Our Heavenly Father

It is so normal on Father's day that most of us know what this means to them and how much it formed who they are in the present . How and what the word father brings into mind , heart and soul of a human being . So clear for those who witness through the years what a father - daughter relationship offer to life and a father-son relationship as well . And the crucial part for me " Father - daughter " relationship that made me have the desire to write a message for my True Heavenly Father who carry me till this moment , my cornerstone , my pillar , my all in all .



That is the picture that came to my mind while i witness how a father can impact his daughter's life when their relationship is build on the rock and our faith in Jesus Christ .


Dear Father ,

      In my physical life , earthly life I didn't have a present father for me after I was brought to life. Since i was a child i didn't have the chance to be close to a man figure all who came , came to show me something completely different to allow me to grow up believing that male figures are exist to put fear, harm and shame into a daughter's life. In each phase I had to pass in the past I had to carry my shame with me for being , a girl , then a woman .


A scary picture to have a male figure in my true real life, growing up with resistance , anger and rebellion. Growing up , knowing that storms come when I obey a male figure to be in my life, a whole life running from this fear and escaping each chance to make me see a different pattern of man figure in a woman's life. Not believing what I see can be true . Punishment , shame and fear that is the truth that I believed   . Years were eaten away through that trauma that left a deep pain in my soul to ask myself a question " why I am here on earth ?" If this is what has to be all my life about , abuse and misuse so what wrong with me? - One day I dreamed to have a dad , a protection , acceptance and nurturing and preparing me against the storms that may come from the outside , the opposite of what life already offered to me , keeping me questioning " what is wrong with me? why me ? and what is the true truth could be ? Leaving the anger that one day dragged me down into a dark deep hole ....... Numbing my feelings and going through the motion for years and  years , have no solid foundation neither socially nor emotionally .. Dear Heavenly father my anger at that time I put it all onto you , so I moved to ask where are you ? and why me ? why I deserve this and the more iam angry and resent , the more the life tighten its trauma onto me ? No end for sorrows , no end for trials , no end for making my heart , mind and soul tiring , consumed and no use at all . Falling into a break down , after a break down and trying to stand up again to pick myself and hiding my feelings into a stony wall , is built over the years.


The stony wall made the understanding and receiving the meaning of father - daughter relationship more far and abstract , till it is removed completely from my mind and heart . To see a man figure presence in life is like a job someone called man is doing it , not real , and doesn't make sense . Walking with my anger and resentment not knowing what this relationship means till I hit the bottom ground of no sense of male -female relationship does really mean . Turning myself into a working machine .When it comes to emotion , here fight or flight react comes naturally without a second thought .Fight or flight becomes the norm in my everyday life, narrowing my world for only what I am doing . I don't want to understand or know how this could be true . The concept had been formed and hard to be changed till you touched my life and present youself into my life. Shaken my grounds and nothing stayed the same any more .Taking me in a very hard Journey to teach me you words " Heavenly father" . " Our Heavenly Father" that strikes my mind with the idea our father not only a father to me ? From the begining you are there .You do exist and You are The father of the whole world , looking at Your divine creation for us all is teaching me what does it mean to be a father .


My Heavenly father , who carried me so far ,WHo is surrounding me by His grace ,who I ran to Him anytime I want . Who knows me, made me , accept me the way I am ,who cares for me ,who restores me when I get weary , who heals me when I am sick who provide for me in my time of need ,who is not ashamed of me for creating me the way I am , a woman . He made me so i can have a life to stand firm and strong to belong to Him who made the heavens and earth ,who is able to heal everything made by the flesh . To allow the Holy spirit to lead me and guide me into my heavenly father kingdom , knowing that He is my father who rejoices in me even when I lose my way ,He knows how to redirect me and give me strength , perseverance ,to carry on knowing to who I belong , Our Heavenly Father , what an honor to live for ...............