Swinging

You may unable to see the little boy in the picture , he is almost 5 years old or maybe older, I don't know all I know is to share the moment I opened the curtains to see how the world look outside my closed windows. Living many years of isolation absolutely leaves its effect on you no matter you will try to ignore it. It is time of holidays, the following day after thanksgiving gatherings, after all the happy moments to embrace those who value you in their lives. To witness God's love and grace in the moment that make a difference upon you and recharge you with the warmth of its authenticity... after shared cool stories, laughs, quick chats and games you are trying to keep pace with them to understand, since i am not a game person, my life is a huge game itself, unconnected piece, shadows of hopes and dreams.

Looking at the world from my window my eyes captured this little boy swinging outside, it is cloudy, and the quietness after the party shows itself , looking at him and at a sudden I went in a moment I don't know how to describe it  , the sky covered everything and all I can see is this little boy swinging in the middle of the blue skies, everything around disappeared from the picture and here Iam recalling the status of my true life, swinging between the world of isolation that shaped its way through the years and coming back into the world with full presence to accept what had happened and accept who I am right now. scared of confronting the realities I escape everything into my own world and being ok that my world is virtual and that what I decided years ago, no true life within the world.

Then things happen and I say to myself no more separation and be present, be who you are without any expectations for anything to happen or even listening to the wild negative comments around that forced me to accept to dwell within my fears.

Swinging won't take you to any stable status, like floating nothing authentic or unique about this. A child is doing everything spontaneously, happy with his limitations according to his age, surroundings and the laws that are formed to him.  Yet what about you as an adult who passed many phases of lives many types , standards and experiences why you are putting everything behind and getting down with the voices that are calling to tear you apart to break you down as one person told me, I have to be broken down so others can rise and to be the lamb, this is not what God meant for us. He said in the scripture" You are wonderfully and fearfully made" "You are created in my image" That means alot, we are not in a status of swinging according to His word. We are factors that witness His greatness, and His amazing design within us, that is huge, that fact or that truth is a source of humongous energy that is put within us. We belong to Him , we are His marvelous creation, beautiful creation away from the physical desires that destroyed many nations and many souls. We are pure source of creating, inspiring, living a life on His standard of creating us all, no inferiors no superiors but His wonderful breath within each soul on earth, Try not to swing and live a life to witness His glorified work within you, That's my prayers In Jesus name,Manal Eweis

Way To Freedom (8)

This week I have received an invitation to attend Women retreat at my friend's church, the home that I got baptized and welcomed me when I was homeless, refuge and no ID. It has been 6 years now, life has changed alot and yet the invitation includes these lines:( Let every heart prepare Him room........this can only happen by tearing down walls of self and pride so that Christ can fill us with His comforting , enabling, strength sustaining and joy filled spirit...... and they will sing Christmas Carols.....).


 The first words that jumped into my mind  : Prepare... tearing down walls. self , pride , singing. God is this another message you are giving it to me again? As many hard times that I had and each time I keep on hiding and isolation and the more I hide the more strange things are happening so why being captive into my fears, negativity and the chains that keeps me captive so each time I decide to break these fears and captivity I remind myself of the promise to give my life to him in service and truly believe that He set me free . So each time the idea of praising Him publicly brings itself to me with each hard time in my struggle with my fears and I talk to myself you believe , you know he sets you free so why are you afraid and you give ears to the enemy to put you down that you are not good at anything, who do you think you're and here  I started to break these fears within the walls i live in ,I started to praise Him and outside I walk with chains and fears that  drag me down.

