Time is a relentless attempt for change...

 

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              It is a leap year, comes every four years. It brings something we may forget and take for granted: time. Time is a concept that differs through life stages. The older we get, the more we know its limitations and lifespan. The moment we are in is all we are aware of; however, each half a second, we tend to live in the past, and sometimes, these flashbacks tend to dwell more than half a second. Some experience joy and gratitude for the past, while others want to forget it all and wish it never happened. Yet, human life is a mixed journey of sound and challenging stuff. Science says in less than two years, 98% of the human body rebuilds itself within 365 days, and here today is one extra day to provide us with a moment to reconsider the coming two years. You may have considerable challenges to overcome, you may enjoy what you work for, and you may look for hope, change, and a sense of authentic life. Who knows what this day brings into your mind and how your perception of the last chapters brought you where you are. The sense of self is entirely different from one stage to the other in life. With every moment of wonder, you start recalling some old chapters. Have they served you, or is it the sense of grief and regret for the person you used to be? You come to realize that your time is your life, and it is your own responsibility to figure it out, to let go of any expectations, and to let the guard down to grief. It is a healthy way to reconnect with the SELF. The core aspects of your soul and hope for what is to come. 

        The more you understand how repeating past chapters brings nothing but the same old, nothing new, and no growth when you dwell in this place where it is not under control or can be remade, the more you understand how it is not under control. What happened has happened; aches, pain, struggle, and betrayal are part of life; the world is not the world of saints; it is layered with many complexities that go back generations beyond our imagination. You understand that you are your own project; no one would have the best interest in your life but you, and it is your journey, not someone else's. Time is a concept of the moments that brought you to yourself and brought the awareness of your value and worth. Being hammered by the world-crushing forces taught you to pay attention to the true you. You are made to stand for yourself; it is your right to live a dignified life. Trials can bring us the unexpected; however, they show us the truth about the world around us and open our consciousness to the necessity of existance. There is nothing called free will, yet there is something called choice. Any choice you make has consequences; some will be on the right track, some will lead to detours, and detours are redirections to our true purpose. The more you get older, the more you understand the world and the more you wish you could have had this truth revealed decades ago. However, no cry on the spilled milk. Starting over is part of evolving into the person you are meant to be. Be grateful for those who showed up to teach you a lesson, those who supported you in the most challenging times, and those who used you, betrayed you, and caused harm one day, as finally, you can understand it all. 

        A question keeps repeating: How can you see through manipulation and decision? Unfortunately, it is a trait. Designed in the physiology of the brain. Therefore, it is a dominant trait void of emotions, remorse, or guilt. It is the time you have to face it with peace, setting boundaries and limits as much as possible. Whoever does you wrong, they do it with joy as this is how they are anatomically and physiologically designed. Therefore, thank GOD for everything HE is teaching you. Thank HIM for His goodness, carrying you through life's journey, knowing that HE created you the way you are. No matter the challenges you have been facing understand that GOD sees it all. While you do your part, HE is taking care of the rest. It is not easy to go through life with heaviness and shame. You are not meant to live in sadness; GOD's will for us to rejoice. So, ponder on GOD's will and invite HIM into your new day, moment, and the year to come, trusting in HIS endless grace. Peace !!! By: ME," the old ancient woman." 

Desires--- Wants---Frustrations and Wasting lives-----

 

                 The human controllers are driven by biological instincts and drives. The camouflage of the hidden thoughts, feelings, and emotions that drive reactions and actions. Have you ever questioned why hate exists, why jealousy, envy, manipulation, passive-aggressiveness, or bullying do exist? Have you ever considered why negative attitudes, reactions, words, and decisions are more common than positive ones? Have you ever questioned the word freedom and its meaning? And how can it reflect the individual experience? Have you ever suspected how causing harm or hurt to others physically, emotionally, or socially can alter the lives of innocent, pure ones? Why does the wild animal brain surpass its manifestation more than the human brain, which reflects the image of God? Why all these hidden deep desires to control, destroy, confuse, and put despair into the lives of others? It is not the courage to harm others or noble to humiliate or undermine the presence of others. The pain in the world surpasses all forms of inhuman actions. Huge contradiction between what is written in the book and the actual world and behaviors. It explains why atheists lost their confidence in the world around them, and many chose to use nature as their guide. It explains why many lost their sense of belonging to the world around them. It explains why many virtues disappear among those who have lost their sense of self and existence due to inhuman actions toward one another. 

