The Heaviness Within

 None of us choose where they were born or how? None of us can decide what to do on their first day, we were born, Who would be the family, the environment, the country, the place you would spend your time growing and being exposed to what we call life, a life of a kind, with a mark or without, no choice. I love the words that normally are repeated on each Christian tongue, we are children of God, you are a child of God. Good words, nice words, day by day it depends on the type of life you will grow within, these words would reflect a certain message to you. Maybe joy, maybe confidence, maybe pride, or maybe separation, confusion, questioning, and disassociation or even numbness of every speck of emotions within. I got you, I understand you, no wonder, take a breath and let's move on...


First of all these words are not easy to be said or taken for granted. When we look closely at the most powerful word is being mentioned here." GOD". The word that shakes heavens and earth, the word that makes each piece of you tremble for He is POWER. The fear within comes naturally, OH! GOD, how can I use YOUR name like many other names? How come I repeat YOUR name like the norm or routines done through my day? What am I missing here? Whole a lot, Yes, whole a lot of a profound understanding of the value of using YOUR name GOD into my day.


Witnessing the heaviness within a young child doesn't have the words to interpret what they are going through or what the society put on them, welcome to by nature trauma inheritance, imagine, you didn't have a choice in anything around you and here you have to take it, live it and don't know how to do with it or deal with it. Here comes the conscience of a society that is dead within due to the natural inheritance of trauma they received a long time ago and passing it to the next generation. The heaviness of the pain smells, you can sense it from afar, here pain dwells with bitterness and no way out. a body that is shaped with whatever thrown unto them. Helplessness, sadness within, yet you are still able to eat, drink, walk, talk and live. Yet, what kind of life you are living? what do you think will happen next? Do you see a different life? and how is it? Will it make the natural inheritance of trauma extend to the next ones or it has to come to stop?


Yet being helpless, unable, unaware, ignorant, blind to see who has to take the step for the change. I hear your heavy breath, I see your conflicts within, I understand you have to survive, do the day, don't think now or maybe not thinking at all. Ass thinking will bring and recall more and more pain.  Living in a community not feeling safe, wondering what will happen next or will it come to an end? Living the cultural norm that put hundreds of labels upon you, and dealing with you with everybody else sin, so your heaviness is way far beyond your comprehension. To dream is not something you can fantasize about or believe in. Day by day you grow and dreaming of change. Looking at everyone in a certain way, the culture complex made you that way, your body developed a language of its own. The body keeps the score of every single experience you have been through. Putting the mask of being well, or angry or mad or even not here at all. All are defense mechanisms you develop for your life to go on.

The cycle goes on and on and on till someone has to stop it dramatically of realizing the true calling, meaning that made you go through all of this. This is not an easy destiny or fate. It is all about who you surround yourself with. all these thoughts came while I am reading a very powerful reference, a book is written by DR.Henry Cloud," The Power Of The Other". Everything is a result of which corner of life you are in. Corner number one: Disconnected, No connection even you are surrounded by many, yet you are cut off or hard to get along with others this you live in isolation which is a bad corner to live in. You are stuck. Corner number two: The bad connection: which is all about bad relationships, the biggest trauma happened in corner two, abuse, neglect, crime, aggression, putting others down, controlling, dehumanize people guilt, not good enough, not worthy, anxiety, depression, inferiority, lack of support, deceiving, misleading ,bad use of people . For me corner two that what you witness or live every single day when your choices or repeating being surrounded by people make you feel this way that will lead to all challenges we are facing right now, separations, chronic diseases, unresolved crimes, it all accumulate in epigenetics and the change of our genes expressions that lead to escalation of trauma ,even neuroscience hasn't reached to a conclusion why that will keep occurring and relived in selective communities. For me, corner number two is the biggest internal crime is committed toward children of God who do we traumatize and humanize? children of GOD pay attention to that lineage human brain activity toward one another. That is so scary and dangerous.

Corner number three: The Pseudo- Good Connection, the fun party, let's have some fun, it feels good at the time, yet it will leave you back to the same life you are living in, seeking fun without getting to the root of the problem will leave the elephant in the room. That what we call fake connections, no real connection as they only seek the surficial pattern of life happy, yet the real you doesn't exist. still, you are left alone and isolated. They don't really cure the disease, you are still sick, they just ease the pain with fake positivity, no real life there or real humans. They don't want to dig deep with you to find the true you and help you to grow, by means wrong signals to the brain. The seductively false connections. Corner four: True connection: the essence of what makes life work. How to get the essential supplies that make life work. they do not enter without your permission." where you can be your real self, real authentic you, a real relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind, and soul, and passion. Both parties to the relationship are wholly present, known, understood, and mutually invested. What each truly thinks, feels, believes, fears, and needs can be shared safely." As Dr.Henry Cloud mentioned in his book.


How many of us have to go to a very stormy ocean finding themselves over and over surrounded by corner one, two and three, the roundabout of stuck life. Each experience is proof of such an invaluable book about the power of the other. You may take ownership, responsibility, initiatives, step one, yet who is around you will determine the outcome, no matter efforts you try to put in or invest in. Who is around you will predict how your day will go, week, mother or even your life. Start looking who is around you and which corner they bring you to? Is it isolation, anxiety, condemnation, guilt or they truly believe and honor you are a child of God worthy of every chance to bring dignity, self esteem, self worth, your value into the light, glorifying and honoring God in each word they use to call you by name and walk with you till you are what God meant for you to be, use your internal compass to guide you to find corner four the true connection no shame no guilt, no control or condemnation . We rise stronger when we believe in the power of each other and what difference we can make in this life together, we either rise together or fall apart and being in corner one and two ,and don't either blind your eye and live within fake positivity that is not willing to dig for the truth, be aware of life a roundabout and seek wisdom, guidance from GOD to walk you through the path of true life connection. Miracles can happen if we put all our trust in Him, seek and you will find, be a builder, not a diminisher, life is short, believe it or not, the heaviness within that what we live.... so move on and do something, don't wait so long, life is short. By: ME" The Old ancient woman"