When there is a breath, there is a life calling

It has been 43 years since my trauma started to build up. Absolutely back then the word Trauma was not even identified. Things happen to people and life goes on. An what has happened has happened. Or medicine and tools were not advanced or even no internet where the world becomes so small that you can search, dig deep and have day by day another piece of the puzzle to understand. That event was beyond all beliefs when I was 4 years old and got the first accident that sent me to the other world and by a miracle, I was saved, had new skin and new body and I was called the miracle girl.

Noone caught the consequences of that event on my neurophysiology. My pain wasn't explained as no diagnose to it and here the psychological battle started especially the more I get older. It is not cold, it is not a common diagnosis. Medications didn't work. Staying in bed for days. Days of pain and crying and being accused of acting out, not real, spoiled, rebellious, stubborn and more labels were added. It was and still this part of me that I couldn't understand back then.


More events followed and the struggle becomes part and parcel of my journey. Each day I doubted that I can be normal, with no pain and be happy, yet it doesn't happen. The pain took me out of normal life and feel normal among others. Years and years I thought Iam cursed and God hates me. As the old belief that God punishes us with sickness. I have had done something bad and God is mad at me so He cursed me with undiagnosed pain. Walking in the world with that heavy burden and feeling not alive and I don't belong to the world or I don't deserve to be alive that is how God is punishing me. So you walk with shame and guilt for the way you are and how you are in the world.

Every day I was given a breath, I become more determined and more persistent that I am alive and I can do things and be in the world. Getting through the maniac journey of trying to know exactly what is the name of your pain. It has to have a name, going from one doctor to another and all are assumptions and maybe or it has a name that is called stress or immune disorder so as a naive recipient of these expressions, I told myself there is no disease like this. I remember back days when some doctors say " you need to live in a utopia or unstressed environment". Yet how this could happen or what odes it mean nothing but giving me vitamins or certain medicine that makes me more different and still my pain doesn't want to go. Trying to defend myself that I didn't bring this unto me, yet not understood. Trying to hide and disappear from life, I lose connection with the world around me. Trying to connect, I feel I don't belong and there is a big bridge between me and others. So the Pschoemotional battle started to take deep roots in my daily life. And that didn't get me where I want to be. I lost a sense of normal life and iam hanging on survival. In an unbreakable bubble. I avoided all emotional pressures or gatherings or talking about the negative scenario that persists in my daily life. It is an inner battle, what is seen is iceberg, the top of it, everything is ok.


Lack of understanding about chronic pain leads societies to condemn and judge those who are struggling within. Many give up, others become victims to the negative consequences of so many bad choices and decline of quality of life. Some choose not to surrender to either and start their own personal journey of discovering what this all about. It is a journey of self-commitment and hard work to understand why their bodies interact in such a way? Getting to the root of the Neurophysiology of themselves and how the environment can change our gene expression, being over adapted and stuck in patterns that no more serve us on the healing journey. It is a long journey and deep as well. Our bodies are not flawed, our bodies require deeper understanding and willingness to learn, unlearn and having the right tools to put them into action and believe, as long as you have a breath, there is life calling your name and it is a unique life that witness in each scar there is a flame of hope is being rebirthed.  Despite it seems so limited life in your understanding, there is more to come to put you in peace with the journey and use your mess as your message. Hold on and keep learning and understanding and be your pain friend, show it compassion, let it know that you are not angry or ashamed of it anymore and you want this commitment to walk together and help one another to overcome that high peak curve of growth and mutual respect. we humans are so miraculously made that our cells can be regenerated if we have the right tools and the right support system around you and understanding the red flags that keep your pain in alert and move away from them, be your own self-advocate and belief that God sees you and loves you the way you are. Honor the pain, honor the journey and have hope

Can Anybody Hear???????????????

Who agrees that early development shapes the brain. Separating the mind and body is like having a glass of water with no water. Or Isolation, emotional stressors are the formula for any degenerating illness and diseases.  Stress generates 32 hormones that metabolize in the body, That turns into neurotransmitters that affect how the brain works , subsequently how the body function, We, humans, are the big resource of social experiments.  Classified as top and bottom and end results of both. The top is hard to get sick, the bottom, sickness is a natural outcome. So, we are assigned as chess pieces, woody and immobilized unless the outer force moves us.

Since, we adults are more responsible for shaping the minds of the little one, hence wherever you stand is going to pass to them, psychologically, socially, and culturally. And this formula produces the biological change in them and that is a huge impact. Separating the mind from the body doesn't work. If we see symptoms which are behaviors and ignoring the causes. So adopting the psychological modality to modify and label individual traits, doesn't give you a true solution. They represent temporary solutions as controlling behavior results in building stressed children and more future defensive, resistant, bullying,  loaded with hundreds of disorders and as a result more liable to irresponsible life choice  and more problems with law enforcement, community instability, bad economic status, heart attacks, obese, diabetics, cancer   and human disaster with medication and psychosis.

Imagine, we as societies and communities are attached to approached that sickened human being only because they are familiar, easy to be funded and controlled. Shifting the perspective to the biopsychosocial model, Neurobiological model we connect mind and body and its attachment to the environment which reflects in the social interactions and relationships. 

Since we still choose to look at children from our own ego and authoritative approach, we are repeating the same stereotypes of the present generation. What you are ignoring is the biological changes occur when children's needs are not met. We are not seeing them as human beings, we put on them our social expectations and our ego of control. We are ignoring the role of secure attachment and attunement. We are ignoring gender biological differences, we ignore their developmental features due to the separation and disconnection of understanding. Seeing them as human beings and what their needs to grow and feel safe and secure within the environment that results in good learning outcomes as natural consequences.


