What a thought that keep repeating at the back of my brain, mind and soul? A deep wondering voice questioning what is all this about? I came from roots that belong to descendants their history go back to Ottoman family, King Abdul-Hamid .... roots that extended to Saudi Arabia, Syria and Egypt. Let's say roots that were aligned with power and conquering new region to continue the supremacy of a kingdom that always reigned by force, and battles. Generation after generation we were reminded by this history to keep reminding you of your roots and how you have to be.
The land is not an issue as they have plenty of it, big complicated mixed traditions are passing on. And the conflicts never stop. The world changed and the supremacy turned to be on the range of the family name, small empires started to form themselves within the communities they were and are in. Generation after generation started to shape their own rules and way of life . Like in old testament it is the life of plenty mixed with its own contradictions and ambiguity of what all this about. Fancy parties, expensive weddings, competition over power and it is ok to have many wives.
I felt this is not me, a rebellious spirit started to shape within me. Fancy things were not my attractions while they we with other girls, women in the family. When They saw a grown up body, I saw I grown up mind. My rebellious nature stated to reflect itself since I was 13 years old, when the battle started to get me married and I started to sign cards for my classmates as Eng.M. A huge difference I experienced at school where they nurtured and fed the mind ,and the battle in the house to see me as a body has to get married. The battle continued 7 years till I finally got my Bachelor and got married at the same time. School was my true home, so I became a teacher to pursue a dream was in mind. Yet, the same pattern happened and I became as a number to be add on in marital life. My rebellious nature never stopped and continued to pursue my master degree, giving my work and my kids all the things I wish them to be. I wouldn't be a number and that wouldn't be me.
Seeking freedom of choice and freedom of faith ,I had to leave everything behind trusting in His name. After building a name and a career, a family and a home, 9/11 became my second phase. So interesting how trauma can take us in levels of awakening after math equations and how His mercy is carrying you to understand and bring you to life again. Yes, iam 46 years old ,trying to restore myself in the way that honor Him , thanking Him for the blessing in creating the person who I am creative thinker, analytical mind and love to design new ideas and be a free to think and contribute the way He wants me to live life that reflect His wonderful creation within me. Yes, my rebellious nature is my voice to say I belong to Him not following stereotypes or love to be controlled. Iam eager to see justice and fairness in the world around me ,where it is filled with bias, discrimination and prejudice even we stand in the land of the free. Iam eager to see a world filled with transparency and honesty not trying to force others to live a certain way. A world could see you potentials, strengths and use them for the common goal, no suppression or stumbling one another for short eye sighted goals .
As Joseph, Daniel and Job, taken into a foreign land , losing everything, stood in trials and carried the pain. All they did they trusted in The One who made them .The ONE who is greater and Mightier than any force on earth. Looking up at Him calling His name, believing in the strength He had given to them not looking at where they come from or who were their people or who they were one day. It is a hard equation to be explained in one sentence or being passed on without missing pieces as we have no control over it. They are hard equations given to certain people for reason and they know so well that the missing piece of the equations are in His Hands ,THE ONE Who reigned the heavens and the earth. The ONE who let His sun shines all over the earth.
In a world still judging you by the body not the mind, we still have a long journey to walk through .... so looking at the women and girls as a body is not restricted on the Middle East cultures , it is more extreme in the West as well. By: Manal Eweis" The Old Ancient Woman"
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