            One day, I thought life was like a fancy fairy tale or a novel from the Victorian Age. Chapters are written by others for the audience to watch. I thought it was a life of belief and existence, not conflict and destruction controlled by desires, wants, and continuous frustrations of witnessing and experiencing hurt and pain. You notice how groups hate one another. You catch the hidden desire for gain and power. You see groups rising and groups fading away. You witness the softness of words followed by a hurtful action behind. You notice how the element of surprise takes place when the game of power and control wants to take place. You witness the joy when someone unwanted fails or is hurt or diminished or belittled, bullied, or caught by the drama around. You notice how intimidation can occur when plan A or B doesn't work. You start to understand the hidden realities and the struggle of human nature. 

          It is the battle since Able, and Cain, Jacob and Issu, David and Saul, Joseph and his siblings, Jeremial and his people, and the list goes on as names, titles, and places can change, yet the core lesson is the same. The deep animal brain in action, controlled by desires, wants, and a sense of frustration, drives the reactive brain. The game of imablances Yin and Yang. The flip sides of the coin. The two contradictory natures of the human soul. The journey of the valley is the wilderness driven by the stale story of human suffering. If any human slowed down and started to think about the enormous blessings given freely by God into all HIS creation? They may realize how chosen and blessed they are. However, the equation has always been different. The malfunctioning seeds of the soul drive the attitudes toward restlessness, anger, division, plotting, and more frustration driving humans toward the animal brain. Those who know the truth remain silent and ignore many injustices around them as their hard work will be destroyed. It is not about the human conscience anymore; it is about survival, revenge, hate, and injustice. It is hard to stand for the truth, declare human freedom, and take responsibility for harmful actions toward humanity. The story of harming others is the norm, and it is hard not to hurt, or the person will be seen as weak, unable, fail, and dismissed. 

            These are challenging times the whole world is witnessing. It is tough to trust or believe that what is said or done means something good. It is not easy like this anymore. It is tough to witness injustice where all actions are misinterpreted or seen. The isolation of the human soul becomes the bittersweet option for the human to survive. Humans fearing humans like them, God is absent from the picture. Human fear blocks the senses from feeling or experiencing the presence of God. The grouping exceeded all imagination, the harm exceeded all past stories, and the denial of justice became the rule of the day. Walking in freedom is risky as there is no such thing as freedom. Freedom is an idea in the thinker's mind if they are even allowed to think. If you want to believe that there is still a world of real human beings, I invite you to rethink and reconsider your decision, as all humans are controlled by their desires, wants, and actions led by worldly frustrations. Installing fear and frustration into the human mind is the most harmful method to eradicate what once was believed to be human existence. Therefore, welcome to the reality that presented and forced itself on humans. Peace !!! BY: ME, "The old ancient woman." 

Vulnerability.... Fawning and Willingness...

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        Humans are the only creatures on earth equipped to use spoken and written words. It is a powerful tool or the most powerful tool. It brought nations up and nations down, and the same on the micro and macro levels of human communication and interaction. Words directly influence the brain's messaging and signaling on neuroelectrical and chemical pathways. The accumulative language over human life shaped many behaviors and even framed populations into categories. Have humans started to investigate the role of words on where they are right now? How did it serve them or harmed them? What do they like about it, and what do they wish to change? Did their words come before their thinking? Or do they take their time to process all input in the situation given? It is a fact that humans are emotional beings since they are in the Utero till twenty-six years of age, and by shaping their experiences through emotions and words, patterns present the combination of any personality you come across. The human electromagnetic field gathers all environmental messages in a range of five feet. Imagine being surrounded by different personalities around you with additional messages crossing, and words carry emotions and feelings and accelerate thoughts.  Thoughts drive actions, leading to more words, feelings, emotions, thoughts, and actions. It is a loop in human communication and interactions. However, the content and context influence the person. Based on past experiences, education, beliefs, and attitudes can expose those who are more prone to absorb all vibes and bring blocking in processing heavy words or interactions, activating stress response, anxiety, discomfort, dis-ease, tiredness, high blood flow, or even defensive phase and words are the driving factor in the situation.

