Falling in Love With Places

Can it happen ? You normally fall in love with someone  in particular or certain type of food or animals , and the really neat thing is to fall in love with places . Especially the place that you realized is shaping a piece of you . You start to see the place as a heavenly gift , given to you to live this connection that God created within us when He created Heaven and Earth for us . Love starts with belonging , feeling accepted and welcomed . Love starts when your eyes are open to the goodness that God put in place and reflected His passionate heart toward us and any way the place won't be this way unless you have the hearts that understand God desires for us on earth . For he loved us first and His love is reflected in each inch He created for us .

So , I am in love with my church , the place that witnessed a huge amount of my healing, the place that showed me what God is love mean . The place that reached out to me without bragging or humiliating me . The place that respected all my emotional breakdown and gently offered help for me . Gentleness and kindness , the fruits of the spirit is so obvious in the place.  I love being part of the place and this won't happen without the hands and feet of Jesus that reach out to me in a very loving cuddling way . Hearts filled with compassion and unconditional love of God .Thank you Jesus for holding me together .Thank you CUMC , the place that is helping me to know that I am loved , i am accepted and welcomed and i have a home to belong to .

Falling in Love With Places

Can it happen ? You normally fall in love with someone  in particular or certain type of food or animals , and the really neat thing is to fall in love with places . Especially the place that you realized is shaping a piece of you . You start to see the place as a heavenly gift , given to you to live this connection that God created within us when He created Heaven and Earth for us . Love starts with belonging , feeling accepted and welcomed . Love starts when your eyes are open to the goodness that God put in place and reflected His passionate heart toward us and any way the place won't be this way unless you have the hearts that understand God desires for us on earth . For he loved us first and His love is reflected in each inch He created for us .

So , I am in love with my church , the place that witnessed a huge amount of my healing, the place that showed me what God is love mean . The place that reached out to me without bragging or humiliating me . The place that respected all my emotional breakdown and gently offered help for me . Gentleness and kindness , the fruits of the spirit is so obvious in the place.  I love being part of the place and this won't happen without the hands and feet of Jesus that reach out to me in a very loving cuddling way . Hearts filled with compassion and unconditional love of God .Thank you Jesus for holding me together .Thank you CUMC , the place that is helping me to know that I am loved , i am accepted and welcomed and i have a home to belong to .

Our Heavenly Father

It is so normal on Father's day that most of us know what this means to them and how much it formed who they are in the present . How and what the word father brings into mind , heart and soul of a human being . So clear for those who witness through the years what a father - daughter relationship offer to life and a father-son relationship as well . And the crucial part for me " Father - daughter " relationship that made me have the desire to write a message for my True Heavenly Father who carry me till this moment , my cornerstone , my pillar , my all in all .



That is the picture that came to my mind while i witness how a father can impact his daughter's life when their relationship is build on the rock and our faith in Jesus Christ .


Dear Father ,

      In my physical life , earthly life I didn't have a present father for me after I was brought to life. Since i was a child i didn't have the chance to be close to a man figure all who came , came to show me something completely different to allow me to grow up believing that male figures are exist to put fear, harm and shame into a daughter's life. In each phase I had to pass in the past I had to carry my shame with me for being , a girl , then a woman .


A scary picture to have a male figure in my true real life, growing up with resistance , anger and rebellion. Growing up , knowing that storms come when I obey a male figure to be in my life, a whole life running from this fear and escaping each chance to make me see a different pattern of man figure in a woman's life. Not believing what I see can be true . Punishment , shame and fear that is the truth that I believed   . Years were eaten away through that trauma that left a deep pain in my soul to ask myself a question " why I am here on earth ?" If this is what has to be all my life about , abuse and misuse so what wrong with me? - One day I dreamed to have a dad , a protection , acceptance and nurturing and preparing me against the storms that may come from the outside , the opposite of what life already offered to me , keeping me questioning " what is wrong with me? why me ? and what is the true truth could be ? Leaving the anger that one day dragged me down into a dark deep hole ....... Numbing my feelings and going through the motion for years and  years , have no solid foundation neither socially nor emotionally .. Dear Heavenly father my anger at that time I put it all onto you , so I moved to ask where are you ? and why me ? why I deserve this and the more iam angry and resent , the more the life tighten its trauma onto me ? No end for sorrows , no end for trials , no end for making my heart , mind and soul tiring , consumed and no use at all . Falling into a break down , after a break down and trying to stand up again to pick myself and hiding my feelings into a stony wall , is built over the years.


