Culture, laws, life style, socioeconomic structures all are fractals within the main cell or unit of foundation. By yourself you are a weird structure, not easy to be understood or being who you are without labeling or judgement. Wherever you will go , you will be a question mark or a threat for a foundation of certain design or structure, conflict always exist where your exist, your presence does not bring peace to everyone around , always stress, suspeciousness, and unrest, losing days and years in illusionary views and nothing but to break the uniqueness that was created within you.First I participated in this illusionary views through fight or flight, run, being angry, hypertension , everything could result from a person is surviving PTSD who hears or think that could be the true picture of all the drama around.
As a captive into the illusionary view, body , mind and heart living the hurt with burying all the feelings and emotions under a heavy weight of wishing and hoping everything will come to end. Ignoring the negativity , abuse and misuse lived day by day, looking for a ray of hope within the world nothing but coming back to my cocoon to read, write, paint or draw something to reflect how I am doing at this time of my life. Many hopes and dreams passed by the years, the way I look at myself changed alot. Seeing this shadow moving around , she can't feel the same way she used to many years ago, no more the silly idiot naive person who easily trust and get the lashes in her face after that. Maybe Iam not the only one . Being a woman of her mid life made lots of sense how many women over there no one can understand them and this can destroy their lives from the start to the end. My journey is to shape another path other than the stereotype that we witness through the ages, dysfunctional woman never get up on her feet again.To be her own voice , proving her individuality of each path she takes in her journey.
Wishing and hoping won't be the answer without doing and fighting for what is right. No shame to lose your life so you can have a life you have a choice within , yes, it is hard not easy when the world is telling you many messages to bring you down not to lift you up. Hard to hear thank you, or having transparency about everything bad before good as if you are not my mirror so your role in my journey won't bring me any good.
Yes, many years have been wasted in battles that haven't to be done and yet, in your journey of individuality which is not the common type around , many obstacles will be on your path. Again misunderstanding and labeling are the easiest judgment I get with each phaseI walk through my life. Breaking new ground is not wishing for something Iam not created for as an old woman , it is the call that God is leading me through. Yes, my word may impact someone or may bring others who are in the same situation , trying to breakthrough their individuality in a world only accept groups that share the same belief and strategy to proceed within life, no place for someone is different , does not follow the same role even it may bring harm on the level of our humanness.
Yes, not by wishing as you can wish all day long, without believing in yourself first, no one is willing to believe in you or understand you, it is all starts within you knowing who you really are and this conflict of identity will end and be solved and accepting your individuality and the importance of being who you are, the true you before being with anyone else. losing your identity can lead you to lose life itself and the dynamic awareness of what matters most, no more waste, it is not only by wishing , role your sleeves up and dig deep to know who you truly are not someone else, Manal Eweis
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