       When the emotional state spikes, it puts trauma on the line, and it depends on the adaptive mechanism; fawning can be a trauma response as an attempt to please the abuser. It can grow with the person as their second self. When faced with heavy, sharp, and hurtful words, agree with the person no matter the damage to you. Even when the abuser intends to harm others as well by bringing their self-esteem and confidence down. The process becomes more complex as the person ages when intimidation, blaming, yelling, belittling, bullying, and gaslighting others become the adaptive mechanism for getting what they want or satisfying their ego. It is a tricky equation for human beings since it is rooted in a culture based on groups, societies, and communities who are traumatized or exposed to violence through their upbringing. It is challenging when those who are not aware of their self-worth and value open up to abusers who betray their vulnerability and confide in the wrong places. Creating this cycle of self-doubt, fear, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, questioning everything you do, and you lose the sense of self, need, and wants to become a tool in the hands of those who lack the sense of honoring God's creation, and satisfy their ego through the usage of sharp, hurtful words toward others to get what they want or sabotaging others peace due to their lack of sense of peace within. 

         The long-suffering of power struggle, pride, ego, greed, racism, and lack of self-love brought humans to endless inner conflict and outer conflict. How much do humans lose on such negativity and restless souls? How much has such toxicity broken down humans and their lives? Do you deserve to be treated like this? What type of authority is the abuser given to damage human souls? Going back to childhood experiences with adults who were abusers themselves, no role model was presented to modulate healthy relationships, healthy communication, healthy interaction, and healthy living. Fawning becomes most the situation, the easy adaptive response to survive. This leads to unhealed wounds. The wounds bring nothing but pain, struggle, suffering, and unresolved trauma, which can be projected on others through emotional dumping, projection, disrespect, humiliation, and extreme pride. The more the person carries their wounds and scares within, the more toxic patterns of interaction manifest. Aggression is a sign of a wounded person who can not face their pain or work through resolving it. Physical aggressiveness is a sign of weakness in the soul.

        In contrast, the adaptive response is only to show others your aggression. To be intimidated brings fear to the situation, so fawning will be another trauma response. We have all heard the saying, "Hurt people hurt people." That is true. Not only that, but they hurt themselves too through their violent, angry, aggressive actions, which deplete the pathophysiological organs' functionality. Therefore, gradually, they become sick, and often, it is too late to reverse anything.

         Moreover, words can heal and can harm both in a psychopathological way. Living in a diverse, complex world brought humans to a state of struggle to find a healthy frame of words to stretch out with empathy toward others where compassion, kindness, and respect are looked down upon and considered weaknesses; therefore, the person becomes a target to be abused or belittled. The main thing to remember is that the abuser is a wounded and hurting person who is masking their own issues with aggressiveness or violence. They couldn't handle the healing work as it brought them to times, events, and experiences they wished they had never had or experienced. More importantly, try to think from the beginning how did you got to this point of pleasing the abuser as an adaptive response to survive? One day, I wish the world would open its eyes to see GOD's goodness and the life He gave us for free. I want a world filled with peace and people helping people. I wish there was a world where the words race, ethnicity, age, and gender are not twisted to meet socioeconomic and political agendas. I wanted the question each child was asked: "What would you like to be when you grow up? Comes true. Many of the children grow up with the burden of adult trauma dumped on them, and all their hopes and dreams are scattered. We live in a world where the majority carry the pain of shattered dreams, shattered dreams, and loss of trust, confidence, safety, and peace. 

         Most of the inner conflicts come from the deep pain within. No matter where the wounded person is, words, experience, and the surroundings can activate the stress response due to the loop. Some survive conflict, some survive by putting others down with their words and actions, and some survive by saying yes to all the hurtful words, thoughts, and actions. It is the mental prison humans kept building for themselves and others decade after decade. It is a hard place to live in or get in contact with. It doesn't bring any good to human life; it is filled with toxic vibes that increase the range of disease and restlessness. Vulnerability can be a tool against the person. Vulnerability requires nobility in actions, not betrayal. It is a challenging world where it is hard to differentiate the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is a world of confusion and distractions. When some do not like to see something good happen in others' lives, this flame of envy, jealousy, and restlessness leads to complex words, thoughts, attitudes, and actions. I wish there was free will, freedom of choice, and understanding that each person on earth has their own journey assigned to them, not anyone else. I wish there was a world where people become vulnerable and talk their hearts; they won't receive lashbacks, plotting, and many schemas to expose their vulnerability through complex judgment. A world of scattered dreams and a shattered self removes the sense of being and free will. 