So I do live a dual mentality, the mentality of being free indoors and outdoors still I walk with the voice of captivity and that shape a heavy package into my days , months , years no change then I had the hardest time when I had three car accidents and realized again how life can end in a second and still Iam living in the captivity of fears and failure within me so is this how you are proving His presence in your life to allow circumstances to put you in a capsule and isolation till you become a vapor and no witness for His glory that he put breath into my life and created me not in vain. What are you going to do? and here the voice of praise Him came again , so I decided to tell the Choir director in our church to allow me to practice with them, I don't know if it is a true voice or like many other voices not true .The surprise she agreed and here I came to the conflict within me again who you are? why do you think you can do this , don't make fun of yourself so I came back to me cocoon again , watching how courageous everybody who is signing not me, I am a mess, yes, that is the inner voice within me, you are a mess.


Again reading God's word and feeling encouraged that Jesus came for this mess, He didn't come for the perfect , He knows we all fall short and many times we don't get it right and here He proves His presence within this mess. To break the walls of fears and feeling awful about myself and Iam almost getting to my 50's No way when you will be free of fears, disgrace, captivity of all the negative voice around? When you will be free to worship to serve whole hardheartedly and offering yourself for a better cause to praise Him to say it loud and walk with fully trust that He does set us free, no fears, saying it is easy , doing it that is the hardest part. Action speaks louder than words. Faith without deeds is death. To be alive proof that nothing can separate us from being a witness to His presence in the midst of our mess.

All this conversation is coming back and forth within my mind. Like a child is scared of getting into the water. Anxiety , phobia , stress, and the list goes on to cripple us within the world of darkness where we are even scared from the light. I love writing, illustrating, to think, problem solving, creativity is my continuous flame that never faint, many ideas without application , and no application means nothing , everything in the air. No one will be able to break all the walls i build around myself but Jesus , so bringing myself to His , raising my voice to praise Him , may allow me to understand which way He is calling me to..  Iam sure I am going within the mid age crisis in the way of searching for my life purpose , I don't want to waste more time not to understand what really he meant for me? Seeking guidance with no answers, It is me who has to understand her true self without fears.

Again the chance came when there is a call to serve and here Iam asking again if I can practice with the Choir and here the time doesn't fit ,and here again Iam asking God Iam trying to tear the walls of fear and yet it didn't happen and here my friend is sending an invitation to attend a tie to worship with a gathering of women ministry and here Iam one among a group of women who are raising their voice with praise , maybe this is how God wants me to do to be among not to lead , to be a small voice within so many other voices , maybe this is how it is for someone like me, wandering and questioning everything she does. Let your will be done not mine , in Jesus name.

  

Does Diversity Cause Adversity?

2016 a year of hope for change, a sustainable touchable change not promises in the air or vain efforts. No doubt each healthy establishment requires good leadership, wisdom, vision that is applicable. All that won't come all together at once or made by one person around the whole universe. It is a turning point on the small range and the wide one.

That is the main block for tangible elevating change in the right track. Avoiding the detours, yet, no journey without detours, loops , frustration or even disappointment. In the 21st century the more advanced the humanity becomes , the more each day becomes more tangled, not easy to see the layers between one scene. Humanity is built on mobility since Adam and Eve got to earth, man never stopped moving from one place to another, to keep life going with all is needed at the era of existence.


Many nations come together through neighboring, trade, faith, common interests, finding new land, expanding the limited horizon within a nation, either by travelling, or settlements, nothing has changed thousands years ago, there is still good neighborhood and hard ones..... nothing has changed except how further the two sides need or want from one another. This could happen in a peaceful way through agreements, treaties or relationships or connections socially or on the business level.

On the Global level now there are certain issues, causes and bonds that haven't changed alot yet what happened on the individual level, it has changed radically. Unfortunately that what reveals itself on the daily basis. The little tiny circles of interests and belongings. It is so tangled due to the race, color, identity , gender your affiliation and they way that the other side looks at you are you in or out? could you be of interest or not , what is your power , weaknesses and strength. It started to seem as if individuals are governed by individuals.

And no true leadership could arouse as there is no common grounds or either you are in or out that is the today equation. Diversity can enrich the whole body and sometimes it happens that diversity means adversity to some not all, if you don't possess the same mindset and can fit , sorry your life will be a hit after a hit, diversity here is not good for you, Saying the truth will put you more in trouble , being judged and labeled and no way out as with us or no where else.