The stony wall made the understanding and receiving the meaning of father - daughter relationship more far and abstract , till it is removed completely from my mind and heart . To see a man figure presence in life is like a job someone called man is doing it , not real , and doesn't make sense . Walking with my anger and resentment not knowing what this relationship means till I hit the bottom ground of no sense of male -female relationship does really mean . Turning myself into a working machine .When it comes to emotion , here fight or flight react comes naturally without a second thought .Fight or flight becomes the norm in my everyday life, narrowing my world for only what I am doing . I don't want to understand or know how this could be true . The concept had been formed and hard to be changed till you touched my life and present youself into my life. Shaken my grounds and nothing stayed the same any more .Taking me in a very hard Journey to teach me you words " Heavenly father" . " Our Heavenly Father" that strikes my mind with the idea our father not only a father to me ? From the begining you are there .You do exist and You are The father of the whole world , looking at Your divine creation for us all is teaching me what does it mean to be a father .


My Heavenly father , who carried me so far ,WHo is surrounding me by His grace ,who I ran to Him anytime I want . Who knows me, made me , accept me the way I am ,who cares for me ,who restores me when I get weary , who heals me when I am sick who provide for me in my time of need ,who is not ashamed of me for creating me the way I am , a woman . He made me so i can have a life to stand firm and strong to belong to Him who made the heavens and earth ,who is able to heal everything made by the flesh . To allow the Holy spirit to lead me and guide me into my heavenly father kingdom , knowing that He is my father who rejoices in me even when I lose my way ,He knows how to redirect me and give me strength , perseverance ,to carry on knowing to who I belong , Our Heavenly Father , what an honor to live for ...............

The Shift Steps in our path

Living within the victim spirit and keeping the post abuse effects to run your day , results in nothing but deep and more anger within you ,the world around you and block your sight to witness the shifts that God is doing in your healing process .We all need it to happen all at once ,or as we say " spoon fed" . You don't understand God's ways in dealing with your life after the trauma and the collapse of the world around you once happened . In the mind of post trauma survivor , the world doesn't function the way normal , regular healthy person is functioning in the world . The struggle with identity and doing what you used to do once . It never happen or come back again . Allowing yourself to live the struggle within yourself and the world around you .


More and more collapsing is happening in your life , lashing you down , trying to get up and yet you are struck by another powerful lash , and here you keep trying and trying till you feel the heaviness of your body before your mind and then your soul . Become that stone that is so angry to be moved or touched asking yourself ,If I am a stone like now why I sense ? Does stone have sense at all ? why pain and stones have no feeling or life or am I a different stone , a stone that can feel and breath yet doesn't know where to belong , on the earth or the shore or in top of a mountain or a lake ? Asking yourself , were these lashed trying to wake you up , to bring you back to sense and feel the life around you ? were you on agreement to keep dead stone and no life at all ?

All places , you have been rolling in turned you to the shape you are right now . asking yourself again , if I am a dead stone so why this profound sense of desire that there is something cslled life and you want understand it ? A dead stone doesn't think , feel and predict what is happening in such way that surprise the stone itself . There is a higher power that is calling you other than a dead stone , you are a creation of a Mighty God who never brings something dead to have life , you are the life of His Mighty breath and heart filled with all types of feelings to draw you into His path in a very hard rocking way to magnify His glorious name wit shifting your path into lands of the unknown and wandering and suffering to know His Mighty power over your life .

From ashes to ashes and from death to life , His the only one to be glorified . This realization doesn't occur at a sudden or over night . It is a process and you will not be able to reach this realization till you get hit to the bottom of your life . crushed , smashed and turned to ashes , so He can be glorified in your life which is given by Him . Your deafness disappear when you learn to put all the darkness behind and choose to listen to Him alone . To move away from all the false teachers , brothers and sisters and say ,God you made me and you are they only one who understands me and knows what is wrong with me , I am blind open my eyes for the truth I am weary , help me to endure , Iam clueless help me to understand .I call upon your mighty name with assurance that you hear me ,you understand me ,guide me to the right path . Help me to keep trusting in you . Yes , LORD I need you and You are my creator who knows my steps , who leads me to the paths that may help me to grow in trusting you or help me to trust even when I don't understand .Give it all back to you , You are the potter and I am the clay . Allowing yourself to listen to His voice and knowing that He is the only one who knows you , and leaving behind all the lashes that affect your vision and understanding on how to see yourself and the world around you , Only Him who is able to shift your path for more understanding and acceptance for who you are and how you see Him and how you see the world around you . Only by allowing Him to be No# 1 in your life , He is able to lead you to the right path , to bring the right people into your life who accept you the way you are , to walk with you the path of transformation and healing ,He is the only one who can do that , by giving it all back to Him ,He will guide you to th right path and open your eyes for many truths and here you have the choice in which way you want to follow for He knows our inner mind , heart and soul , He will help you go through this . In Jesus name 

where Are Your Thoughts ?

