Choices

Coming to a point where I see each choice I make and how it affects what is next. All the way the lesson is repeating itself that what message you are giving to the world that what you are going to get. Listening to the inner voice in you when it tells you a certain message. Trust your guts, yet I keep ignoring them and say no this time is different and here the ghost of pain rise up again to deliver the same same message that it knows exactly how I'll react to it. Losing my mindfulness and being affected by the drama and here the  choices that follow are foggy. Your vision is not clear. So you hurt yourself over and over again.


This mysterious cycle I am going through for 7 years now asking myself am I free or I am a property? Am I free or I am enslaved? Am I free or I have no choice in my life to walk the way the God is leading me to? Am I free or am I sold without a permission? Am I free or am i prisoner for a higher authority that controls my life path, no matter Iam trying,I am losing. Lots of thinking that rob me of the peace that is given to us freely through Jesus Christ.


Does my voice count? Does my view count or i have to be like a puppet be placed wherever the owner places it or been thrown away unattended in a dark room? No one likes to be in a spot like that. Yes, my real life I am not free, yes, I don't have the authority to choose and if I do, consequences happen to put you in the jail of distrust and fears. Maybe this is how the world see a person like me. Trying my best to ignore all this background noises and here it caught me up over and over which lead me to an assurance that Iam not free. My choices are bothering others. My choices contradicts with other agendas or maybe Iam a stumbling block on their way? The question comes back again why all this? Sure they see a picture I can not see. They understand things that I can not understand. It is a fearful world to understand all my conclusion comes to be Iam not one of them.

Many times we build expectations that do not exist and here comes our greatest frustration.Why persisting to know everything happening in my life while i do not know anything about them? Why taking all my personal information promising me with a job and then they disappear like a ghost? Why judging me in everything I do while i don't do that to them? I feel Iam not free or being treated as a responsible adult and there is mutual understanding and respect. Day after day I come to know that it is all my choices and the message Iam delivering to the world. Are we here on earth to build one another or to bring some of us down? Are we honest with our selves first before others or we tend to play the game of pretend or fake it till you make it? There is nothing real or authentic there and won't bring the peace and joy that we once found in Jesus Christ.

I came to a point that walking alone sometimes is the best choice to keep yourself dignity and respect , in Jesus Christ we are set free no more slaves.By:Manal Eweis