Yes, individuals set the standards for other individuals to join in , if you don't fit that will be your life disaster, figure out how to survive. Hard to get to the core of the truth. Say it bad luck , say it you are not smart , say that it is your bad spirit that is tracing you wherever you go, say it is your ignorance and lack of knowledge or say the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time and you know when all these elements gather they shape the cloud that will cover you and make you invisible and if you are visible you will be the labeled one not the other...... accept it or no other way to go.... Yes, diversity causes adversity when your mindset does not fit.

With all what is happening on either scales lack of knowledge and leadership the authentic honest leadership, diversity will turn onto adversity.It is the modern life siege, maybe the media played a huge part on shaping mentalities around the world yet closed groups are formed on individual law formation to the group not the outsider. you have to find your group that match your mindset or no step froward, no advancement and be the one that God meant to be and that requires honest leadership , sincere guidance and transparency, do what you believe is right and keep moving , there will be a light by the end of the tunnel. Manal Eweis

   

Does Diversity Cause Adversity?

2016 a year of hope for change, a sustainable touchable change not promises in the air or vain efforts. No doubt each healthy establishment requires goo leadership, wisdom, vision that is applicable. All that won't come all together at once or made by one person around the whole universe. It is a turning point on the small range and the wide one.

That is the main block for tangible elevating change in the right track. Avoiding the detours, yet, no journey without detours, loops , frustration or even disappointment. In the 21st century the more advanced the humanity becomes , the more each day becomes more tangled, not easy to see the layers between one scene. Humanity is built on mobility since Adam and Eve got to earth, man never stopped moving from one place to another, to keep life going with all is needed at the era of existence.


Many nations come together through neighboring, trade, faith, common interests, finding new land, expanding the limited horizon within a nation, either by travelling, or settlements, nothing has changed thousands years ago, there is stil good neighborhood and hard ones..... nothing has changed except how further the two sides need or want from one another. This could happen in a peaceful way through agreements, treaties or relationships or connections socially or on the business level.

On the Global level now there are certain issues, causes and bonds that haven't changed alot yet what happened on the individual level, it has changed radically. Unfortunately that what reveals itself on the daily basis. The little tiny circles of interests and belongings. It is so tangled due to the race, color, identity , gender your affiliation and they way that the other side looks at you are you in or out? could you be of interest or not , what is your power , weaknesses and strength. It started to seem as if individuals are governed by individuals.

And no true leadership could arouse as there is no common grounds or either you are in or out that is the today equation. Diversity can enrich the whole body and sometimes it happens that diversity means adversity to some not all, if you don't possess the same mindset and can fit , sorry your life will be a hit after a hit, diversity here is not good for you, Saying the truth will put you more in trouble , being judged and labeled and no way out as with us or no where else.

Yes, individuals set the standards for other individuals to join in , if you don't fit that will be your life disaster, figure out how to survive. Hard to get to the core of the truth. Say it bad luck , say it you are not smart , say that it is your bad spirit that is tracing you wherever you go, say it is your ignorance and lack of knowledge or say the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time and you know when all these elements gather they shape the cloud that will cover you and make you invisible and if you are visible you will be the labeled one not the other...... accept it or no other way to go.... Yes, diversity causes adversity when your mindset does not fit.

