Comparing how I faced the past tribulation with anger and resentment and how I face the present tribulations by coming back to him asking him what He wants me to do . As he carries the price for my life and knew why he did that willingly , his love to me . Living each day in his endless love to me ,seeing him in each thing around me and rejoicing my heart by his name . I live my love story with Jesus with new understanding of my salvation . What does it mean to belong to him and how he makes you different from others . Despite my complicated life and each trial I face daily ,Jesus is helping me to carry on .
Yes, I did mistakes by trusting the wrong soil , minds and hearts .I admit it ,I own it . There were a price to be paid when I accept Jesus and invited him into my life and my ignorance of another price I have to pay to belong to his body . Yes , my ignorance and zero social emotional skills . To be thrown in the ocean of life , the outside life , the real world with my nativity and ignorance that took my away from all the academic life I lived before . life is not in the books or stories in movies or in between the sealed walls of protection and high influence . Life is not in the fashion shows or the more you have , the more you are to be . Life is not looking down on others because of the type of work they do or the way they wear. Life is not what was taken from you .Or what you are now and the world expectations of all negative actions they imagine you do ,due to your socioeconomically status .
How many stories had been told about me and how many trials I have to go through . Whatever happen , I ran to Jesus my fellow and my partner in each breath I take . Yes , I admit my mistakes of believing many lies about myself and allowed them to spread into my life that they affected the way I act and react .I own it and admit it .
June 2016 giving me a new chance to see the true me and seeking to be who I am not how others want to see me . The word I don't care really sounds so great. My mission is with Jesus to reflect his love , acceptance and kindness to us all . I don't know how others use my name and why , each have their own agenda that doesn't belong to me .And God won't allow any harm to happen unless He wants to teach me something and acknowledging His presence in my life over anything else .How beautiful the sense when you know who gives you life and who you are living for ? To show his kindness and not be stepped upon as many loves to do . To put me down this is not from Jesus .To frame me , that is not from Jesus . To reject me , Jesus accept us all and he is the only one who deserves to be followed .
So interesting when someone hurt me and saying sorry , I couldn't feel it as the harm has already been done and Iam carrying its consequences as I carry my cross through my journey with Jesus . Yes , sorry is meaningless to me , it doesn't weight anymore . The wound is still open . Jesus blood covers me all , feeling his pain on the cross for me . Feeling his compassion even on those who nailed him ,father forgive them for they don't know . For eight years now in tribulations , I forgot the professional side of me and who I used to be, believing that I don't know anything and Iam not capable of learning anything due to my ignorance and lack of confidence , Yes I allowed the devil to conquer my peace and here God care surpass any power on earth to put me down. Jesus is keeping to carry me and leading me to the truth .
How hard to feel the same situation as Judas betrayed Jesus for few rubies and how he felt how much the pain to understand what he did to Jesus .Yet , the example of others to condemn others without realizing what they actually doing ? that is our real life, it is hard to avoid this hurt as it happens ,each have their motives which all vain . I feel the pain of Christ knowing who betrayed him , yet he knew this is God's will that leads me , Jesus please will you allow me to understand your will for me through my pain? And why we waste each others lives in such schemes and stories .It affected my body and mind and here Jesus is holding my hand again not to be drawn into the dark hole of the world and trust in Him with all my heart , mind and soul that everything will work out for our good as He never breaks a promise .
June 2016 carrying my cross once again , knowing he is always there for me .
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