         Many choose to isolate themselves from all the negativity in the world. They are exhausted and depleted. There is confusion between the good and the bad. Which can you trust, or will you be judged, disrespected, or humiliated? What is the benefit of all this struggle? It doesn't make sense. This brings the alignment of the willingness to walk alone and take your time to figure it out. The desire to work on your own unresolved issues and see away through them. The willingness to face your pain, struggle, and suffering and learn from them. Make them your teacher to see the lesson in between. Pushing against walls of intergenerational trauma is an endless struggle. However, the willingness to acknowledge this challenge and accept its existence is not getting into your words, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and actions toward others. And that takes courage.

      Since the defensive or adaptive trauma response will be so much easier than working through the unresolved issues. The loop will deviate only when there is the willingness to ask the tough questions and understand the answer. The loop will dissipate when adopting healthy coping mechanisms, which assign the time to work with the self and the inner wounded person inside of you. There is no magic wound, and no one person can fix you but you. You know you and the experiences you went through. So take courage and be willing to start your own tailored journey of healing designed only for you. Peace !! By: ME." The old ancient woman." 

The trace, and the racing thread of thoughts and its consequences

 

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             The racing thoughts of the mind can be exhausting and lead to nowhere. It is a consequence of modern life, where stressors are the key component of the brain and the mind's functionality. The world of adults is complex as the collected experiences shape the contradictory schemas between thoughts, actions, beliefs, and attitudes. It separated the self, the inner world, and the outside world. However, it is controlled by each bit of information collected from the environment into the sight, skin, smell, and situations in the brain. Memories flack back with the present, conflicting the perception, shaping tangled complexity between the past and the present. The neural pathways change their waves and determine which reactive or non-reactive behavior will follow once the signals are encoded in the brain. The mystery of the phenotype and genotype mechanisms changing the neurochemical messaging and changing the state of mind, perception, memory, and learning processes within complex entries from sociocultural, political, intrapersonal, and interpersonal information within the brain, creating this tensity of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and attitudes where Mind-body experience is shaped. 

        However, attention is a critical player in the information processes. Mostly, the human brain pays attention to relevant events, faces, environments, situations, and content. However, intergenerational trauma projection in human behavior is the critical driver in the present interactions with encoding the sympathetic response. The fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and faint. The more intergenerational trauma has not been addressed, resolved, or diagnosed, it automatically passes to the fetus in the embryo. Thus, sociopsychological complexes control the lack of tolerance to stress,  interactions, and many personality disorders that operate on the gene expression activation of bad genes and the manifestation of psychiatric conditions. When the person is surrounded by all sources of food, safety, and security, shelter deprivation, sleep disruption, vitamin deficiencies, particularly Bs family and D, malnutrition, toxic relationships, parasites, medical history, and an unhealthy environment, the individual already was deprived of any sign of being. They are totally ruined by their community, where they are supposed to be protected. The heaviness of stressors designed by those who have the upper hand in controlling the vulnerable lives drives the exposed, the depressed, the psychotic, and even the one with a lack of basics of their human rights. 

        For some, escaping to the insane world may be their best option to be cared for, while others seek insanity due to the state of hopelessness and helplessness. The lack of thinking in ways can beat the odds. Their intolerance to stressful situations was inherited from their biological parents, whose consequences are hard to witness, and the energy of loss, helplessness, and hopelessness is overwhelming. Seeing the loss of human capacities and community is complex. The racing thoughts of why? when? how? what? where?  and when? Why is it happening? When does it begin? How do they get here? Where are accountability and self-awareness? Where do they go? What resources are available? Are they sustainable resources? When will the time be to speak freely about the root causes rather than look at the symptoms? When can a collective approach see through the neuropathology (CNS, synaptic dysfunction, electrochemical pathways dysfunction, psychopathology,  genetic predisposition,  endocrinology, immunology, and social determinants of health within the behavioral adaptation? An approach to integrate the pharmacological and nonpharmacological approaches in the treatment and containment of the crisis, a transdiagnostic approach targeting the highest potential pathway intervention to keep human dignity and integrity. 

        It is not easy to experience the state of conflicting mind acting from a limbic response in a high-pressure environment with a vulnerable nervous system, which, unfortunately, in the modern life mechanism to exhaust human life as a result of competitiveness, greed, and socioeconomic, and political stressors which imposed on humans from one generation to another, from one community to the other, from one culture to the other, from one language to the other. The human rights state is a human existence that saves lives by educating, informing, and empowering those who inherited unwanted history and are trapped in the world's vicious cycle. It is hard to witness how many care for animals more than humans; I hope humans get the same care, attention, and right to exist as we advocate for animal lives. it is a call to action for all parties, groups, and affiliations to rethink humans.  Peace! By: ME, "The old ancient woman."