Tuesday, July 30, 2019

A question that has no answer...

She knows that this is the day, no more back up or fear, she has to go through this. A year and about 3 months after her hand accident, the moment that changed her for ever. She no longer seeing the world as before, no trust or deep belief as she used to have. This open heart that once trusted now it is a million piece . Since then she decided to walk with more determination to fight for her life. The existence as a human being, created on God's image. She is walking this journey with assurance that God is with her, for her and gifted her with this breath she breathes every single day.

With all  the circumstances that insist on beating her down, ripping her soul of any hope, seeking fault in every word, action or even gesture she makes. To the point the environment is not lifting her up, the word hate is repeated, boring, don't like you, don't listen to you, all negative messages are thrown at her as if she is not a human being. Imagine how powerful the words are on us as humans. No matter you hear the question comes back: what all this about? Any way she has to move on. For the gift of life that has been freely given to us is more more worth to nurture it not to diminish it.

She collected her thoughts , this isn't the time to look at these negative messages to confuse and bring self doubt into your life. She started her early morning shower then meditation, walking in her imagination in the pasture of peace. The peace that can't be explained, seeing her worth in the eyes of God not humans. Starting the day with the belief, you will go through this. Take the step and don't think anymore of the same question what all this about?

She questions a lot. Her sight forever changes...... many times she asks herself" what does it mean to live a normal life? . She started to remind herself again ,please stop questioning at the right moment, move on..... to have an open mind, is eating her away. She has to tell herself stop. Move on since mystery is all around.... stories are built around her are enough to push her away at the borderline . Outsiders remain outsiders only because of who they are. So that is the status quo, hardly to change since the same pattern is being used over and over and results are guaranteed. Outsiders remain outsiders.



Now , she can see clear things she can't control. Now ,she only can control herself and walk in peace. Keep the leftover of her beingness alive. She continued her day going through the toughest point her nerve test, what has done is done, she can't see a point of knowing the result as what she care more about is a meaning of her life, she has no prejudice, biases or hate to anyone. Her eye only focused on a meaning for what is left in her life. If you have been one day at a point of nowhere, so welcome and don't give up , give it a try to search deep and understand who truly you are. It is a point in the ocean of life, from the crisp of a new leaf to the falling branches ,you have gone through each phase so keep moving on, don't look back , take a deep breath and say this too will pass, no matter the steep cliffs you pass .By: ME" the old ancient woman"

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Change

Once we think of the word change, or going through it, there is a wave of thoughts you go through. A wave mixed with wondering, remembering,  connecting, recalling or even certain scenarios play in front of your eyes that bring back certain sensations, thoughts, feelings, images that bring you to certain events or experiences happened before that formed an inhibitory pattern or patterns within you, the whole thing is playing in your head, yet your body developed also certain patterns of body language, gestures and facial expressions that protect you or defend you at these moments.



 Year after year, while we go through these situations or experiences and you realize that these patterns are not serving you anymore as they make you invisible, the runaway for avoidance and shutting down ,here the breath that has been given to you freely  from God is declaring its existence, screaming at you, asking you to stop killing yourself on daily basis by not standing strong in what Your creator has made you. The most hurtful thing you come to understand that we as human spices, due to the complexity of the hierarchy of the socioeconomic, political and racial marathon that we found ourself in with or without a choice, you have to face certain battles with or without a choice. And since you seek peace and avoid conflict, you find that conflict is the language of opposing interests and survival mechanism in the human world. The language that has been taught from generation to generation as to declare the power of certain group or race within our power and authority marathon in everyday life.


when you find yourself within this marathon, here your body will manufacture the responses to make the mammalian and reptilian brain survive. Here the humans turn to be the enemies of themselves as the language is used, doesn't benefit the human life span and thrive in a positive way. Your body infuses the chemicals that are being detected at the moment to help you survive in the heat of the moment, leaving you later with a huge amount of cell damage and inflammation. In the heat of the survival mood the body uses everything that is being impulsed within, year after year you witness these patterns, tunes, gestures, movements and you come to identify the outcomes when all of this reoccurring.  Persisting on not following such route of the destructive biological pattern of life. You have to stop and pause, and tune into yourself asking yourself one question," What is going on here? disconnect, observe, listen and pay attention, watch carefully your responses and what consequences result from these reactions and responses. You may realize that you are building upon such destructive biological mechanisms spontaneously as by time the build-up automatically within you and that makes the true you more and more invisible and these mechanisms become the new you, as a result to be part of that hierarchy socioeconomic, political racial marathon that will surprise you that it works only for the 1% of the world and keeping close the 7% that has authority over the rest who are nothing but fuel for the fire to keep the game on. What a pathetic chaotic mental picture could you have when you realize these facts, you will find yourself far from the original you.


Here you have to make a decision and a choice, who are you at this moment? Where are you? and if you want to be where you began to see where you are or there is another choice has to be made. Here the scary moment truly hit the floor that is the change that has to take place. At this moment millions freak out when they began to see how much damage has been done onto them and they fall into the trap of the black hole, no hope or way out as neurologically they become speechless, shut down as they can't find the right words, person or group of people who can trust and put their words out there ,fear ,stress, anxiety guilt and all negative sensations take hold of their existence and at this moment ,the world is surprised by the rising percentage of crime, suicide, unknown cause of accidents,  addiction, non-ethical actions, and dysfunctional lifestyle and millions of assumptions, accusations, blaming, finger-pointing and whole type of patterns of miscommunication, abuse, bullying and the true simple healthy picture of a well strong founded community fades away within the chaotic confusing picture that is presented through our reactions and responses in situations.

We, humans, turn to make stories and love building on these stories to keep us alive and feel our presence. Yet have we stopped and thought about the stories we tell, the assumptions we build on?  A big shout I want to declare, to say STOP please and tune in. Before making a decision and a choice, you have to realize the whys and the change needed to be done. Hold on, yes, there is darkness, yes there is damage, has been done, there is a new system has been built within you, you took on you so much. When you bought in the myth of within a community, society, groups you are within, and after a sufficient time of breaks, frustrations, disappointment, you realize that nothing around is really what it is, so stop and tune in, it is all within you first not all the noises around. You are the change you want to make not anyone else.


Whoever walks in your life, you have to keep at pace, no one walks into your life has the best interest in your life. So, understanding your limits and boundaries that is where you want the change to begin. Think why you want to do something in particular and if it is aligned to the true self that has been hidden under the hot sand of the hierarchical socioeconomically political racial useless marathon you find yourself in one day due to the natural dynamics of life stages and the journey we are within, so hold on and tune in.BY: ME" THe old ancient woman"