It is a big sigh and aha moment when you realize for %100 that you are the cause of all this chaos around you. For so many reasons and I have to admit it. Once I had a very fancy protected life. Everything is paved so I used to live my day like la la land. My heart is still like a child, has no feelings of envy, covet or jealousy towards anyone. When you live a life that you have more than you need, you grow differently,all you desire that others feel the beauty of the universe around them. Yes, i grew up with a dreamer heart and my world is my mind and heart. I used to see the world from a different lens. Many told me that I have a big heart, Iam extremely generous and each time i could understand what they mean. Year after year, I couldn't exactly understand what do they mean by this. Living my day, asking one question ,lord what do you want me to do with my day today. It is the priceless gift that is freely given to us. This breath that holding us together and allow us to do wonders. It is a portion of God's breath. How wonderful and powerful is that. I am carrying a portion of God's own existence. My heart is beating His voice of His unconditional love to us.
Many told me that my smile that is God's gift for me as well. Which I couldn't understand as well. So many things others see in me and I couldn't see them. For my, What you do and create that what present you to the world and give meaning to life. And Here came the unexplained battle into my own life.That projected itself year after year and each year I come to understand a piece of it. When you come to know that with your natural you, I gave the opportunity to be controlled. I came to realize that I am being dealt with as personal property. Who can control my steps is the owner of me. That was a shocking fact to receive and comprehend. When you do not own your life, choices and decisions, here you invite certain energies especially manipulative one to shape your day and which way your life has to go. All of that is not in God's will for us as His sons and daughters. Having a broken heart and alienating myself was one of the options for so many years. How this makes you feel when your eyes is open to these realities. Realizing that you lived and live an illusion life,and what you became is not the true you. You gave authority to all of that to happen to you. Giving the world authority to frame and control your life and not be free or practicing the free will right that is given to us from above and here you go , your identity has been robbed and your live is not true.
It is hard to spend most of your life fighting powers are farther stronger than you. Facing giants means ,giving your life to the ultimate risk of losing it. Asking yourself the question,' What is all this about/? and why me ?' Most of the time the answers are so complicated even they are so clear. Is this your destiny or it is you who allowed all this to happen and living such kind of life on the edge of falling apart each time, losing everything, three accidents on the third year on the row, repeated patterns of manipulation and untold truth. Walking in the maze of no exit. No strength left to fight back as Iam so tired of all this nonsense. Yes, so true. Being open to the world brings nothing but more break down and bringing me back to square one, no matter what I do.
It is time to see the world from a different lens. Pray, Pray Pray ,LORD I am Yours, allow me to walk in the right path. Iam tired ,iam consumed, I want to be me not what the world is say I am. Allow me to be born again and take shelter in your grace, and walk away of anything that does not reflect your truth and show me who is true and who is not. Iam walking in a path that is filled with thrones and my whole body is bleeding looking for hope of mercy and truth in all of this. By: Me" The Old Ancient Woman"
very pure words
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