With lots of curiosity, and wondering why? The big why? over the years, the question of free will is still persisting. Specifically for a woman who experienced the toughest mental battles, mastermind games, and the resettlement through life. The question is why her? and what are the hidden messages behind all these repetitive patterns? In times when mental-spiritual warfare is the right tool to be used to bring any woman down, the question about where God from all this? is and when humans will admit God's presence in others' lives still exists? Over decades the unquestionable injustice toward those who are seeking their freedom still repeating itself. Still, the community silence, and the cheer of celebrating somebody's pains repeat themselves. More questions start to rise, why? The freedom of choice is like committing more injustice to the collective all. while some are unquestionable about their choices, path, and whatever they do, still there are those who are persistently under the spotlight to surround them with the perfect storm, the confusion, and hurdles in the way. Still the accountability of social-emotional injustices do not exist in the formal way of justice. Still, human well-being only is a right for those who go with the norm. while choosing another path is like shaking the still water with all what may come. And still the question of what does it mean by free- will? Structure racism is the price that some have to pay, and struggle with without being able to address it publically, since freedom of speech is another red flag to be isolated, excluded, and being distant, and if you want to express your mind, you will be considered an outlier, outsider, and unable to understand why? why do things happen the way they are? Why pushing away thinking minds out of the rim of consciousness, and normal life?
Going through the journey of self discovery, may sounds to others so uncomfortable, starting to reframe your existence with so much hypothesis that add more to the social-emotional burden, and injustice to occur as the normal outcome of being on a different path than others. Since 2020, the world brought a very hard reality to receive, it reflected who is who? and the dark side of human nature of backing down the heaviness of who is in, and who is out? Life is a great gift from heaven, now humans assigned themselves to be owners of it. A great deviation from the truth to who we belong? Allowing myself to be open, direct ,and honest with myself more than others is my right to be. Competency brought the darkest side of humankind. You have to match the race, the color ,with gender, and zip code with the opportunities, and true process of progress, and outcomes. Being you ,and being what you want to do, that's hard to receive without lots of barriers and challenges in place. Your voice doesn't matter. I started to question what is the true purpose of doing something, and it has been rejected, and put aside? Coming to the point of burn- out, exhausted, and tired of repetitive patterns, and results in a life you don't understand why it is that way. Nothing to do but to keep on asking, exploring, and examining the inner conflict that leads to that state of no answer back.
Decisions are made behind the closed doors, no clarity, or understanding to the steps you want to take, and which pattern is going to reemerge causing the same results to occur. Coming back to the deep inner biases that shift the needles toward specific results. However, many things reflect themselves the way they are, and you find yourself choosing nothing but to move on, and walk away, no other way. Exhausting emotional burden that leads to sickness, and more isolation, and that is the hidden crime of new social justice. It is all in your head, that what echos back without any conformity to the true picture of what is going on. You can't investigate words, and manipulative actions in a world and do understand how to do it without a trace or evidence to be left behind. It is another tactic used to bring confidence, belief, and trust down. The voiceless, the broken, the damaged have bloomed to the surface of life, walking with a mind that there is no justice around. keeping asking the whys, and yet no answers are around......" By ME, "the ancient old woman."
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