Monday, May 28, 2018
Tangled In The Land Of The Unknown
long time since I posted my thoughts in this place. A place that I created to shape many define moments in my journey of the unknown. You hear the heart beat is getting faster and your steps are shaking. Why am I here and what am I doing? Wasted years ,time and life. Your confidence has been robbed brutally,right.t now.,you are weary, tired and done that what defines you right now. Waking up after the turmoil, not knowing where you are and why are you here? how could you allow all of this to happen to your life? Truly, nothing is real. Am I living in a big lie or am I being misused? That is a terrible spot to find yourself in and you have to take responsibility in all of this as the storm was so clear,many ran away from it. And you told yourself ,I am not going to run away, I accept the challenge. Again the Utopian mindset that I dream of, does not exist by all means. There are factors and these factors are the ones that determine the course of events.
As a refugee one day, as a stranger, divorced, outcast and in a foreign land, each word of these sounds scary, yes, it is. In the big ship of life ,you will be sliced, your ignorance is the factor how thin you are going to be sliced. That's true, at the time of being sliced,you are going in stages of confusion and chaos, so you won't feel the pain right away, your pain will haunt you when you are by yourself. And here you shame yourself more and more that you allowed such pain to happen, nothing can be traced and if you choose to express your words another action will hit you in the face. so, day after day,year after year, you come to know the patterns and find yourself in the same circle over and over. Asking yourself is there an upper hand moving your life in this devastating type of life, emotional and mental turmoil ? if so why? what are the motives and what wrong you have done to them? Is this because of your race,color, background,ethnicity or there is another motives that are far beyond your thinking. Again shame on me to allow myself going in such vicious cycle over and over. Yes ,you have to shame yourself, you have to look directly to yourself and take responsibility of allowing pain to be your life.
For years of my isolation, nothing is getting better, things after one another keeping happening. I am a good catch for anyone wants to move ahead and fulfilling their agendas to be in the spot of light. I discovered that I am good at pushing others forward while I am in the shadow invisible, through using my ideas, insights and simple conversations, since when I offer my advice,I speak from the heart,loving to see a better world can be taking advantage of, and no matter what you do,here your spot of pain keep repeating itself. Being nobody, have nobody next me and at the end if something happened to me who cares? Washing away all these devastating agendas require a deep strong believe in yourself. And When your self confidence and self esteem have been robbed brutally , healing may take a long life journey. When you are tangled in the land of the unknown, only the grace of God can carry you through this deep dark pitch of turmoils. Yes, it is hard to believe again, it is hard to trust or even feel there is hope. Or you may see the light at the end of the tunnel. Watching many come and go in my life ,I feel more isolated, losing the sense of being alive. Still I go to work, do whatever I can to help. Still pushing myself to meet with friends to know what is latest in my life and iam doing right now. Still pushing myself to hear from God as I am getting more and more weary. I truly don't believe that someone will sacrifice their time and life to walk with me this dark tunnel so I have to push myself each single day to keep moving in life.
True life is different from what I live right now. I know what does it mean to be authentic, Through hurt, pain and struggle , you come to know the patterns and see clearly what is true and what is not. Living like a shadow for years , brings you to a more deeper insightful journey with the unknown. by:ME" The Old Ancient Woman"
As a refugee one day, as a stranger, divorced, outcast and in a foreign land, each word of these sounds scary, yes, it is. In the big ship of life ,you will be sliced, your ignorance is the factor how thin you are going to be sliced. That's true, at the time of being sliced,you are going in stages of confusion and chaos, so you won't feel the pain right away, your pain will haunt you when you are by yourself. And here you shame yourself more and more that you allowed such pain to happen, nothing can be traced and if you choose to express your words another action will hit you in the face. so, day after day,year after year, you come to know the patterns and find yourself in the same circle over and over. Asking yourself is there an upper hand moving your life in this devastating type of life, emotional and mental turmoil ? if so why? what are the motives and what wrong you have done to them? Is this because of your race,color, background,ethnicity or there is another motives that are far beyond your thinking. Again shame on me to allow myself going in such vicious cycle over and over. Yes ,you have to shame yourself, you have to look directly to yourself and take responsibility of allowing pain to be your life.
For years of my isolation, nothing is getting better, things after one another keeping happening. I am a good catch for anyone wants to move ahead and fulfilling their agendas to be in the spot of light. I discovered that I am good at pushing others forward while I am in the shadow invisible, through using my ideas, insights and simple conversations, since when I offer my advice,I speak from the heart,loving to see a better world can be taking advantage of, and no matter what you do,here your spot of pain keep repeating itself. Being nobody, have nobody next me and at the end if something happened to me who cares? Washing away all these devastating agendas require a deep strong believe in yourself. And When your self confidence and self esteem have been robbed brutally , healing may take a long life journey. When you are tangled in the land of the unknown, only the grace of God can carry you through this deep dark pitch of turmoils. Yes, it is hard to believe again, it is hard to trust or even feel there is hope. Or you may see the light at the end of the tunnel. Watching many come and go in my life ,I feel more isolated, losing the sense of being alive. Still I go to work, do whatever I can to help. Still pushing myself to meet with friends to know what is latest in my life and iam doing right now. Still pushing myself to hear from God as I am getting more and more weary. I truly don't believe that someone will sacrifice their time and life to walk with me this dark tunnel so I have to push myself each single day to keep moving in life.
True life is different from what I live right now. I know what does it mean to be authentic, Through hurt, pain and struggle , you come to know the patterns and see clearly what is true and what is not. Living like a shadow for years , brings you to a more deeper insightful journey with the unknown. by:ME" The Old Ancient Woman"
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