   " Finally , brothern , whatever things are true , whatever things are honest , whatever things are just , whatever things are pure , whatever things are lovely , whatever things are of good report , if there be anything virtue and if there be any praise , think on these things . Those things which ye have both learned , and received , and heard , and seen in me , do , and the God of peace shall be with you "
                                                Philippians 4:8-9


     we have been taken by so many thoughts around us . The world brings more negative than positive .That keep us to follow through God's plan for us in so many ways . Yes . Each day I make this decision to focus on what is God is whispering into my soul and mind and not allowing the negative forces to keep dragging me down . Day after day , there is a common pattern is keep repeating itself , those you invite into your life one day at a time of thirst for freedom .And  yet that was misused and brought me to the point where I am right now . Pouring out your mind as a principal of honesty , to a degree I spelled out all my inner thoughts and feelings and that is not God's plan for me .As I allowed myself to be in this web of a different type of control . I allowed the stories to be told on my behalf to control how others see me . And that separated me from feeling a true life around .

The force of control is searching each hope in my life and cut it down . Searching for each thought of my mind to keep me in the dark spot I find myself going in circles it over and over ,each week the controlling force is squeezing me to a degree to built this wall between the true hope I found in Jesus Christ . My body has changed , I look older , sadder than before as I can't finish my breath of hope . Building walls and blocking stones that seem no hope only through the path of the controlling forces are trying to do . Year after year the pattern is repeating and leaving me in my desert , fighting my fears . They know what are my weakest points and what brings fear into me life . Fights , abuse and rejection and disrespect , tools are being used for 5 years now and I keep allowing this negative force into my life . Trying to run away , No way out ,so I isolated myself as my relationship is only with who created me . His word is the light that keeps me moving .

Imagining myself the controlling forces are trying to make others see me , is not from God and that is not the way of Jesus .God is so straight , direct and honest in His word .His word is my golden reference to go back to all the time . His equation of a life that honor Him and give Him all the glory is the true force that has to be grounded in my mind and soul .

Fighting equal forces of power , made me drained and exhausted . holding tight to God's promises and He is my lord and savior as He keeps carrying me through the valley of the shadow of death .I choose to put my mind on Him . He is the Only One to trust , to bevel . God never meant to harm us and the world promised to trouble us as in each corner there is this force of the world that is trying to satisfy their greed, ambitions and blind understanding of what God's will for us meant to be .

Yes, these controlling forces will never stop their attempts to drag you into their destructive powers that destroyed many so far . I haven't witnessed a victorious story , it is all about abuse , and bringing others down ,it is this fearful dark side that is hidden behind fake promises and pretending to be friends or they love you . The pattern is repeating itself each year .To bring  you down that is the plan of controlling forces and only by the power of the name of Jesus all these delusions .  will faint away .

God's word is a straight forward and He is showing me the way and yet it is being cut in many times, yet I choose to proceed even if I'll keep running by myself .   The force that only promise you troubles and no settlement and wasting your life in manipulation and fake promises , this is not from God .His word is the sword that break the light from the darkness . Prayers for guidance and clarity and perseverance to keep moving in His way of love , trust and honesty  .


This past anger , reenactment in me that  triggers once I witness an abusive situation and true faces are being revealed . I go back directly to pray and cry out to Him and give thanks to reveal the truth for me . My journey is about freedom of faith and choice and that is my battle field and I choose to focus on what is from God .Our heavenly father and trusting Him He will lead my path and I lay my life down to Him to walk in peace , grace , faith and hope , no fears , no controlling no revenge . Some see that the way to bring justice for Jesus is to plot against those they think they are not Godly ,so they choose to be the Judge not God and this is not from Jesus .Some choose that in ordr to prove you are a christian you have to follow certain destination, others think you have to be condemned and then you'll be saved . For me this is not the way of Jesus . Some choose to use people in a very dramatic way to prove their faith and this is not the way of Jesus .

I choose to come back to the thoughts when I first invited Christ to be my lord and savior .He is my lord who brought this peace and joy once into my life and I choose to focus my mind on that .For His is the God of the widows and the fatherless . He is the father of the weak and the helpless . I choose to follow through His word as mentioned in the book of PHILIPPIANS 4:8-9 .

His paths are straight . He never manipulate or misuse us . God is the God of loving kindness . I refuse to believe the lies of the controlling forces that allow others to see me in a certain way . In the power of the name of Jesus I was set free . Choosing to focus on my Jesus who loves me , cares me and never condemn me . Who accepted me with all my brokenness and He is my healer , counselor and my guide. God my cry out to you to push away these forces and bring me to the place where my healing started ,the place that welcomed me unconditionally and accepted me , embraced me despite all the clouds around me . Allow me to dwell in your house of grace , hope and acceptance this is what I choose to focus my mind to . No turning back ...... No turning back ........ Jesus you are the one in control . For I am yours