We are ignoring that children's behavior is a result of the inability to express their needs in words, they still developing the emotional brain, still in the reactive response, their, sympathetic nervous system and  dorsal vagal system is more active and here we see the peer attachment as an interactive result of their frustration, anger, upset and what we choose is to suppress these emotions not giving them the language to process these emotions ,we punish, control and use our authoritative patterns to suppress the learning modality and here we deal with symptoms and label each child and ignoring the real causes . We don't look at a comprehensive level in the child environment, culture, social, and psychological factors that change the biology of the child acting from the paleo limbic brain resulting in generating hurting generation who inherit unresolved issues from the adults around them, more disassociative and aggressive generation. We don't consider changing ourselves in order to pass positive secure attachment and safety that leads naturally to the excellent learning outcomes. From 0-7 that is the shaping of what to come. Children adapt to the environment they are in, so changing the environment may result in changing the outcome. So how we can grow children who are confident about who they are and still their being is not conflicting with the adult agendas,

when can we educate ourselves and others in a place of rest not striving to create secure attachments and informative care? How can we do separateness without losing togetherness, and togetherness without losing separateness, adding the piece of neurophysiology to the social engagement modality, may bring the joy and peace we are seeking to reach in our life. Creating a more healthy and self-aware, resilient generation.


We, adults, have to look back to our selves first, asking what we are trying to control? What underneath issues, unresolved yet? How were your relationships in your childhood that unconsciously are shown in your adulthood and affecting your relationship with children? Whatever pattern of attachments you had in your childhood, they control how you react to your environment and wounding your social interactions and mental health, research is still going to reach solutions on how to create sustainable, safe environment and communities that heals not to re-wounding them. Secure attachments help human beings to adapt in a wounded environment. Change yourself first before dumping your hurt on young ones.

Walking---- Talking----- Freeze

In each one of us, there is a meaning of existence. There is a purpose for our being. As we learned and read that God has a plan for you. Sorry to say, it is not. God has a purpose for us. I made you the way you are for....... and if we are caught in the chaotic complex multi-layer of deceit in life, we go astray of our purpose that what God allowed us to be in this life.

So, interesting when you get into the highs and lows in your journey, you become aware of the battle between the free will that has given to us from God and the controlling power of this free will around you in the world. And here comes the voices that direct both sides. I imagine it you facing two beasts and nothing around you but the beasts and confronting your fears, threats, and instability. If this is the way it is what do you think about how your status of existence reacts in such a scenario that goes on and on and don't stop?


Some choose to play dead, so the beasts will go away as nothing to prove the striving of power here. The hunger to win, control and manipulate. The zone of the animal mind that let empathy vanish and disappear from the scene. The body controls the mind by intimidation, force and manipulation, life becomes so toxic in this zone. Living with chronic pain no way out what is awaiting in this zone for any targeted individuals nothing but death. The dark side of the animal mind, the survival of the fittest. And unfortunately millions and millions in this world live in this zone. Facing the reality we live in, acknowledge which zone you are in and freeze.



Some choose to play the game and imitate the other side, denying themselves for the sake of the end goal of the game, control, power, authority and winning over anything else. Starting the journey of having no emotions or feelings as these are the zones of getting somebody off guard and destruction of a person. Life turns to be the game of gaining power, authority, and triumph over the unwanted no matter if it is right or wrong. Feeding the beast that what drives the pleasure center within. Unfortunately, this game has no loud voices as the famous work of control is active. Strike by surprise.  when this pattern is proven to you year after year then the watcher will realize that they are in real mental warfare. Witnessing or living mental warfare is the most dangerous weapon is used against humans. Its impact is a more powerful tool as it the cold war if the real weapon can not control a being so mind control or mind destruction is the best way to go. Another zone of toxic, deadly end of life. A life with a price and costing your breath. The players have never been addressed or justice takes place, the silent assassination of the being. The narcissistic pattern of existence, and unfortunately millions and millions do exist, so face it and freeze.


Some have no choice at all or being aware of the presence of a free will, so they become the food to the beasts, waiting to be fed, dressed, told what to do and what not to do, no questions, no complaints, no cry. Tamed animals within restricted zones, known marked zones. The beasts studied them so well, understood their characteristics and how to spot them and what function they play in this cycle of life. Many walk by them and can't approach them as they know the belong to the beasts. And who wants to face the beast? So, silence comes naturally and no talk is allowed only eyes watching. The autonomous cycle of a glassy dome and semi humans is within. It is a resistant unbreakable glass, no one can go through it or break through it.  Where the beat turns into lamb till gets control then be the beast again to manipulate and play the semi-human out. Ignorance is the main choice of a target.  Vulnerability is another characteristic so you watch another cycle of dehumanization of the being. So planned, well organized and hard to break through it.  Face it and freeze.


I wish you could see the picture with me from a point of the unsafe and unhealthy scope of patterns of life we witness on the daily basis and each one thinks they are smarter than the other by being the animal mind collaborating with the beasts to survive and strive. There is no sense of wrong or right here as no empathy, kindness or true love in this world. The world that is controlled by the survival of the fittest has no good promises to true life, a better life as all of this comes with a price.

Washing all this away and observe that everything will come to an end. When we realize that the beasts promise nothing but death no life. So guard your soul with your armor of christ.
By: Me " The old ancient Woman"