for conflicts each minute of the day.Oh! Jesus, I am sure that is not from you, the world absorbed the souls that it is hard to come to the core of our foundation THE ONE AND ONLY GOD. God, it is not about you, nope.
We survive in a world that is based on pragmatism. If you do so and so for me, I will do so and so in return till the business is done and then walk in the world like strangers. I got lost between what really true means? Or how you build your life upon. For me, I took Jesus literally. I don't mix the flesh with the spirit. Or by means I am a human as Jesus came to be tested, I am exposed for that too. One day I said and promised God I am your servant, now it reflects how hard it is. I am sliced every single day with judgment either physical or mentally. When you see every soul as God's given gift and understand when you are appreciating this gift that honors God and makes Him pleased with your perspective. It sounds like I am in my la La land and that is not how the world is functioning.
We come back to the vicious cycle that does not want to end, as what you can offer is not accepted, it is being judged to the deepest point. Seeking kindness, compassion and transparency are words in the books or commercials only. As they are tools to be used for particular targets that will serve the world agenda and scenarios. Forgive lord I am seeking hope in all things to understand, to reach a solid ground, not a shaken one. I am trying my best to understand why all such hate toward a person like me? Searching for the truth, all I sow is coming back to me in lashes, no mercy. I wonder why we choose to load our hearts with such humongous hate, prejudice, and racism when we are having the free will to choose to walk in God's acceptance for all of us all. LORD my soul is weary life is short and lots of things are happening all around us, why still we choose to hate? unanswered question till Jesus comes back again and each one of us run their own race. Jesus walk me through this I am weary It is hard to believe is such world we live in,by: ME The Old Ancient WOman"
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Rail Stop
Yes, sometimes we come to this point when we keep on hearing the tinkling go on and on, and here you are wondering should I put a step forward and move? Or, stop and keep this sound getting into my hear. Patterns of trapping my soul are keeping happening as if the tinkling sound is not happy with my movements in life. Being willing to see and understand the big picture and not being a prisoner of life anymore. How many of us questioned the meaning of their lives? And how many gave authorities to the outside to control the way you see yourself and the way you see the world around you? Unanswered questions as you are not counted as a human. You are not invited to real life. Delivering untrue picture about reality, causing that confusion and isolation far away from reality. How many of us witnessed how much have been wasted in the wrong places and not the right group. The more you are trying to scratch your way even with your difficulty of breath, here small windows are trying to show you what real life means.
Do not be sad or frustrated as situations reflect the true human nature we are surrounded with. Do you say I love you, I did not get it as your actions completely are saying something else. A stab at the back, holding me back to understand and learn what true life means. Life taught me hard lessons, not everything is being said is real or the full truth. We live in a very twisted world. Multi-layered of complexity. No one can deny that. If you would like to see the crust, you will not feel the suffering really well. I wish I have that sense of understanding the crust of life only. That would have saved me lots of troubles I had and still facing till the recent moment. I have never been satisfied with the crust. My hunger for learning and understanding put me in a real trail and my life on edge most of the time. No rest yet it became a source of discomfort for those who around me. What is seen is not the reality. There is a big scenario behind the scene.
No deny of the existence of the coalition within groups of societies, and the more the common interest has multiple elements, the more the success of coalition is . We are in a culture where individual stand out , not on the list. As it said if you don't have a specific group to be identified with, the community won't be able to admit your presence within life as you do not match the norm and can not be controlled or being used till the last drop of your life. No identity, no presence, using the the strong power of coalition impact, to silence any effort your trying to make, silencing your presence, silencing your existing, keeping track of your faults, waiting the chance for any fault you do and catch it, and bring this disappointment over and over on the table ,the discouragement card ,the success card. The key to bring you back to the point zero, the railstop and that tinkling sound to resay quit, run away, you are not wanted here, you do not belong here, waiting and waiting and the sound does not want to stop, closing all gates that may exist so your breath wil become more and more short, no strength, no life no existence and farewell.
Wait a minute is this God's plan or your worldly plan that is being used over the centuries to feel the power and sovereignty over certain race or particular mindset. I admit my mindset is not easy to deal with as my deal is with God who made me the way I am amd the way He meant for me to be. Wow How many times God said the final word. I am saying said as in my deep bottom of the heart He already did it and it is all about me to be willing to say Yes LORD with no speck of doubt I am yours. My joy comes from you. My joy rest in you. Over and over, the world is crushing me down and YOU LORD Alone reshaping me, recreating me within to say LORD Yes, Iam all yours. My cry out to you to bring the right people into my life , I totally believe LORD You created me for so much more than what the world keeping putting on my shoulders . It is hard for me to count the stones, I collect them to build my mountain that I will climb and see you face to face. Yes,LORD Iam Yours, Walking with you, gives me assurance that Your power is higher than anyother worldly power.
LORD lead me guide me , I have no clue which path I have to go, lots in my mind . By ME" The Old Ancient Woman "
Do not be sad or frustrated as situations reflect the true human nature we are surrounded with. Do you say I love you, I did not get it as your actions completely are saying something else. A stab at the back, holding me back to understand and learn what true life means. Life taught me hard lessons, not everything is being said is real or the full truth. We live in a very twisted world. Multi-layered of complexity. No one can deny that. If you would like to see the crust, you will not feel the suffering really well. I wish I have that sense of understanding the crust of life only. That would have saved me lots of troubles I had and still facing till the recent moment. I have never been satisfied with the crust. My hunger for learning and understanding put me in a real trail and my life on edge most of the time. No rest yet it became a source of discomfort for those who around me. What is seen is not the reality. There is a big scenario behind the scene.
No deny of the existence of the coalition within groups of societies, and the more the common interest has multiple elements, the more the success of coalition is . We are in a culture where individual stand out , not on the list. As it said if you don't have a specific group to be identified with, the community won't be able to admit your presence within life as you do not match the norm and can not be controlled or being used till the last drop of your life. No identity, no presence, using the the strong power of coalition impact, to silence any effort your trying to make, silencing your presence, silencing your existing, keeping track of your faults, waiting the chance for any fault you do and catch it, and bring this disappointment over and over on the table ,the discouragement card ,the success card. The key to bring you back to the point zero, the railstop and that tinkling sound to resay quit, run away, you are not wanted here, you do not belong here, waiting and waiting and the sound does not want to stop, closing all gates that may exist so your breath wil become more and more short, no strength, no life no existence and farewell.
Wait a minute is this God's plan or your worldly plan that is being used over the centuries to feel the power and sovereignty over certain race or particular mindset. I admit my mindset is not easy to deal with as my deal is with God who made me the way I am amd the way He meant for me to be. Wow How many times God said the final word. I am saying said as in my deep bottom of the heart He already did it and it is all about me to be willing to say Yes LORD with no speck of doubt I am yours. My joy comes from you. My joy rest in you. Over and over, the world is crushing me down and YOU LORD Alone reshaping me, recreating me within to say LORD Yes, Iam all yours. My cry out to you to bring the right people into my life , I totally believe LORD You created me for so much more than what the world keeping putting on my shoulders . It is hard for me to count the stones, I collect them to build my mountain that I will climb and see you face to face. Yes,LORD Iam Yours, Walking with you, gives me assurance that Your power is higher than anyother worldly power.
LORD lead me guide me , I have no clue which path I have to go, lots in my mind . By ME" The Old Ancient Woman "
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