With all what is happening on either scales lack of knowledge and leadership the authentic honest leadership, diversity will turn onto adversity.It is the modern life siege, maybe the media played a huge part on shaping mentalities around the world yet closed groups are formed on individual law formation to the group not the outsider. you have to find your group that match your mindset or no step froward, no advancement and be the one that God meant to be and that requires honest leadership , sincere guidance and transparency, do what you believe is right and keep moving , there will be a light by the end of the tunnel. Manal Eweis

   

Broken

I hope what I experience not only me who is learning that lesson in real live , with real interactions and situations. The word that come to me when I thought to write about what I have been experiencing in my journey of healing and putting my life into the right perspective fro the right angle of consciousness and understanding. I know I am not like before a fact i have to face and many things changed how I receive the world around me and I hope there is a different interpretation more than what i am learning, what made me call this piece of writing broken is this repetitive action from our kids in the class during playground time and it doesn't change from one child to another even there is one kid or 100 kids on the playground. All kids love biking so we have almost 4 bikes for them to use during outside time and there is one bike that let me learn more than what it looks like for each kid, for me it is a bike and it is functional , for all of them, they all see the same thing

I wish you could see what is wrong with this bike as each child can see, it is missing a screw in its seat. All gave it the same name" Broken" so they can not ride it or use it. The saw this missing part which doesn't affect the function of the seat or the bike. it is stable yet for them they see the flaw and judged the whole bike of being broken. So, day by day I started to connect the way the see the bike of our human nature who is ready right away to see the faut, the dysfunction and the brokenness in others and judge whole life upon this thing,

No wonder we are as adult see each other as this broken bike. We are focusing on what is wrong with the other, rather than the whole picture or what is needed to be done to help fix this brokenness. Hammering one another and the more hammers are used the more nails, screws are needed. You become an object to the hammer, only you feel the pain not the hammer. Only you start to believe that you are broken like this bike and can not be fixed or who care to fix a broken bike and there are many in a good state and are functioning more than this broken bike. You start to feel your dysfunction in the world you are in. Start to isolate yourself, no desire to be picked up and thrown away once your dysfunction is being discovered. You come to believe that you are of no use and being kept away from other good functioning bikes, each hand is trying to push you away from the way and not being as an obstacle in their way. Looking at your brokenness like this bike no one want to use it or see it still as a bike has a pedal and four wheels and the seat is ok .  Everyone love the new shiny good looking bike not the broken one. And yet, this is a bike, it is an object made by man and man can do millions of this bike as brand new, yet it needs effort and searching to make it functional again and yet why and the effort is worthless, a brand new bike will cost less than fixing a broken bike and hear what is broken is broken , no fix, turn your direction for so many other options around to pick from.

The market is filled with so many models and you can pick one if you want, even you can try many brand new till you get to the right deal . Yes, this is the market of goodies and yet the modern time is scaling the same value on objects to humans. Yes, we become goodies in the market to be in a display window and so easy to see our brokenness and focusing on our flaws that can not be fixed, we are looking to see the dysfunctional scenarios and judge a whole entire life upon that as if we become objects like the bike not humans who feel, think, make decisions , sometimes make mistakes , sometimes looking for others mistakes as if it is the game why we are here on earth and go in circles of endless dysfunctional broken structures within us and others without even giving the effort to yourself to remodel your structure of how God sees you and fix your eye on His guidance to fix you not the world. We bring our brokenness with us wherever we go as humans we are loaded with too much in life no need for more brokenness or hard stories to be added into our plate so turn around there are too many who had brand new life and a livable life much better than the broken ones. Looking to be fixed by humans will lead you to more and more frustrations and disappointment as I realized without turning it all to God He knows how, when and where it started and how and when to bring you back on track once again not as an object yet as a human who is able to accept her/ his brokenness and let God work on their lives .

Our brokenness is meant to redirect us to Him the beginner and the finisher, the Alpha and Omega He knows our flaws and faults, sins and each breath we take either a breath of relief or anger, rebellious or resentment , He made us and he understands how to bring His child back on track again. Trust in Him, the world will see only your brokenness, they will avoid you, ignore you and nothing will be clear before your eyes only God will help you to see through and lead you to His endless truth, He feels your hurt , your pain and everything you are going through so be sure that it is His will to fix your brokenness and bring everything new in His timing. Trust Him Trust Him and Him alone. By: Manal Eweis the old ancient woman